Upset by colleagues words

spellwoman

So I started a new job 5 months ago & am in an office with 4 others.. I have been so nice to them since I started & help them out in any way that I can.
Today, one of my colleagues asked me if I was under pressure - when I went to respond my throat was dry so I coughed twice & replied I am just doing up these accounts here, why would you like me to do something. She replied straight away really snappy and said no its fine, Roisín will do it.
About 20 minutes later I left the room and realised when I was down the hall that I had forgotten something on my desk.. As I put my hand on the door of our office to open it I overhead one of my colleagues imitating me coughing and telling the others that I had refused to help her.
She called me a stupid c**t three times in the conversation which basically consisted of slagging me off and calling me selfish.
I am so annoyed & upset about this and don't know what to do. Do I confront her?
I feel like I've come into an environment where these 4 people are in a clique and I'm on the outside - I have tried so hard to fit in and thought I was getting on great with them, especially the one who slagged me off the most which makes it even harder to swallow!
I know this probably sounds stupid to some of you but if you heard the way they spoke about me you'd understand. When I came back into the room then they were so sweet & nice to me.
I know I'm doing my job right as my boss has told me so and has also asked me to take on more duties already-I love the job, but I do not want to work in an environment like this.

What to do?!

BabysCoffee

My advice would be just forgot you heard what they said.

Keep the head down and keep up the good work.

GuessWhoEh

spellwoman wrote:

What to do?!

Personally I would drop the C word into conversations next time. Pretty much soon after I walk into the room. Make a light joke out of something, use the C word and make it known you heard, and purposely cough again. Childish, I know. But honestly, I wouldn't let them away with it. Once you say something, they will be licking your bottom. Watch. I've seen it happen in my place, not the exact same degree but similar context and now, everyone is fine and dandy. Make it known that you know you're new, arrange a little lunch date with them, show what you're like outside work and I can promise you, out of the group, two will probably think you're the best thing since slice bread. People always hate newbies. Its like an inside job law. Once you're new, people make unnecessary obsecules just for their own entertainment and bitchiness is the top one. Take it in your stride. Show you're there to do your job but you're not toleranting nastiness as well. That way, you can go to work stress free and they can know next time, another newbie might not be so kind and to at least give people a chance.

I'm sorry for the rant but Jesus I hate people who are nasty for no reason

Teyla Emmagan

That's awful. I would be really upset by that too. What disgusting and unprofessional language out of a colleague. I would definitely not let her away with that if I were you. I would confront her in front of the whole room and tell her you have done nothing to deserve such treatment. I'd go to HR in fact. And even if you don't you know now what you are dealing with. That's not normal in any respect OP, you are right to be upset.

whiskeyman

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

That's awful. I would be really upset by that too. What disgusting and unprofessional language out of a colleague. I would definitely not let her away with that if I were you. I would confront her in front of the whole room and tell her you have done nothing to deserve such treatment. I'd go to HR in fact. And even if you don't you know now what you are dealing with. That's not normal in any respect OP, you are right to be upset.

I really would advise against this.

This could actually make the other girl go to HR against you for false allegations in front of other workers.

I would advise you keep your head down and keep up the good work, as already said, but take note of anything that you may need should you make a complaint in the future.
Going to HR now could leave you in a bit of a pickle (do you have proof?) and would ensure your colleagues would turn against you properly.
It's probably a good heads up to keep these colleagues at arms length.
Don't divulge anything more than you need to with them.
Don't be obviously hostile with them, but just be courteous.

Best of luck!

Colser

I'd be very upset also OP but at least you're now aware of what they're like.
I'd say nothing but I'd play it cool with them,not rude or anything just not engage overly unless it's work related.Do your own work well and don't be over helpful with any of their work .Give them nothing to say but keep to yourself as much as you can....try to remember that you've done nothing wrong and this is just office politics at its lowest form.Watch them try to crawl back when they realise that you haven't fallen for their "niceness".
I've seen this behaviour a few times and it's usually one b*tbh and a few followers,ignore them in as much as you can OP.

_Brian

You could use your phone or a dictaphone and leave it recording on your desk when you leave the room. It would be useful backpocket information.

However, offices can be very septic environments, it's part of office life. Accept that, laugh at their juvenile behaviour and do your own job as best you can.

The Diddakoi

I would carry on treating the other 3 the way you had been, and be polite but not overly helpful to the ringleader.
Just because the other 3 were there, and may not have tried to defend you, doesn't mean they agreed with her. In all work situations there is always one like her. They probably know this too, and just go along with her not to rock the boat.
If the subject of your coolness to her ever comes up, all you have to say is you have heard what she says about people behind their backs.

neonsofa

I would wait until you're doing some kind of task with/for her and just casually say "by the way if you have a problem with me I would much prefer that you say it to my face than call me a **** behind my back, just so we can resolve any issues and get on with things like professionals yeah?" It shows you know exactly what she said and it addresses it in a somewhat non confrontational way but tells her you don't accept that kind of stuff and that you want things to remain professional.

anewme

neonsofa wrote: »

I would wait until you're doing some kind of task with/for her and just casually say "by the way if you have a problem with me I would much prefer that you say it to my face than call me a **** behind my back, just so we can resolve any issues and get on with things like professionals yeah?" It shows you know exactly what she said and it addresses it in a somewhat non confrontational way but tells her you don't accept that kind of stuff and that you want things to remain professional.

