Feeling Isolated And Like Life is Going Nowhere

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this. Just needed to get a few things off my chest. I'm a 25yo male, currently unemployed, living at home with my mum and sister. We aren't a rich family by any means, we live week to week but we get by. Feeling really lonely and stuck in a rut lately. My life has been a bit of a rollercoaster since my LC back in '09. Took a year out after school then went to college. Had to leave in 2nd year because circumstances changed and I had to focus on family life and had to care give for a few years (long story, but basically family had to take priority over studies). I had loads of friends in college and enjoyed it so this was a huge blow for me. Recently things have been getting better and I find myself not really sure what I want to do with myself. Although I enjoyed college, I'm currently 25 and I don't think I want to graft away for a degree and then when I'm 30 as a college graduate there may be no guarantee I might even get a job with said degree in a few years time, so I will be back at square 1. I would prefer to have a stable job with decent pay and just work for a few years instead of being a broke student instead. Years ago I would have but I feel like that opportunity has passed me by.

So I turned to my CV lately and of course it's pretty blank. The only actual work experience I have is a year of voluntary work I did in a local charity shop recently, other than that I have no concrete past experience to put on my CV. Between studying and care giving for years there is a huge gap. However I did manage to get some aid with my CV and it came out quite nice; I filled in about caregiving and how it explains my CV gap. Entered my voluntary work and also included personal goals and achievements about how I lost a lot of weight in the last year so I think that helped. Went around my local town/area a few months back and handed out about 30-40 CVs in a day. I've had 2 interviews in the last 6 weeks; first was good, but didn't get the job. Second was successful, managed to land some temporary work (won't say where as to remain anon) over Xmas/January coming up soon so feeling positive...kind of. It's temporary work, I would have preferred a stable position so I know in 6 weeks time or whatever I am going to be back at square one which is a bad feeling to have! I'm also really nervous because it's embarrassingly my first "proper" job outside of volunteer work. Things will be busy, I've 0 experience with this and I just feel like I am going to muck up. I know I will, in fact..

So you might be thinking, why I'm posting in personal issues with mostly feelings of positivity and good news? While these are good things, I just feel hollow. Can't really explain it. My personal life is just really empty. I'm unemployed (even though I will be starting work in 2 weeks), so outside of going to the gym and running to keep active, I find myself with not much to do most of the day. I'm very lonely. My other siblings all live away (apart from my younger sister whose in college), and all work full time and are settled down in relationships. My friends are all in the same boat. Everyone is too busy to ever meet up or do anything. There isn't much communication between myself and my family/friends; I text people a lot for chats but I constantly get no replies or convos cut short, which is fine, I know people are busy but makes me feel like a burden . Living at home isn't too bad as my situation is a bit all over the place at the minute, but I find my mum/sister mostly do their own thing and most of the day I'm just on my own feeling down, and being stuck in at home most evenings is really wrecking my head. I get inside my own head a lot about how all my siblings/friends/peers all have good careers, good lives, relationships, all doing well for themselves...and I'm stuck with nothing. Really gets me down because being a young man my age I just feel like I should have more or just be happier, especially when I compare myself to my other siblings. I never really talk to anyone about this stuff in person because I don't really want to burden anyone or make a big fuss. My siblings don't visit often but when they do it's mostly just small talk, no one really "talks" to me, if that makes sense. I feel like I am the elephant in the room, the weak link in the family or that I am a disappointment. I just feel like I'm completely alone and separated from people or that I'm not really worth much.

My love life/relationships if practically non existent. Never had GF before and don't really have a social circle or way of meeting people. See the thing that also leads me to feeling weird is that I am not really interested in that sort of thing, I like being on my own, which kinda goes against what I said in the previous paragraph, but it's hard to explain. I have some confidence issues (bit overweight, despite having lost a good bit of weight the last while. I have self esteem issues relating to some of my teeth being a bit poorly kept (embarrassing I know)), and in general I just don't think I am likable or attractive. It's very frustrating because at times I feel like it would be nice to meet someone but then I realize no one would want to bother. The other 90% of the time I myself am not really bothered or interested in the opposite sex (or any sex for that matter), which in turn leads to me feeling really weird and anxious about myself which in turn spirals into a self loathing train of thought. Basically I feel like I don't match up to anyone else in any aspect of my life, I feel like a complete failure, I just feel like an outcast and I'm really lonely. Not much going on in life, and I'm afraid I will be this way for the foreseeable future. I'm just really bad at figuring out what I want I suppose. I think I am honestly just quite depressed and I feel deflated an awful lot. I do my best to stay active and positive, but it only goes so far every day.

No idea if any of this makes sense but hopefully to those who took the time to read, it made some sense.

Merkin

You need to go back to college and get your degree. It really is that simple. Everything else will then naturally fall into place for you.

FortySeven

Merkin wrote: »

You need to go back to college and get your degree. It really is that simple. Everything else will then naturally fall into place for you.

Yes.

You'll never like any job you're going to get with that cv. Get back to college, do some bar work on weekends for money and get yourself a girl while you are there.

I'm 40 and I'm about to do it. I wish to **** I'd done it at your age.

listermint

I concur. The part time work will do you wonders to get out of the house. Look for more work while in that job or work hard at it in hope that there may be a position afterwards.

Then apply back to college.

You like it before you will like it again. Things won't just jump into your lap you have to make them happen and the journey is half the joy.

You'll look forward to it if you set some short term goals then move on to the next one. Keep setting these goals they can be anything.

Elizabeth Smith

If you have care giving experience would ypu consider working as a healthcare assistant? It just takes a short FETAC course and loads of work atm especially with the big recruitment agencies.
I did it while I was in college and although hard work it can be very rewarding.

The_Honeybadger

Get your degree OP. Your chances of a rewarding career will improve immeasurably and it's a great way to meet people. Check if you are entitled to any back to education supports, if not get a part time job to support yourself. You won't regret it.

Maximus Alexander

I'm generally really reluctant to give people life advice because, well, who am I? But I have to agree with the above about going back to college, especially if the main thing putting you off is age. 29/30 isn't as old as you think it is and will be on you before you know it. College will allow you to meet people, get involved with new interests, improve your sense of self worth, help you build a bit of a network, and make yourself more employable. And you can work part time in the mean time. Definitely seems like the right choice.

neonsofa

You keep saying if I do this then afterwards I'll be back to square one, but you won't. If you do the degree, yeah you'll be older but you'll have a degree. The alternative is you'll get older and you won't have a degree. May as well make those years productive. Your new job, yeah it's temporary but you might get kept on if they like you and if not, you won't be back to square one, you'll now have a reference and work experience and new friends and new confidence. You could even do both! Get the degree and work part time. Two birds one stone. Once you work towards something you never end back at square one. If nothing else you'll have learned something valuable.
Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting the same results, take chances and you won't be back at square one, you'll always have something to show for it.