Feeling sad that I got no birthday card from boyfriend

laurey

I am living with my boyfriend and our baby son for the last few months. It was my birthday the other day and while my boyfriend brought me to get me a present, he didn't write me a card. Initially he forgot my birthday but remembered in the afternoon when my sister called to wish me a happy birthday. I am grateful that he made an effort but I told him in the past that I was upset that he never wrote me a card so far. He knows cards mean a lot to me yet didn't bother. Am I being silly or should I mention it to him? I don't want to create an argument over it

uck51js9zml2yt

Personally I think you're over reacting for a card that will probably be in the bin in a few days.

I don't get cards and have made my feelings that they are a waste of money plain. Its nice to find a card from my wife/kids on my pillow but if it wasnt there I wouldnt loose any sleep over it.

woodchuck

I get where you're coming from. We can argue all we want on here about whether or not cards are important, but they're important to you and your boyfriend knows that (or should know that). But to be honest it would bother me more that he essentially forgot your birthday And then brought you to get a present? So he didn't actually try to pick something himself? It's the lack of effort/thought that would really bother me. I hope he's not like that in other aspects of your relationship.

I'm not sure if there is any point bringing it up now, but in the run up to the next occassion I'd say something. It doesn't have to be a big serious talk or anything, but something along the lines of "So you know my birthday/Christmas/anniversary is coming up. Just so you know I don't want any big/expensive present, but I would really like a card."

December2012

Can you raise it without causing an argument?

Say it in a way that says "I don't know if you know, but I really love cards from you. I know not everybody does, but I do. My present is lovely, thank you so much. Do you think you could include a card next year please? I would love be to keep a handwritten note from you".

Ursus Horribilis

I've read this a couple of times and I'm trying to work out what's going on here. My initial reaction was to say that you are over-reacting a bit and that some people aren't so good at remembering dates or are into cards. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but is there something more going on here?

For starters, why should it cause an argument?
In general, what's your relationship like? Are you long together? I get the impression from the way you phrased your opening line that you only moved in together when you were a few months into the pregnancy. Was the baby planned? Is he a good dad? Does he treat you well? Does he pull his weight about the house? It sounds a bit casual or something. I can't quite put my finger on it .

Citygirl1

Hi Laurey - you've just reminded me of my parents.

My Father was a very generous man, but after 20 or more years of marriage he would mostly mark birthdays and Christmas by giving my Mum a (generous) cash gift. This was absolutely fine, as she wouldn't be the easiest to buy for, and he knew she would spend the money better herself.

However, apparently it started to upset my Mum that often didn't think of getting a card, simply because he didn't see the value in them. However my Mum, I learned, really likes cards.

So, my Mum said it to him, and for every occasion after that it became really important to him to find a nice card for her. In fact, one of my memories of his last Christmas alive was myself and my brother taking him to the shopping centre on Christmas Eve, and helping him to pick out a card- He had a grade four brain tumour, and was very unwell, but this was an important task!

So, moral of story, if it's important to you, just let your boyfriend know nicely but clearly. Certainly no need for a row. Not everyone will understand the small things others value, without getting a hint.

Addle

I can never understand people who wait for something to not happen, especially marking birthdays and anniversaries.

Why didn't it come up before the day?
Why didn't you mention it/remind him?
By not doing so, you set yourself up for disappointment.

The Young Wan

I think you might be over reacting. Some people just aren't card people. I, for example, am not a card person but I do buy presents. He did get you a present as well so it's not like he forgot about you completely.

clairewithani

If the poster told her boyfriend cards matter and he didn't buy one she has a reason to be hurt. If he forgot something was important to her then I see where she is coming from.

Ursus Horribilis

It's possible he thought he'd done his bit once he'd brought her to get the birthday card. But I'd be a little bit concerned over how he forgot her birthday. I'd need to know more about their relationship though. It could be a genuine mistake or it could be a symptom of something bigger. I looked at the OP's posting history and get the impression that she's still very young, her boyfriend is Brazilian (looking for a visa) and that she was living at home after the baby was born. It could mean something or it could mean nothing.

Merkin

Addle wrote: »

I can never understand people who wait for something to not happen, especially marking birthdays and anniversaries.

Why didn't it come up before the day?
Why didn't you mention it/remind him?
By not doing so, you set yourself up for disappointment.

I completely agree. Why sit there seething with resentment, waiting to see who remembers and who doesn't? I LOVE birthdays and if I'm having drinks or celebrating I usually tell people a week or so beforehand because I'm normally so SO excited. I don't sit there waiting for people to potentially forget, then feel rubbish and end up throwing myself a pity party. Why would anyone do that?

You say in your OP that you don't want to create an argument but I think that you are by omission TBH. If a birthday card is important to you them tell your BF a week in advance that's it's your birthday and how precious a card would be to you. Everyone is happy then rather than setting yourself up for disappointment and making him feel like a bad person.

JustAThought

O, I'm so sorry to hear this, it is such a small thing but it is also important to you . People can be such unthinking idiots , particularly if it dosn't have a great significance to them as soething they want or like to get themselves.

I would +1 about him having already been told, and then not just forgetting the card but also the present and the whole day :0 But, he did immediately bring you out to but whatever you wanted ( not the gesture of an unkind ot mean man) and maybe he thought he had done right by you then. i would +1 the suggestions if other posters about what to say before your birthday next year. i would also use this before this Christmas too - just in case!

With a new baby/visa issues/ job/work/student pressures there may be a lot going onnand he genuinely forgot. i have been guilty of that regretably too often for people I DO really care about - people make mistakes - is he a phone person - maybe tell him laughingly fo put an repeat calender event in his phone for a week before every year so it will never happen again. I would just die if my OH forgot my birthday - particularly if we haD a new chold and were just starting off together - set the tone nice but don't allow it to happen every year - you bkth have lots going on but your love & need to see he shows that small things thAt really matter to you matter to
Him too are also really important in a kind nurturing relationship . After all - its only 3 or 4 times a year - Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day,Anniversary!!! Start as you intend to continue !

( happy birthday OP) xx

Lux23

I always forget about cards, think they are a waste of money and paper.