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Am I in the wrong?

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  • 20-11-2016 8:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My sister and I are both still in education and both live at home. From the second I could, I got a part time job. I have been contributing 40%(as per my parents request) of what I earn to the household since I got the job a few years ago. When my sister started college, our parents encouraged her to get a job too, but she didn't want to and wasn't putting much of an effort in finding one. Over 2 years later she finally got called for 2 interviews, and ended up being offered a part time job for the Christmas period. My parents were obviously delighted and said they will now match each of her payslips by giving her the same amount of money. Baring in mind that they have been giving her money all along while she had no job anyway.

    I am honestly quite hurt by this, and said that I would never have expected them to do this for me(I think it's crazy tbh), but I felt it was very unfair to reward one child for working and take money from the other. I was then told by my parents that I am just jealous (probably I am, but mostly hurt and upset).
    I can't figure out how it ended up with all 3 of my family members being mad at me, am I missing something? Maybe this is reasonable and I can't see why?


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    #2
    the_pen_turner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,509 ✭✭✭the_pen_turner


    your right to be mad


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    #3
    The Raptor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,433 ✭✭✭The Raptor


    It's not reasonable, it's unfair.


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    #4
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    You are absolutely right. Since her job is temporary I suppose it's fair not to ask her to contribute... but to actually give her money while taking it from you is extremely unfair and must be hurtful for you to accept.


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    #5
    pookie82
    Registered Users Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    This reminds me of something I first noticed in the classroom when I was 5/6 years old. Generally poor students, or those who rarely made an effort, were rewarded with stars/sweets/stickers whenever they bothered to do a scrap of homework or get a half-decent grade. Those who consistently performed well, however, were never rewarded.

    I think this might be what's happening with your parents and sister, and it's deeply unfair. She's probably been molly coddled all her life, and rarely expected to perform (in this case, get a job), so when she does bother, they're so elated they heap rewards on her. Whereas you went out and got your job and didn't need to be encouraged/rewarded.

    I would sit down with them (parents only, leave her out of it) and ask why you are made to contribute when her wage is doubled. Try to get to the core of their logic and ask them why they think it's fair, from your point of view. Remember to stress that you never had a problem with it until you witnessed the stark difference in what was expected of you vs her. I'd be tempted to suggest that if they're willing to match her salary, perhaps they no longer need your contribution ... I mean, is the money you're giving them going to go towards topping hers up?? That's ludicrous.

    I would be very offended in your situation, unless there's something you're not telling us.


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    #6
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    You're totally right to feel the way you do. If there's one thing that gets on my oar, it's parents who - blatantly - treat their offspring differently.

    As has been said above, I could understand your parents giving her a reprieve from making a household contribution seeing as she hasn't been working and is now only on a temporary job. But to actually match her paycheque whilst requesting that you hand over 40%? That's not on.

    As above, you need to sit with your parents and calmly/rationally (so it doesn't appear you have a chip on your shoulder about this) discuss this over. Explain that you're not jealous and you have no qualms about paying your 40%, but you can't understand why your sister is not only excused from making a contribution, but is actually financially rewarded by your parents for working. From an economic perspective, your parents could just ask you both for 20%-30% and not only would they be better off, but your sister would be learning some life lessons about budgeting and paying your way.


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    #7
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    OP I think that's very unfair. Sit down and tell your parents that for the period of time your sister is working and they are contributing to her that you will withhold the 40% of your income that your normally give them. Why should they take money out of your hand and put it in hers?


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    #8
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    OP I thought you were just going to say she wasn't required to contribute for her short term work, which I could understand, but I've never heard of parents matching an adult child's wages, and on top of that there other child is asked to contribute 40%, and you're both students??? That's INSANE.

    Your sister is obviously spoilt, mine is too, and to be honest I don't think it does them any favours in the long run.


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