Is this girl aware of my feelings/ intentions?

Beatroot

This post may end up quite long.
Basically I'm living abroad and met this girl. I've known her for over 3 weeks now. She recently offered her number to me (gave her mine as well), and said if I ever found myself bored on the weekends I should travel up to her and she'd show me around her town. We are both getting treatment for anxiety disorders.
We were sitting alone in a room together talking, shortly before she left for the weekend, and she noticed that I seemed a little anxious and asked if it was the room we were in. I said 'yeah but being in here with you makes it worth it'. She then immediately said ''yes!!'' and did a fist pump. Seemed to be a good sign? Well shortly after that asked her out for dinner/drinks and made clear it would just be the two of us. She said yes.
Now literally right after she left for home that night, she texted me, talking about random stuff. She continued texting me over the weekend, it was mostly her initiating, and asking me what I was doing that day/the next day. I think I was playing it pretty well up until last night when my anxiety got the better of me and I decided I would call her. I should note at this point that our dinner together has changed to the theatre (she asked by text if I was interested in going to this show and said I was, on the condition that it just be her and I, as we were meant to do dinner. She agreed.)
Anyway last night I called her for the first time (I had actually texted her earlier that day saying I would call). I caught her as she was just about to head into the gym. But she answered and we chatted for a bit, mainly about how we were going to get to the theatre this Friday. At some point it got a little awkward after I said that I had never seen the show and never really go to the theatre. She then asked 'why are we going then?', to which I responded, 'cause I like hanging out with you'. Her response was ''Awww''
I felt like maybe this call was a bad move and came across as needy/desperate, what do you think? One hr later she texted me (saying she had a great workout).
I've a few questions. From what I have said, does this mean everything is good and I didn't turn her off by calling?? And have I made it clear enough that I am interested in her (and not as a friend)?
I have not heard from her at all today and I'm just worried I've blown it.

Rekop dog

She seems very keen from what you've said anyway. Stop overthinking everything and try relax and enjoy yourself. Nothing wrong with calling either, awkwardness can often just be a sign she likes you and is a little tongue tied. Anyway you're getting all the green lights so stop doubting yourself.

danslevent

Hi OP,
I actually think that the phone call was a lovely gesture. Nowadays it is all Facebook messages, snapchat etc. Even though you said the phone call was spurned out of anxiety, I think it gives the opposite impression. It shows you have the confidence to ring someone and be upfront.
Don't be so hard on yourself! From what you have described, she seems to be interested in you. My advice to you would be to try and relax and to enjoy yourself. I know those first few months that you are dating someone that you really like can be riddled with anxiety, nevermind if you already suffer from it, but try and turn that anxiety into excitement.
There is a really interesting TED talk about how you can convert the feeling of anxiety into one of excitement. I won't do it justice trying to explain it here but you should definitely check it out.
Carry on OP, and enjoy yourself

LegacyUser

Obviously it's pointless to say "relax" to someone with anxiety issues, but in dating terms, relax man. Signs are good, no need for overthinking or acting on little insecurities, take one date and a time and yes, she is well aware of your feelings and intentions and so far she's going along with them. You have reasons to be hopeful and excited without getting carried away of over-invested, but no reason in what you've said so far to be worried about this.

If I'd urge one note of caution, don't make arrangements "on condition" that it's just the two of you. You might see that as time together to get to know each other, she may see it as controlling. Just take the dates and suggestions as they come.

BetsyEllen

You are HUGELY overthinking this..
She likes you, you have a date arranged...relax!

Katgurl

All fine, enjoy the date.

Rekop dog

Just one thing with regards the date, ask her to meet up maybe an hour or so before the show for a drink or two. Wouldn't be a big fan of first dates like cinema or shows were the main emphasis isn't on conversation, you'll most likely not even enjoy whatevers on because naturally your main thoughts are on her. So don't just show up straight before it starts without having a laugh for a while beforehand and making her feel at ease in your company.

Beatroot

Okay so bita bad news. Turns out she was not interested in me! Are you flipping kidding!?

Tells me she didn't realise I was attracted to her until I actually told her, 1 hour before we were set to leave for the theatre. She brought it up, saying everyone was talking about us and thought there was something between us. That's when I told her loud and clear that I thought there was.

We didn't go to the theatre, I said it would be better if we did not (even though I paid mad money for the seats). I told her I didn't think we could be friends and I would probably just quit treatment and go home. She got worried about me and started crying. I told her she could leave and go to her building if she wanted numerous times but she refused and stayed with me talking to me for 6 hours till the early hours of the morning.. wtf

She really wants to be friends, but honestly just want to leave and forget about her.

tara73

headwreck! kudos to you, you seem so confident in yourself, so stick to your guns and cut contact, tell her firmly no friendship possible.

just why did you talk to her for 6 hours and about what? seems unnecessary regarding the situation and contradicts your statement you don't want a friendship. If you say something, stick to it, otherwise you'll end up exactly in the position you don't want to be in. Being her ego stroke.

Tigger99

So you threatened to stop treatment for your anxiety because she's not attracted to you? No wonder she felt she couldn't go home. There's no wtf about it. Sounds like she was concerned about you but only as a friend. I think you are being unfair to her.

osarusan

Beatroot wrote: »

Okay so bita bad news. Turns out she was not interested in me! Are you flipping kidding!?

Tells me she didn't realise I was attracted to her until I actually told her, 1 hour before we were set to leave for the theatre. She brought it up, saying everyone was talking about us and thought there was something between us. That's when I told her loud and clear that I thought there was.