This is what I would do and have done in the very recent past.

Ohhh it works!!

spellwoman

Thanks everyone for your replies 😀
So I confronted my colleague this morning & her response was that she was in a bad mood and under pressure & she didn't mean what she said & asked me if I can forget about it, that it's just the way she is & she could say it about anyone when she's in a mood like that..
So I just told her I am very annoyed over it as I've tried so hard to fit in with them & thought we all got on well & help eachother out when we can & then I hear what I heard. She said please please just forget about it - I really didnt mean what I said!
I won't forget about it though & will keep my distance from the whole lot of them and keep my head down. I'm on the lookout now big time for a new job - I am not going to stay in an environment like this. I have also withdrawn my yes rsvp to the Christmas party! ☺
The day I leave here I will tell everyone else in the building what two faced people they're working with. They're constantly slagging off everyone they work with & I hate it.
I'll make sure everyone finds out what they're really like before I leave 😛
Nobody knows what's going on in anyone else's life & should really think twice before opening their mouths and that's what really bugs me that they are so selfish & self centred.

Rant over!!! Sorry..

Thanks everyone for all your responses again, really appreciate it - they gave me the strength to confront the wicked witch today 😉

Mrs OBumble

I agree with finding a new job, since you'rein the same room as them. You don't want to end with a reputation for being like that.

But be aware that there's some like this in every company, and it's always handy to know who it is.

Thoie

spellwoman wrote: »

The day I leave here I will tell everyone else in the building what two faced people they're working with. They're constantly slagging off everyone they work with & I hate it.
I'll make sure everyone finds out what they're really like before I leave 😛
Nobody knows what's going on in anyone else's life & should really think twice before opening their mouths and that's what really bugs me that they are so selfish & self centred.

Rant over!!! Sorry..

Thanks everyone for all your responses again, really appreciate it - they gave me the strength to confront the wicked witch today 😉

Just remember that Ireland is a very small place - as satisfying as it would be to let everyone know exactly what you think as you're leaving, you could well end up working with those people again at a later time. If there's an exit interview you could mention it there in private to HR, but I wouldn't take out a billboard (or send a mass email) to everyone in the company.

Chin up, knowing who can't be trusted is always worthwhile.

anewme

I think you did well to confront her(I would have) but I'd leave it at that.

I think the best thing you can do is rise above it. Not because I'd be worried about meeting up with them again, more from the point f view that it's negative energy and you would be only stooping to their level.

On the Christmas party topic, is there just them going? If it was I would say don't go, but if there are others in the Company going that you know, why let the witches of Eastwick stop you socialising with other colleagues.

I knew she'd back down once confronted - they always do. I definitely think there's always one ringleader, the rest are just sheep, baaaa, baaa.

pilly

spellwoman wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies 😀
So I confronted my colleague this morning & her response was that she was in a bad mood and under pressure & she didn't mean what she said & asked me if I can forget about it, that it's just the way she is & she could say it about anyone when she's in a mood like that..
So I just told her I am very annoyed over it as I've tried so hard to fit in with them & thought we all got on well & help eachother out when we can & then I hear what I heard. She said please please just forget about it - I really didnt mean what I said!
I won't forget about it though & will keep my distance from the whole lot of them and keep my head down. I'm on the lookout now big time for a new job - I am not going to stay in an environment like this. I have also withdrawn my yes rsvp to the Christmas party! ☺
The day I leave here I will tell everyone else in the building what two faced people they're working with. They're constantly slagging off everyone they work with & I hate it.
I'll make sure everyone finds out what they're really like before I leave 😛
Nobody knows what's going on in anyone else's life & should really think twice before opening their mouths and that's what really bugs me that they are so selfish & self centred.

Rant over!!! Sorry..

Thanks everyone for all your responses again, really appreciate it - they gave me the strength to confront the wicked witch today 😉

Fair play to you for confronting it but to be honest now, if someone did apologise to me I'd let it go for now. I'd be wary and keep my distance alright but I would let it pass. You have to work there everyday and it's just easier if you are amicable with colleagues. There's a difference between being civil and pleasant and being friendly. You don't have to be friends with colleagues, I've learnt that over the years. In fact it's sometimes better not to be.

BettePorter

Nothing worse than joining an environment with a clique. And its ALWAYS one person who instigates it all. If you met the rest of them without that one person you coukd be friends for life. But it just takes one bitch who is constantly stoking . Might not even be the girl who bitched you. In my experience though the sheep are usually as distrustful of the ringleader as you are. If you like the job, id play the long game, get to know the others one on one and you might find its not you who is the outsider afterall.

