would you go on holiday with your ex?

LegacyUser

I hope an outside opinion or two can help me clarify something in a relationship.

Long story short - I'm dating a guy for 9months now. Im really into him and he's a good bloke. He has a son with his ex-wife and thats never been an issue, the lad is 16 and Mr X is a good dad. Mr X is close friends with an ex (ill call her Lisa), I tolerate the friendship but i have wondered on more than one occasion if they are friends with benefits.
Today however Mr X announces that he is going on holiday, with his son, to Australia, but also with his Lisa! So i almost fall off the chair in shock, and then get upset/angry. He doesn't see why this is a problem. Apparently Lisa is already booked on this exotic holiday so they are just going to go along. He didn't invite me along but either way I can't take time off when they are going so its not an option for me to go too. I also wouldn't want to go on a holiday with Lisa.

So, would you be ok with your BF and his son going on an exotic holiday with his ex-Gf? (she isn't the mother of his son - that one i might understand)

Im so upset and angry in equal doses today that I think I'm done. He has made me feel unreasonable but I just feel so disrespected.

Thanks

retro:electro

What? I thought hmmm maybe until you said she's not even the kids mother! These things take ages to plan and details need to be got etc. There's no way this happened all of a sudden and if it was booked 9+mths ago he had plenty of time and opportunity to tell you. Nobody goes on holiday with just their kid and their ex when they're in a new relationship and they certainly don't go to bloody Australia of all places!! I'd tell him to good luck. How awful for you. He's totally taking the piss.

lyza

How awful for you. I certainly would not be ok with this . You are not being unreasonable to be upset over this but, he is very unreasonable to expect you to be ok with it.I think my dear your race is run with this man. I dont think you will ever be comfortable about him meeting up with this woman again. And it doesn't sound as if he will stop meeting her just to make you happy.
If by some miracle you manage to persuade him not to go on holiday with her I would be pretty sure his son would not be too happy with you for he missing out on a trip to Australia. Then the boys mother would be upset because her son is upset so she wouldn't be too happy with you either. How do you feel about telling your friends your bf is gone on holidays with he ex and he expects you to be waiting for him with open arms. You know its not right what he is doing and Iam sure you will meet someone else who will treat you with more respect then this .
So take care and chin up he might think your a door mat but you know your not. XX

Ursus Horribilis

I think this might be his way of telling you you're dumped.

leggo

Yeah, not only is he crossing the line, he's pissing on it, laughing at you and asking you to be okay with it. You don't need this hassle in your life. Get rid. It's only going to get worse if you put up with this and he's not giving you a choice.

JillyQ

Run a mile from this. He is taking piss big time. Don't let him walk all over you.

JillyQ

Run a mile from this. He is taking piss big time. Don't let him walk all over you.

OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE

JealousOne wrote: »

but i have wondered on more than one occasion if they are friends with benefits.

Trust your gut.



Plus yea, run. That is such a messy situation, no need to be in the middle of it.

brian00278

I also say bail but if you don't I would definitely start to monitor his phone/PC anything electronic.

pc7

brian00278 wrote: »

I also say bail but if you don't I would definitely start to monitor his phone/PC anything electronic.

I'd disagree with this, if you have to spy on him it's done, but it's already done going by his big trip plan. Onwards and upwards.

timmy880

Outrageous tbh. Completely get rid now. You already wondered before are they up to something. Now they're going away with his kid? She isn't even the mother so it makes even less sense!

the_pen_turner

Where is the mother.
How long was he with her

How long was he with the ex
Was she like a mother to the child



Still very odd situation

pookie82

Ah cripes, I was prepared to go "well it's a family thing and for the good of his child" etc. before I read she's not even the mother!!

Is he for real? Are you, by even considering accepting this??? He must think you're some walkover.

Tell him where to go, and "Lisa" too. How dare they.

silverharp

your gut is even telling you that they might have been up to something before this. It reads like some outrageous sub plot form Eastenders, dump and move on

ManOfMystery

So many questionable things here.

Going away with his ex? Check.
Planning it for ages before telling you (let's be honest, no-one goes to Australia on a whim)? Check.
Not asking you along? Check.
Not having the gumption to realise how bad it all looks and wondering why you're annoyed? Check.

Run a mile now.

suicide_circus

The sun has set....on your time in the sun.

He sounds like a piss taker OP

witchgirl26

I can understand why you're upset OP but I think clarifying (not necessarily here but with yourself) a couple of things is a must. You say this ex is not the mother of his son but how long were they together and if it was a long portion of the child's life, is it likely that he looks upon her as his mum. This does depend on the relationship (if any) there is with the mother.

