Is it normal to be 20 and never have been with someone.

LegacyUser

I'm a 20 year old guy, and I have never been with a girl. I have never kissed, let alone have sex with a girl. Is this common, or am I just weird. I have always been a shy person, that's only starting to stop now, all throughout my teens I never went out. It wasn't until I was 18 I started meeting up with friends, and it's only in the last year I have become more social. I have speech I impediment and I can feel my self that speaking correctly, but I can't stop it,

I go out a lot more now, play 5 a side every week, go to my mates for sessions, and to pubs. I started going to nightclubs during the summer and I even went to France for the euros. I'm not to best conversationalist anyway, but I never I know what to say to girls or how to chat them up. It's so annoying that I have never had a other half.

Ursus Horribilis

If I was you, I'd be far more worried avoid that speech impediment. Have you ever sought professional help for it? That's something that has the potential to hamper you not just personally but professionally.

On the kissing a girl thing, I'd not worry unduly. You're a late starter when it comes to socialising and it's great that you are blossoming in that department. Nightclubs aren't the only way to meet girls so I think you'd be better trying to meet them in other ways. Many people meet their other halves through their friends or through their hobbies. Have you ever had female friends? It sounds a bit like you've put women up on some sort of pedestal.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

It's of course unusual that you haven't kissed a girl at this stage but you really aren't the only one. I think many people exaggerate about their sex lives at that age. I am too 20 and I was led to believe that everyone was having regular sex and it really isn't the case. I've only found out recently that more of my friends are virgins than I thought.

It's great to see you coming out of your shell and making a social effort and to be honest, if you continue with that it won't be long before you pull a girl. It is bound to happen, don't worry. Would your friends ever try and set you up, yes it sounds a bit 'teenage disco 2012' but my friend was also in your exact same position and our friend got him together with a girl. It may not be romantic but it's a start!

Rubberchikken

it's not a race. so imo there is no one particular time to 'start'.
you sound like a guy who's gone from quiet teens to really putting in the effort social wise and that's great.
girls are like guys, humans who just want to connect with someone. every chance you get to chat to a girl, just chat about everyday things tv, films, news, interests. it'll get easier the more times it happens.

if you genuinely feel your speech is affecting you then chat with your gp about it, but sometimes when we're self conscious we focus in on the one thing we feel makes us uncomfortable. maybe it's not that obvious to others.
good luck

OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE

I was 22.

Happens when it happens.

Das Reich

Don't waste you time, you should not be affraid of women <mod snip - breach of charter >

Wanderer2010

Jesus all these people saying the OP is a late starter or its unusual not to be with someone by 20, let me guess- when ye were 20 ye had travelled the world and had women hanging off ye?

OP, I wasn't at all comfortable in my skin until I was 30 and then I started to develop confidence and from that great things can develop. Don't rush it, you already have a completely normal life for your age and you go out a lot, play sports etc. Don't fret about being normal, trust me you are, maybe a tad shy. Work on your impediment if you can and that will increase your confidence and from that girls (and guys) will flock to you. Best of luck"!

LegacyUser

@wanderer2010

Have you been to a nightclub recently... 60% of people probably pull someone. I of coures don't think there is anything wrong with him not kissing anyone, but at 20 that is an unusual thing.

Wanderer2010

I didnt kiss anyone until i was 27 and i dont feel unusual, i think you may be imposing standards on him that dont really exist. Im in my 30s now so too old for night clubs but that scene is not for everyone and a lot of peer pressure does exist. There are lots of other ways to meet girls like Meetup sports clubs societies or even a nice pub, i wouldnt take too much from nightclub stats and by your own admission thats 40% of people who dont score!

retro:electro

Okay so say you go out to a nightclub tonight and kiss ten girls, then what? The issues you have with your self confidence will still exist. I suggest you work on those first and everything else will fall into place. Everyone does things at different stages in life, don't get to bogged down by what you should be doing or should have achieved by now.

Fozzydog3

Well I was 22 when I met my first and current girlfriend before that I thought I must've had a big V branded on my forehead, but after meeting her none of my past experiences (or lack thereof) mattered and I couldnt be happier.

So what Id say is don't attach your sexual exploits to your sense of self worth, try work on being comfortable in yourself it can be hard but just takes time and effort.

mapaca

No, it doesn't make you "weird" just because you haven't kissed anyone yet. Everyone's love life is different and proceeds at a different pace. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to get past your shyness, fair play to you!
Keep at it, build up your confidence one step at a time.

L.Jenkins

OP, I remember feeling your pain at that age. I felt miserable about how I didn't have a girlfriend. It's not weird that you've not had sex or kissed anyone. I had one or two brief flings by the age of 27. I had already consigned myself to the fact that I might not meet anyone, so I relaxed, put it to the back of my mind, and went out to make friends instead. I then met my now, wife at the age of 27 and I'm going on 32 and 2 years married.

I know it's way easier said than done, but learn to relax and put it to the back of your mind. Expand your social circle, make friends, enjoy the single life, travel, get an education, get a job and have fun in general. You will meet someone eventually and it won't be forced.

SarahMollie

OP, I know plenty of late bloomers who are now in successful relationships, so in the long run it means precisely nothing.

As a few others have said, you should address the speech impediment because it's likely impacting on your confidence, and in this day and age theres no reason to live with an issue like that untreated. If you're in college, theres likely a campus GP you can go to free of charge.

The only thing that worries me when I read posts like this is when people come on who have truly no social iterations, but that doesn't seem to be the case wtih you. Keep playing football wtih your mates, keep going to clubs, in fact, keep doing as many new things as possible to broaden your social circle. The rest will follow.

Regarding your speech impediment - I would personally say that it might be a good idea to visit a speech therapist and work on this. It works. I had a really bad one for a large part of my childhood and early teens - now, after intense therapy, it is absolutely unnoticeable and most people I tell are shocked.

Regarding the other issue - don't worry. It'll happen when it happens.

People are not having sex anywhere as much as you think they are.