Ursus Horribilis

Well done on confronting yer wan because that took guts. She's probably not going to bother you from now on because of how you pulled her up.

I agree 100% with Thoie though. Ireland is a small place and it never ceases to surprise me who knows who and who's related to who. Not to mention how people you've not heard or seen in years can come back into your life in some guise or another. Badmouthing people can come back to bite you and it makes you look bad.

coffeepls

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Well done on confronting yer wan because that took guts. She's probably not going to bother you from now on because of how you pulled her up.

I agree 100% with Thoie though. Ireland is a small place and it never ceases to surprise me who knows who and who's related to who. Not to mention how people you've not heard or seen in years can come back into your life in some guise or another. Badmouthing people can come back to bite you and it makes you look bad.

Agree with this too - never burn your bridges - rather than harbouring this wanting to tell them what for as you eventually leave, if I were you I'd just move on from the whole issue. You know what they are like, so you can be wary. Good luck with finding a better job, but bury the hatchet for now. What good is this bad feeling doing you.

Passtheremote

Good on you for confronting the person, that took guts and it sounds like you did it like the professional you are.

I'd be careful about letting this incident however upsetting completely derail an otherwise promising start to a new job. You said you like the work, are good at it, get on with the boss and we're generally happy with the other colleagues. Jobs like that are not easy to come across.

This woman sounds like a common school yard bully. You come across these types, good news for you is you found out early. If you could maybe try to disconnect emotionally from the person, and go about your work, keep all contact with her strictly professional and aloof. You might in a few months move on from it. Also you might be able to swap offices, she might leave etc.

Don't let the bullies win!

Needles73

_Brian wrote: »

You could use your phone or a dictaphone and leave it recording on your desk when you leave the room. It would be useful backpocket information.

However, offices can be very septic environments, it's part of office life. Accept that, laugh at their juvenile behaviour and do your own job as best you can.

That would be illegal - recording people without consent or at least being informed

ongarboy

spellwoman wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies 😀
So I confronted my colleague this morning & her response was that she was in a bad mood and under pressure & she didn't mean what she said & asked me if I can forget about it, that it's just the way she is & she could say it about anyone when she's in a mood like that..
So I just told her I am very annoyed over it as I've tried so hard to fit in with them & thought we all got on well & help eachother out when we can & then I hear what I heard. She said please please just forget about it - I really didnt mean what I said!
I won't forget about it though & will keep my distance from the whole lot of them and keep my head down. I'm on the lookout now big time for a new job - I am not going to stay in an environment like this. I have also withdrawn my yes rsvp to the Christmas party! ☺
The day I leave here I will tell everyone else in the building what two faced people they're working with. They're constantly slagging off everyone they work with & I hate it.
I'll make sure everyone finds out what they're really like before I leave 😛
Nobody knows what's going on in anyone else's life & should really think twice before opening their mouths and that's what really bugs me that they are so selfish & self centred.

Rant over!!! Sorry..

Thanks everyone for all your responses again, really appreciate it - they gave me the strength to confront the wicked witch today 😉

OP, well done for confronting your tormentor in the manner you did. Her weak excuse may have been because she was caught off guard because no one confronted her before and she probably has a new respect for you now knowing that you are not a pushover.

However, the piece I've highlighted in bold above is because I think you should choose your battles carefully should you decide to leave. I think you may have dealt with this issue now so you should try and move on from it. Blabbing to all and sundry about fellow workers in such a negative light, no matter how true everything you say is, will not be viewed as professional or favourable and could backfire against you in future job down the road.

I work in the funds industry which employs many thousands of people in Dublin alone, but despite that it is a small world and the amount of times I've crossed paths with people I used to work with in past jobs 5, 10 and 15 years ago as they or I joined new companies is quite startling. Some are just contractors or more significantly, have become clients of the company I would be currently working for and the small talk banter we jokingly engage in when we reacquaint after so many years usually runs along the lines of "you should never fall out with anyone in this industry, you never know when you'll be working with them again....".

Even if you never work with these particular colleagues again, what if the managers get wind of your last day vitriol filled rant about your colleagues and you are looking for a reference? They may have a changed view of what you are like if they see you act like this. They may also question why you didn't come to management to deal with it at the time and now view you unfavourably. Worse, what if you work with one of them in a future workplace as job mobility is the norm for most workers these days? Like I said above, be careful and avoid the temptation to seek what may be a hollow revenge. Just be content that you've evened the scored by confronting your tormentor directly.

amtc

I walked into my new job, which I got through a guy I used to work with, in June and found myself sitting opposite a guy I worked with 15 years ago, beside a guy I worked with 10 years ago. Mailing list for industry stuff I know all. Even from dating some. Never burn your bridges. That doesn't mean being two faced, you've resolved this issue.

thegodlife

This is incredibly difficult especially if you are sensitive I remember starting work in an office with an established click which from the very first day I was excluded from, I think it was because I was appointed to a role that one of the others applied for. They used to all go to lunch together in their own cars and didnt even tell me until going out the door. Just keep your head down and eye open and opportunities often spring up from nowhere.