In terms of being friends with his ex - tbh I'm friends with most of my ex's and some I'd actually be quite close to. It doesn't mean anything is going on. An ex is generally an ex for a reason. Doesn't mean you have to hate the person. Is she his most recent ex or have they been split a long time?

In terms of the holidays - I guess he's probably been thinking about this for a while and dropped it on you after deciding. Is the holiday soon? Is it possible that, if the holiday is mid next year say, that he didn't know where the two of you would be but also didn't want to pass up the opportunity to go with his son (ignore his ex for a min) because of a relationship that is still quite new. And 9 months in, it is still quite new. Is it a nice thing to do, no it's not & I can understand you being upset. Is there anyone else going on the holiday or just the 3 of them? You mention that the ex had this planned - is it a case that they are "going" together but once in Australia doing their own thing?

coffee_cake

Run away and run fast.
Life is way too short to be dealing with this nonsense

Emme

That would be a definite deal-breaker for me. Cut your losses and run.

mazwell

I'm going to go against the grain here and ask similar questions to witch girl before I would say run. How long has she been his ex and what was the relationship like? I have an ex who I was with for 7 months but friends with for 4 years before that. We're still really close because of the initial friendship. I don't think my fella would be delighted if I headed off on holiday with him but if it was a trip of a lifetime like Australia and my man couldn't go but the ex could he'd probably prefer that to me going on my own. A lot depends on the previous relationship. And you can go to Australia on a whim if you have enough money I went two years ago for two months a week after booking. Again it all depends on background

ManOfMystery

mazwell wrote: »

and my man couldn't go but the ex could he'd probably prefer that to me going on my own.

The difference here is, he never asked his girlfriend (the OP). He went straight to his ex.

thalia_13

My boyfriend went on holidays a few months into our relationship with his ex. I thought she was just a female friend when we first started dating but he admitted she was his ex. It was a short relationship though and I had met her, I wasn't the slightest bit concerned. I trusted him and he was dating me afterall. And having met her I knew she wasn't into him.

As the relationship progressed though he wouldn't go on a holiday with me.... And the ex/friend decided to emigrate and suddenly our relationship was on rocky footing. He began to withdraw and act really weird.

We broke up ultimately. On reflection though it was so obvious that although she didn't see it as anything other than friendship, my boyfriend was still hung up on her. All his behaviour pointed towards this. There are alot of things I could list here that demonstrate that he was still pining for her. I don't know if he actually even can recognise it himself. all I know is I'm the one with a broken heart and he's back out dating other girls without facing up to he's really looking for his ex's replacement in identical format.


Anyways all I will say is if you are sure she's not into him and he's not into her then it's just friends on holidays. Until my ex and I split I genuinely never had any issue with the amount of time he spent with his ex. I was slightly bothered he would holiday with her and not me though. In hindsight I'm glad I was completely oblivious to him still pining for ex because I'd probably have been miffed about the holiday and would have come across as a jealous harpy had I objected to their holidaying together.

amtc

What's the sleeping arrangements?

I go away for work with my ex quite a lot, in Europe, but always separate rooms, even separate hotels. I wouldn't go to Australia!

I suppose it depends as someone said on the son. It may be that they were a family.

The flying mouse

If your dating someone for 9 months you don't go away on a holiday with your ex, son or not. Shows no respect & obviously he still into her imo.

davmol

mazwell wrote: »

I'm going to go against the grain here and ask similar questions to witch girl before I would say run. How long has she been his ex and what was the relationship like? I have an ex who I was with for 7 months but friends with for 4 years before that. We're still really close because of the initial friendship. I don't think my fella would be delighted if I headed off on holiday with him but if it was a trip of a lifetime like Australia and my man couldn't go but the ex could he'd probably prefer that to me going on my own. A lot depends on the previous relationship. And you can go to Australia on a whim if you have enough money I went two years ago for two months a week after booking. Again it all depends on background

Boll1x to that! Feeling can resurface.So,there they are on a paradise beach at sunset ,all romantic and having a great laugh with a few drinks on them and next thing they are playing tonsil tennis.

Even if they don't ,they will always have that fond memory of that amazing ,once in a lifetime holiday that they shared together.
I CERTAINLY wouldn't want my other half having those memories or that time with her Ex.Im a very laidback and non jealous person but not on your nelly would I let my partner go away with her Ex in those circumstances.

Redpunto

I really dont understand why he is going away with the ex? WHY is he just not going with his son? Surely the arrangement would be him going just with his son or at a push with the boys mother?

You dont need this drama in your life - you deserve better.