Help.

sm213

I think I may be depressed.
I'm angry at everyone and everything.
I have three gorgeous kids but I don't appreciate them, they irritate me, I get annoyed, I shout and then feel guilty and cry.
I cry if I can't find a pair of socks.
I struggle to sleep and then struggle to wake up in the morning.
I feel anger towards my husband because he works and I can't because we can't afford childcare.
I want to go to college and get a good job but can't afford it.
I feel like there's no way out. There's so much help for single parents or people on the dole but there's no support for people like me.
I feel annoyed that I can't drive, I hate where I live, I don't want to be a stay at home mam and I feel like I can't fix this.
When I tried talking to my husband about it he took my feeling sad personally.
I applied for a number of jobs and got some offers as my nanny said she would look after kids some days.
I realised that's unrealistic she's in her 70s and not really able to run after three kids. My youngest is 6 months old.
It may be some sort of PND as I suppose although it started when I found out I was pregnant with him. I was planning on returning to college or work this year and now it's impossible with childcare for a toddler and small baby.
When we discussed it I got very upset as he thinks I think him working is not good enough even though he works hard, he felt none of it was good enough and that I don't want him or my kids.
I don't feel that way at all even though I understand how it can seem that way. I tried to explain that it was nothing to do with them and it was about me. I want to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. I want to get out of the house, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love my family dearly but I just want our lives to be better. I want to earn money, I hate asking for it all the time. Even simple things like luas fare. I want us to be able to buy a house as we never will on my husband's salary alone. He gets around the average wage. We rent in a horrible council area and I feel so guilty that my kids might grow up around joyriding, drugs, antisocial behavior, dogs roam around, there's a halting site 2 minutes around the corner, people dump rubbish around etc.
I dropped it after my husband got upset as I don't want to hurt him.
Regardless I cry pretty much every day, feel generally miserable, annoyed at everything.
What do I do?

Walter H Price

sm213 wrote: »

mod snipWalter, please only quote pertinent sections. There is never a need to quote the whole OP when you reply, it just makes life difficult for mobile users.

it's totally normal to feel a bit down and angry by times it's human we all feel that way sometimes. But if you feel like you have lost control over thees emotions , like you want to get out of bed but cant find the motivation , want to enjoy something but just cant capture that feeling of enjoyment , don't want to be annoyed but find yourself lashing out and angry all the time , then you need to talk to someone. I'd start with your GP , if it feels like its all a bit out of control and you don't feel yourself don't hang about go and get some help. Been down that road a few times now the sooner you put your hand up and admit you have a problem the better , it only gets worse if you leave it.

Big Bag of Chips

First stop is your GP. It can be frustrating when you are trying to explain how you are feeling to a partner because even though it's not about them, rather than just listen and understand, there's a tendency to want to 'fix' it. Or minimise it, or... Take it personally.

You are overwhelmed. That's all. You may have some form of depression, but a chat to your GP should be your first point before anywhere else. It is completely normal to feel as you do. When my 3 were young I had days like that. I think everyone does. It just seems never ending. It's lonely and it's thankless... But it's not forever.

One day, not too far from now your older children will be in school, and your youngest in playschool. You will have a few free hours to yourself. Another year or so and they will all be in school and you can get a part-time job. For now you should check with your Social Welfare office about signing for credits. You may or may not be entitled to some social welfare assistance, but at least they'll know you are still around! There may be courses you could sign up for, part-time, evenings. College will still be there in a few years time. Trust me, after almost 10 years of being a stay-at-home mother, I get it. I have that itch now to get back to work, go to college, etc. You really are not alone. It just feels like that a lot of the time.

Have a look in your local library or community centre. They usually have groups or classes you could sign up to. It's not college! But it's something to keep you sane until you're in a better position.

Your husband will take things personally because he's "the man of the house". It's his job to provide for you and support you. If he sees anything affecting you, he will take that on himself! Same way as if it was the other way round, you'd feel a responsibility to him!!

Have a chat with a GP. Or look up community counselling in your area. I know there are different centres around the country where you can avail of low cost counselling in the community. Just having someone to offload to and to listen and understand could make all the difference to you. But don't think you are the only one. We all lose it sometimes. The reality is the children usually get over it and forget it a lot quicker than we do.

Find someone, anyone, to talk to.

bp

Talk to your GP. There is a good PND thread in the parenting forum that you could have a read of and maybe post.

The parenting section on boards is very good and very supportive.