Long distance.../pen pals?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I want to go anon for this as I'm a reg user of Boards.

A few weekends ago, I went to another Irish city for a weekend away with the girls. Met a guy in a bar, and we hit it off. We went home together, which has been a first for me, but nevertheless, we clicked right away and hada strong connection. We stayed up talking for hours, he is studying to work in the field I'm in and we have lots in common. It was refreshing. We went for breakfast the next day and spent a few hours together before I left to return to my home town.

We exchanged numbers and have been talking every day since we met. We have talked about every subject, families, life experiences, future plans/ goals. When I returned home I asked about the distance and how he felt keeping in touch. He said it would be a barrier, but didn't want to base anything on that so early and wanted to stay in touch. I'll be returning to his city in two weeks for my friend's hen weekend. A few nights ago, when we were chatting I asked about the distance and noted our conversations had become somewhat sexual. He said that in terms of something developing between us, it would be difficult but wanted to stay in touch regardless. I put a boundary in place around the sexual tone to some conversations, which was fine and we have continued to chat. I also said that if we would never meet again then I didn't see the point of contact. He agreed but said let's see where things go, and meet up when I go back and take it from there. We have agreed to go for dinner/ a coffee and see how we are feeling. T

he truth is, I already know I like this guy, which sounds absolutely absurd when I've spent one night with him. I'm scared that if I continue this level of contact, i.e daily conversations, I'll continue to get attached and may be let down. I've no reason to doubt what he is saying, my gut says he is genuine and waiting to see what happens when we meet.

I've been out of the dating scene for around two years and like the idea of something possibly prospering from this....however, the fact we had sex so early on, live in different sides of the country are all kind of bothering me.... Advice please/anyone had a similar preference?!

leggo

If you like him, there's no harm in having a go of it and seeing if you guys can make it work. I know people who've made long distance work for them, I know some who've tried it and ended up heartbroken (but that can happen if you're dating your next door neighbour sure).

If long distance isn't for you, that's fine too, don't ignore what you want out of a relationship either. But if the that's the case then you're right to go with your gut of cutting contact because what else is he then but a distraction that could prevent you from finding what you actually want?

leggo

If you like him, there's no harm in having a go of it and seeing if you guys can make it work. I know people who've made long distance work for them, I know some who've tried it and ended up heartbroken (but that can happen if you're dating your next door neighbour sure).

If long distance isn't for you, that's fine too, don't ignore what you want out of a relationship either. But if the that's the case then you're right to go with your gut of cutting contact because what else is he then but a distraction that could prevent you from finding what you actually want?

jlm29

If you like him, hang in there another little while, and see what happens. Ireland is a very small country, there's no two cities which are an insurmountable distance apart, IMO. Also, if he's in college, presumably he has the capacity to move around a bit in the future, when he qualifies. Maybe you do too. It would be different if you both had permanent jobs, houses, maybe a child or something that would inevitably prevent one of you from moving to be with the other. That said, being in different cities will mean a bit of extra work, so you'd have to both be prepared for that!

tara73

headoverheart2016 wrote: »

Hi,

He said that in terms of something developing between us, it would be difficult but wanted to stay in touch regardless. I put a boundary in place around the sexual tone to some conversations, which was fine and we have continued to chat. I also said that if we would never meet again then I didn't see the point of contact. He agreed but said let's see where things go, and meet up when I go back and take it from there. We have agreed to go for dinner/ a coffee and see how we are feeling. T

for me, there are too many red flags in there. he's very vague, saying it would be difficult doesn't show much of enthusiasm which should be there in the first contacts.
also the sexual tone in the conversations is a big red flag for me.
frankly, for me it sounds he's looking for a casual sex opportunity, keeps you hanging in with nothing more but vague statements to not loose you for this opportunity.
I would cut contact.