Can I feel that strongly again?

LegacyUser

So last year I truly fell in love with a boy. I was in my first year in college, had a plethora of issues and was just understanding myself. My feelings for him were intense, I had never felt like that before. Being alone with him was almost electric. There was a connection there that I had never made with another person and honestly thought I would never make.

But yes, my feelings were simple, his were not. Long(and painful) story short, he was just looking for the ride from me. He admitted we had a connection but he was not interested and two months later he had a new girlfriend. Naturally I was sad and it was a tough few months since I had to see him daily with another person. Looking back I never had been through anything so difficult but I'm okay now.

My worry is, I've been with other boys since then, but I haven't felt what I felt with him. I can't feel it and something keeps telling me he was the one and the only one. I know I was and still am young but it felt so mature and real. Has anyone been in that situation and ended up finding that connection again?

gossamer

"The one" is a fallacy. Stop romanticising this guy and see him for what he is. He used you for sex and chose someone else for a relationship, that's the bones of it. Why would you wish to be in a relationship with someone like that? And why would you think they're "it". He's not. There's plenty of people you'll gel with. I'm guessing he was your first love so it's going to take a little longer to get over him but you will get over him. You're prolonging the pain and infatuation by fantasising about him and you, and how great ye would have been together. You don't know how things would have panned out if you had entered a long term relationship - it could have been awful. You can't feel anything for anyone else because you're still stuck on the idea of him. Not the real version of him, warts and all. To get over someone you need to be proactive about it and stop fueling the fire. You will meet someone else and you will experience a connection as good or even better, but you need to let go of this fantasy. Because that's what it is.

OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE

Yea, not enough time has past is all.

He used you, you know this. Don't ever go back there.

Block him in everything, email, phone, bookface, snapchat or whatever else you are searching for him with and move on...it can take a good bit of time, 3 months or more but eventually you wake up and they don't pop in to your head.

You'll look in the mirror in time when you are with someone who isin't the scumbag he was and tell yourself you were some muppet.

Be careful with new relationships, don't trust people to quick, when you meet someone who seems ok start the trust meter at 50% and look for reasons to add to it, maybe come down sick all of a sudden and see what they do.

If you're meeting online/facebook, start at Minus 20%, it's easy to come across nice online, you think you know them when you meet but you know nothing.

daithi7

Ah yes, to be young again, it ain't easy growing up.

You probably won't experience such a 'strong connection'again with a significant other, if you learn from this experience. You'll experience far more, deeper, sounder and genuine relationships going forward hopefully. Infatuation isn't a state of ecstasy, it's a state of persecution.

You're young, You're developing, go easy on yourself and for gawds sakes, try to enjoy the journey along the way.
Good luck )

LegacyUser

Defo agree with starting meter at minus 20% for meeting online.

I met someone online who I thought was the "the one" at the time!

I went off the account, had not logged in. Then one day I logged in , he was there and he went off in a huff cos I was there!

God knows how long he was using it. I really thought he was genuine and had made so much effort to come and meet me 3 hours away.

So now I am extremely wary of meeting people online. I still have no issue with meeting online but I think it takes months to earn trust.

zoobizoo

As the Australian band the Whitlams sang "she was one in a million, so there are four more like her in New South Wales"

You'll meet and feel more for someone else in the future...