Counselling at a crossroads

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm been posting here a few times in relation to my ongoing battle with depression and isolation.

I've been seeing a private counsellor for over a year now. Prior to this I've been in and out of state mental health services - mostly CBT and similar types of counselling for fixed numbers of sessions. This has been going on for approximately 15 years - although I would think the depression/isolation has been ongoing for 20+ years.

My current batch of sessions with the private counsellor have not been going well. I posted recently about this, but can't find the thread to link - nor can I find any of the previous threads. Sorry, I know this would have provided some additional context.

Before I start repeating what has been happening in these sessions I know that the current theme in all these sessions with all these different counsellors that I've had is me and that I need to make the changes. I fully understand this. I'm not doing that though.

My current counsellor has a one-dimentional approach. I've asked her at least twice about a change of approach in order to see if things can be progressed. However the first time she stated that it was her way of working, and that was essentially that! The second time I raised it was during this last week. She said that change was required and that it was me that needed to change.

My perspective on this is that I'm paying her a lot of money per session and it is her job to do her best to help me. To me it seems like she is 'cranking the handle'. You could nearly say there has been a breakdown in our relationship - which is not conducive to meeting the goal.

I don't feel like there has been much progress during my time with her. However, although the temptation is there to just walkaway from these sessions - I'm not sure that I want to. She seems to think that there is some type of 'bond' or something - I can't quite remember her terminology. However, my opinion is that it is habit and I go there with the similar hope of someone who buys a lottery ticket - you know the chances of winning are slim, but you are scared to stop buying in case next week is your big week.

Plus, I don't want to have to start all over again with a new counsellor. I've had too many of them.

I really don't know what to do. Due to my age now, many doors are closing for me - and many have already closed. It frustrates me that I went to seek help for this over 15 years ago and that nothing really has changed.

I'm not blaming them for my current predictament, but I just feel that what is the point of these people if they can't help get you back on the rails. There are people out there in worse situations than me - how do they get resolution? Why can't I? Am I that badly affected that I can't be helped?

I know I have to make the changes - but I can't. I'm constantly depressed - and probably have been in various levels of depression for most of those 20 years, although I can function welll on a professional and day-to-day basis in terms of routines etc.

I do have a medical condition which I was looking up recently and has depression as one of the symptoms. However my condition is well managed and all metrics are within tolerance. I intend to ask my specialist about this at my next appt in 6 months time.

I wonder should I go back to my GP and ask about meds again? I went back just under 1 year ago and was declined for them.

So the question is - do I stick with counselling or do I quit? I'm thinking about at least taking a break from her so see how things pan out.

Apologies for the length of this post. And also apologies to those who are fed up of me posting here. If you can think of a more suitable forum for me to use, please post and I will go there.


Thanks.

Merkin

I'm sorry OP but you've been given so many replies across the numerous threads you've started on this issue and ignored them. When a poster turns to PI habitually with the same issue and then ignores the advice given it is clear that your issues lie well beyond the scope of the forum. Consequently this thread simply can't be kept open. Wishing you well in your future endeavours and please speak to your counsellor candidly about this once and for all.