Too early to involve feelings?

LegacyUser

When is the right time to tell a guy you like him and look for a bit of commitment?

I've been seeing a lad for a few weeks now, we have spent a few nights together and been on a date prior. I've know him for 2 years. He acts like he does have feelings for me although I obviously don't actually know how he is feeling. Is it too early to ask him about his intentions? I'm tired of now knowing and trying to decode his foggy signals. Not to mention I don't want to continue sleeping with him if he is with other girls.

Idle Passerby

There are no hard and fast rules for these things. You are obviously uncomfortable not knowing where he stands so ask him. If he's on the same page as you, great. If he isn't you'll know and can decide whether to give him a bit more time or call it a day.

SarahMollie

It stood out to me that you described it as 1 date and then some sleepovers.

Not continuing dates punctuated by sleepovers?

Is it possible that he just did enough to get you into bed, and now thats all that goes on?

BetsyEllen

If you only went on one date but now sleep together regularly with no talk of commitment...it sounds like you are f*ck buddies.
Best to ask sooner rather than later so you can put an end to it if you're not happy with that type of arrangement.

There's not a set 'right time' to ask. You have the right to ask at any stage where you stand with someone.

Big Bag of Chips

1 date, a few nights together and foggy signals.

From what you've described it does sound like a fwb setup. Ask him on a date with no plan to stay over and see how keen he is.

leggo

Maybe I'm just getting old but I just say things like this straight out these days regardless of whether it's 'the right time' or not. You should never feel like you have to go along with what someone else wants for the sake of not upsetting them, get clarity on where you stand whenever you feel that way. I prefer to know if a person is looking for a relationship/casual before I even go on a date with them and make sure it syncs up with what I want. Maybe it is too pushy but it also means I'm not stuck in situations I don't like and don't waste my time so I can find someone I'm in-sync with.

Calypso Realm

leggo wrote: »

. I prefer to know if a person is looking for a relationship/casual before I even go on a date with them and make sure it syncs up with what I want. .

This. In addition the time to talk about exclusivity is before you sleep with someone, if that is what you want. A few words like 'I only sleep with someone when we're exclusive' should suffice.The right guy will step up. Guys are generally straightforward and will say what they're looking for early on-at least that's been my experience.

OP, he must know you like him at this point!

njs030

It's not really about feelings, more about having boundaries and making sure you're both getting what you want from the relationship/arrangement.

If you're posting here then things aren't working for you so it's time to say something, remember he isn't psychic and you've gone along with things as they are so he would presume you were happy so don't be aggressive or act like you've been wronged.
A simple "is this exclusive?" or "I'd like to go on a proper date with you again next weekend" is enough to find out if you're on the same page....and if he doesn't want that then plenty of others will so don't worry!!

Xterminator

just to echo, he is not psychic. your not sure about things, but neither is he.

There is no right time formula because everyone is different. One poster above explained how they won't sleep with a partner unless they are exclusive. And that seems to work for them.

If you think you need to have the chat - then now would seem like the right time for you. Communicate, find out what he wants, tell him what you want & like and see if there is common ground.