Girls pursuing lads?

LegacyUser

Just a quick question to the lads out there.

How do you feel about girls pursuing you? A lad asked me out on a date, and it went well. We are friends but not close at all. I like him and I want things to go further, but I don't feel like it will go any further if I don't pursue. We are at the point where we have both made an equal effort regarding messaging etc. but I don't want to come on too strong. Do boys find it unattractive if a girl tries to message them and make a strong effort?

leggo

Nothing wrong with a girl putting a bit of a chase in at all, in fact when I'm seeing someone I need to feel like they're chasing me a bit too so I bother myself.

But there's a line, with every relationship regardless of gender, and that's if you feel like it'd fall apart if you didn't text first or make all the moves, the other person is probably not that into you and you're better off pursuing someone who is. Put it to the rest with people and see, save yourself the long-term heartbreak by finding out these things early and you'll know then when you've got a keeper.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. I wouldn't say we are seeing each other or anything. He asked me on one date and I don't get the impression he is as interested as I would want him to be. I think my real question is should I leave it be or give it one last try and send a message but I guess it's a decision I'll have to make by myself.

njs030

Well just ask him and then you'll know!

LegacyUser

easier said than done! A fair point all the same

osarusan

Just ask him out, for a drink or something.

Don't leave yourself wondering whether or not he would have said yes if you had asked him.

tupenny

Easier not to play the games and say it as it is I think.
In my experience, if he likes you its not going to be off putting.. and if the response isn't what you hoped, well at least you know and can write him off and move on

tara73

lonelygirl247 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I wouldn't say we are seeing each other or anything. He asked me on one date and I don't get the impression he is as interested as I would want him to be. I think my real question is should I leave it be or give it one last try and send a message but I guess it's a decision I'll have to make by myself.

but he asked you on a date! he might be just waiting for a reaction from you now.

but surely only you know what's going on, if your gut feeling is telling you he is not that interested, it's probably right.
but nevertheless, I would contact him if you like him that much. what is there to loose? worst case is he doesn't reply but then you have a definite 'answer'.

Carlos Orange

Most guys have relatively poorly developed telepathy skills. If you want to get to know him better then let him know.

BetsyEllen

Regarding the date you went on, was there a kiss at the end, was he flirty, did he mention anything about seeing you again?

Just wondering how it was left...

LegacyUser

yes to kiss, yes to flirty and yes to seeing me again!! Hence I am confused

BetsyEllen

lonelygirl247 wrote: »

yes to kiss, yes to flirty and yes to seeing me again!! Hence I am confused

I'd ask him out then.
Could be that he's waiting for you to make the next move.

Mr. Incognito

He made his move,

He is waiting for you to reciprocate.

I think a text along the lines of "I really enjoyed our date, when are you going to ask me out again? X" Will suffice.

MeatTwoVeg

Mr. Incognito wrote:

I think a text along the lines of "I really enjoyed our date, when are you going to ask me out again? X" Will suffice.

That sounds so passive.
Why can't she ask him out?
I'd find that kind of assertiveness a far more attractive trait than a passive aggressive text.

njs030

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

He made his move,

He is waiting for you to reciprocate.

I think a text along the lines of "I really enjoyed our date, when are you going to ask me out again? X" Will suffice.

Why? If you want to go out with him again op just ask him. Sitting around waiting won't get you very far!

leggo

Personally, even as a guy I'd find this attractive/acceptable for a girl to do and wouldn't be put off, if he's said yes to a second date I'd go along the lines of assuming that was in stone and being "So I was thinking about doing (this) at (this day and time), what do you think?" Nothing wrong with that and given all you've said you'll probably get a positive response. And if not, for some reason, then at least you know. I think this is all overthinking tbh.

Lux23

lonelygirl247 wrote: »

yes to kiss, yes to flirty and yes to seeing me again!! Hence I am confused

It's your turn to ask him out in my humble opinion.

LegacyUser

Go for it - I always find it very difficult to read whether or not somone is genuinely interested after a date. I dont see anything wrong with the woman making the move at all - its a good thing! Best of luck!

Calypso Realm

lonelygirl247 wrote: »

yes to kiss, yes to flirty and yes to seeing me again!! Hence I am confused

How long since date? In my experience guys who ARE interested tend to lock you down fast by planning the next date at end of first one. This guy sounds lukewarm to me. Either that or he senses you're not that bothered.