Trying to get help for elderly parent.

LegacyUser

I'm posting anonymous for this and from a mobile device, so apologies for any grammatical errors!
My mother is almost 70 and has both mental and physical health issues, but steadfastly refuses to seek help for either. She also refuses to acknowledge that she has any issue at all.
She's a single parent, I'm her son in my early 30's and don't have contact with any other family members. For years she has had mental issues, both treated and untreated. However, the last time the episodes were severe enough to warrant professional attention was 1992, when I was very young. Since then they have gone untreated, under the radar.
In 1997, she was living with myself and her mother at her mother's house and she became sick. As usual, she refused treatment but her brothers couldn't involuntary have her signed in as the laws had changed in that area of mental health, so they opted to issue a barring order as violence was involved, towards her own mother. She had claimed that her mother was an imposter and attacked her.
After that, we moved to the country where her condition remained more or less stable. There were good months and bad months, but she did nothing severe enough to bring attention of the authorities. Until now.
For the past few years, while still living at home, I had been away for long periods of time, but after an accident at work I've been at home constantly and noticed a definite change in her behaviour, for the worst.
It seems that she is starting to suffer with memory loss on top of the mental health issues that she already had. She also suffers from high blood pressure and as of the past two years, has gone untreated as she refuses to attend a gp.
I've been to her gp, but to no avail. He suggested to get her to make an appointment and refused to call out. I've also been to psychiatric services and was told that I cannot do anything without her gp's consent. I also attended a psychiatric counsellor, who told me that there is nothing I can do unless she requests help.
I'm at the end of my tether. I can't stand idly by, watching her become more and more confused, possibly as a result of the high blood pressure (vascular dementia) or end up having a stroke due to it, and there seems there is little else I can do in terms of summoning professionals...
Can anyone on here advise me as to what direction, if any, I can take or who I can approach about the matter?
Thanks in advance.

Emme

Need.advice wrote: »

mod snip - please don't quote full OPs.

She will have to agree to go to her GP. If she doesn't she will end up getting very ill and you may have to call an ambulance for her.

bof

Find out who your HSE district nurse is. Give them a call and ask her/him to call out and assess your mother. It will get her in the system at least and is a good first step

surrender monkey

bof wrote: »

Find out who your HSE district nurse is. Give them a call and ask her/him to call out and assess your mother. It will get her in the system at least and is a good first step

This is excellent advice. My own mam had dementia and this is how we accessed care in the first instance. Unfortunately your mam is an adult and if she won't go to the doctor there is no way of forcing her. The district health nurse may be able to help convince her.

Taltos

As well as the district nurse also look into getting legal advice. If your mother is no longer able to make decisions you'll need a court to rule in your favour so that you can, this can take some time but without the HSE or her GP helping this is going to be very difficult. Make sure though you also look for support for you too, people always forget about the pain this causes for those trying to keep things together.

pilly

I would agree with other posters to try and get a local community nurse out, they do fantastic work and if they spotted any serious danger signs would make sure the GP visited or your mother was brought to hospital. There are mental health nurses also, depending on your area these can be scarce though. Best of luck.

pilly

By the way, I don't think your GP was very helpful, a good GP would call out. Are there any other GP's in your area?

pookie82

Very frustrating situation for you to be in, I really sympathise, OP.

We've all heard horror stories about people being wrongfully institutionalised against their will back in the day, on the hearsay of a local priest/GP/family member, but in trying to avoid that ever happening again, it's left us with a situation where in many cases someone who's ill and needs help has to either ask for it themselves (rarely forthcoming if they're very ill) or do something drastic/irreversible before they're treated without their own consent.

Your GP sounds useless or, at best, overworked and not that bothered. I'd look into an alternative ... even rural areas often have more than one choice of doctor to call upon if you feel your historic family GP isn't interested.

Definitely get in touch with your district nurse, they're fantastic, they do house calls, and should be able to guide you through the best way forward.

Wesser

There are 2 issues here

One is her mental health.
The other Is. Her physical health.

It sounds like your mother has some form of psychosis. Is she at risk of harming herself or others? If so, she can be involuntary admitted to a mental hospital against her will. Thus is governed by the mental health act. You should discuss the case with your GP. If your GP is not willing to engage and you still believe that there is a serious risk to herself or others then you can fill in a form 1 under the mental health act, present it to your GP and therefore oblige him or her to assess your mother. If s/he agrees with your assessment then they also fill in a form and then your mother has to undergo step 3 which is to see a psychiatrist.

With regards to the physical health or possible stroke issues, you cannot force this issue and oblige your mother to have her blood pressure assessed or cared for. If she is not willing to go to the GP about his then you cannot force her.

I hope this is helpful.