Child from divorced parents & their choices

Shewhomustbe...

Hi,

I hope I'm posting this in the right place, apologies if not.

Am I correct in thinking that there's an age when a child of divorced (or separated) parents is able to say whether they wish to see one of the parents, or maybe they'd like to live with the other one. For example, one of the parents has a new partner who behaves in a way that could be deemed emotionally/psychologically abusive to the child. The child would rather not be in this person's company & therefore does not want to spend time in their parent's house (new couple live together).

I've done searches but I can't find anything related to ages, I thought it may be early to mid teens.

Thanks.

Loveinapril

If there is an access arrangement in place through the courts the parent can ask for this to be reviewed as the child wishes to make their thoughts known. Any good judge should listen to a child of any age. Its best practice.

Peregrinus

There's no definite age at which the child's views suddenly become relevant or decisive. The weight attached to the child's views will depend on the age, maturity, etc of the child. Very young children who can't understand the issues facing them or who find it distressing to be asked to make choices about them will not have their views consulted.

Shewhomustbe...

Thank you Loveinapril and Peregrinus,

There is no court agreed access agreement, and the parent I know is concerned about a he said/she said situation, and that the other parent may be given custody. The child wishes to see the other parent, but it is their partner that is the problem. They are constantly verbally berating and intimidating the child, which to me constitutes verbal and psychological abuse. The child's parent - of this partner - does nothing to stop this behaviour, and last week this parent dumped a tonne of emotional blackmail on the child because they have been avoiding the house for the past few weeks; "even the dog is crying for you".

Having grown up in an abusive house I am seriously concerned for the long-term mental well-being of the child. I have suggested that the child only see their parent and on neutral ground, but after what they did last week I would think supervised visits would be necessary.

The child's parent, with whom they live, has concerns over going to court because they had mental health issues not long after the child was born, the child is eleven, and thinks this may be used against them.

brian_t

Shewhomustbe... wrote: »

I have suggested that the child only see their parent and on neutral ground, but after what they did last week I would think supervised visits would be necessary.

Your involvement might not be appreciated by the other parent.

Would this not be best left to professionals.

Edups

If there's abusive behavior then social services will need to be involved.

Shewhomustbe...

The professionals aren't involved. The parent I know doesn't want to involve them - due to thinking they'd lose custody - and the other parent clearly doesn't think their partner is doing anything wrong.

I don't know what to do because as I said, I'm seriously concerned for the mental/emotional well-being of the child.

Mrs OBumble

Shewhomustbe... wrote: »

I don't know what to do because as I said, I'm seriously concerned for the mental/emotional well-being of the child.

Some reading here for you: http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/services_and_supports_for_children/child_abuse.html


It boils down to whether you have more loyalty to your friend the parent, or concern for the welfare of the child. My advice would be to butt out yourself, and leave it to the professionals, but it's really your dime which way you see it.

Edups

This isn't about you. This isn't about the parents. This child is being abused you and the parent know this and if it's left ignored then I hope neither of them get custody.