We didn't go to the theatre, I said it would be better if we did not (even though I paid mad money for the seats). I told her I didn't think we could be friends and I would probably just quit treatment and go home. She got worried about me and started crying. I told her she could leave and go to her building if she wanted numerous times but she refused and stayed with me talking to me for 6 hours till the early hours of the morning.. wtf

She really wants to be friends, but honestly just want to leave and forget about her.

That's a pity. Given her comments and behaviour it was completely natural for you to think she was interested in you. Shame she doesn't feel the same way.

I have no idea what you are doing when you say that you will just quit treatment and go home. It sounds like an attempt at a guilt-trip, and I don't know what you expect to achieve.

tara73

osarusan wrote: »

I have no idea what you are doing when you say that you will just quit treatment and go home. It sounds like an attempt at a guilt-trip, and I don't know what you expect to achieve.

missed that part of you telling her you'll quit treatment in my previous post. agree with poster above, why did you tell her, to send her on the guilt-trip as revenge?

Recapitulating what you wrote in your two posts and after reading it again I think you both are not that mature (at the moment?) You both should probably concentrate on yourself, on your mental health, (anxiety) and leave the dating and relationship stuff aside for a while.

Beatroot

First of all we are on fairly good terms now. I'll get to that in a minute.

Secondly, I did not ''threaten'' to do anything... She got upset and thought I was going to hurt myself, for some reason. I said that was not going to happen and worst case scenario is I just go home, as it would be better for the both of us.

I said she could leave for the night, but she refused. She asked if we could still be friends and I told her no I didn't think we could, but she wouldn't accept it.. We talked for 6hrs because I had nothing else to do that night. But we managed to clear the air a bit and the night ended well.

Then the following night, I was out and she texted me saying she was bored and wanted to see me. So when I got back later I went in to her, stayed for a while then told her I had to leave because I had difficulty being around her. She asked why. I said why do you think, you know I have feelings for you. So I walked out.

Next morning, she's texting me like nothing happened..

She seems to feel very attached to me, and I find this confusing. Since that night she texts me all the time. ''I'm bored'', ''where are you?'', always asking what I'm doing, where I am, wanting to hang out and following me around and such..

She knows I'm attracted to her. So why is she doing this if she knows I can't see her as just a friend?

tupenny

Sounds like she enjoys the attention or, as she said , is bored.

Just ignore her.

gossamer

Beatroot wrote: »

She knows I'm attracted to her. So why is she doing this if she knows I can't see her as just a friend?

She may enjoy the ego boost of someone liking her and in turn the power that goes with it. Or the drama of it all. Or the attention. A multitude of reasons really. I'd move on with my life. Another poster said she was a headwreck and they're spot on. If she's upset you don't want to remain friends, then tough. You don't owe her friendship, just as she doesn't owe you a relationship.

Beatroot

Tbh maybe I crave attention too at the moment cause I haven't been able to stop hanging out with her..

Last couple of nights she's been making very flirty comments such as; 'looks like you have some nice muscles under there' and in response to us agreeing to having breakfast together she says 'what will you do to me if I don't'. She also wanted to see my room.

Problem is, she has severe contamination OCD (she has a fear of picking up an illness), which means she cannot be touched by anyone in any type of hospital environment. Nobody can touch her or she'll freak out. She can't even sit in most of the chairs here and I see her standing a lot. She's said this means we can't be intimate.. but if we'd met in a different setting maybe it would be different.

I get that but my issue is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which means I have body image problems and so naturally I put this down to me not being attractive enough and it's seriously impacting my ability to continue treatment. I'm just really depressed and can't focus on anything. Don't know what to do. Once again I feel like I should leave, because this is not good for me.

njs030

Beatroot wrote: »

Tbh maybe I crave attention too at the moment cause I haven't been able to stop hanging out with her..

Last couple of nights she's been making very flirty comments such as; 'looks like you have some nice muscles under there' and in response to us agreeing to having breakfast together she says 'what will you do to me if I don't'. She also wanted to see my room.

Problem is, she has severe contamination OCD (she has a fear of picking up an illness), which means she cannot be touched by anyone in any type of hospital environment. Nobody can touch her or she'll freak out. She can't even sit in most of the chairs here and I see her standing a lot. She's said this means we can't be intimate.. but if we'd met in a different setting maybe it would be different.

I get that but my issue is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which means I have body image problems and so naturally I put this down to me not being attractive enough and it's seriously impacting my ability to continue treatment. I'm just really depressed and can't focus on anything. Don't know what to do. Once again I feel like I should leave, because this is not good for me.

Did you discuss asking this girl out with your counselor (or whoever is in charge of your treatment) before doing so?
I don't mean to be harsh but from your description of her disorder it seems pretty clear she wasn't going to enter a relationship so why did you do that?

With your own disorder perhaps you need to work on dealing with that and having a way to deal with rejection before putting yourself in a position where it could happen.
Rejection happens to us all and we need to be able to accept it and move on in whatever way is easiest for us....friendship isn't working for you so you need to cut ties and talk to someone who can help you re-focus.

Dating can wait until you're on your feet and more balanced.

beks101

From what you've described it's blatantly obvious that neither of you are equipped for dating at the moment and that's what's lead to this toxic, dysfunctional situation between you both. Any therapist worth his/her salt would advise both of you to keep well away.

Her illness means a relationship is nowhere on the cards for her any time soon and her rejection of you has ramped up your own illness several notches. So why bother?

Focus on your recovery as a matter of priority, as without that you'll find yourself in more messed up situations with women that only cause your mental health to deteriorate further and further. Block her out of your life and pour all of your energy into getting better.

tara73

I can only second my last post. stay away from each other, take care of your own mental health, keep this your priority for the time being and when you feel better you can think about dating again.