how can i keep myself motivated ?

LegacyUser

My life, until now, has been an absolute mess.

Well i don' t know where to start or how to frame this. I've been meaning to ask this here for a long long time, and im a bit embarrassed to post this, but i've got no one else to ask to.

I was just reading the thread from a few days earlier about the 20 year old guy who said he hasn't been with anyone/had a girlfriend. I was going to post the exact same thing, except my case is worse than his. I'm almost 5 years older (25) and i've never had a girlfriend or slept with someone. I'm a bit ashamed & embarrassed to say that as a guy, but after reading some of the replies there i feel motivated that i can change things.

College wasn't a great experience for me. I lost a year and things didn't go out as planned from the start - i 'should have' joined societies or groups which i never ended up doing and mostly kept to myself. And i didn't make a lot of friends in the process. Instead, i ended up making a lot of enemies than friends and have turned the few friends i had into enemies. Either that or people have deserted me. Birthdays are the worst reminders. The same with friends & acquaintances in school, although that's understandable - people find their own groups in college, some maintain old relations and other don't.

There are certain things i need to do to be more confident in myself. Firstly, i need to get in shape - follow a healthy diet lifestyle and that also includes going to the gym or joining some sort of sport. And here is where i lose motivation after a week. I haven't gone to the gym consistently for more than 2 weeks in a row. I just can't find the motivation. The same with joining some sort of sports - i don't know how to take the first step. There are a few sports i'm interested in but i just can't seem to take the first step - getting there.

Secondly, I feel like i have no personality. Just empty inside. I feel like i am not the same person i was 5 years back. There were a few things that happened in between but nonetheless this is not how i was. This is just from reading old facebook messages and how i corresponded with friends/family.

so how can i keep myself motivated in what i've decided to do?

Merkin

I'm curious as to how you made a lot of enemies and you say the few friends you had turned into enemies. What happened for this to be the case?

Rubberchikken

there's a strong sense of 'down' in your post and if you thought a cat with a gp might help then making that appt sooner rather than later might kickstart the motivation to change some things in your life.

you've joined a gym before so why not start again and this time give yourself a goal, say last til christmas. posting here must mean you want to do something about these issues now and that's great.

what is your life like at the moment - work, college? is there time to fit in joining in something locally that interests you?

at some stage it's better to let the past go. the decisions you made in college are behind you. you're only 25, trust me that is young, and you have your life ahead of you. only you can decide to make the changes and stick with them

all the best

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

I'm curious as to how you made a lot of enemies and you say the few friends you had turned into enemies. What happened for this to be the case?

this was of my own wrong doing - doubting if they're lying about something, not giving them the benefit of the doubt, and being anti-social - saying no or making excuses in any opportunity to socialise. And its become too late to mend those relationships as they're not quite interested.

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

there's a strong sense of 'down' in your post and if you thought a cat with a gp might help then making that appt sooner rather than later might kickstart the motivation to change some things in your life.

you've joined a gym before so why not start again and this time give yourself a goal, say last til christmas. posting here must mean you want to do something about these issues now and that's great.

what is your life like at the moment - work, college? is there time to fit in joining in something locally that interests you?

at some stage it's better to let the past go. the decisions you made in college are behind you. you're only 25, trust me that is young, and you have your life ahead of you. only you can decide to make the changes and stick with them

all the best

Hi RC, thanks for your reply. I need to incorporating exercise into my daily routine. Something i just have to start now than leave it for some time later.

i agree the past is the past, cant change it or wish things were different but thanks for your advice

LegacyUser

OP I could have written the exact same thing, my situation is almost identical. I'm 26, 27 in a few weeks and I just feel horrendous about the whole thing, though no fault but my own. Not only have I never had a girlfriend or had sex, I've never even kissed a girl. I'm so low I really feel like I have no remediable qualities, like you said yourself I feel like I have no personality and feel like an empty shell, I rarely have anything meaningfully to add top conversations. I'm currently unemployed so I have a lot of time to dwell on these things. I'm currently in the process of seeking help, I looked for help before and it didn't exactly work out so I kind of decided to go it alone, now I'm in a even worse situation and I'm hanging on by a thread so its time to bite the bullet and try again. I guess I'm posting to let you know your not alone in your situation. What I would say is try give the gym another go, I only go a few days a week for an hour at the most but I do find it helps, its an excuse to get out of the house at the very least.