Partners Past and Age Gap

Zipp101

I am having trouble dealing with certain parts of my girlfriends past.
Firstly I should say that there is an age difference, I am 23 and she is 30 years old. We have been going out for a year, have a good relationship and the age gap has not been too much of an issue.
I recently became aware that my girlfriend had a relationship with a man 20 years older than her when she was 24.
At the start of the relationship she mentioned having a relationship with an older man but I did a bit of research and he is a quite well known Dutch film director.
She has travelled all over Europe with him to film festivals etc.
Half of me wants to talk about with her, and talk about it normally. I mean it must have been a crazy time for her.
Definitely another part of me is a bit confused with the whole thing. It's like I'e discovered a part of my girlfriend that I didn't want to discover.
I am bewildered that a girl would go from dating a 42 year old film director to a 24 year old relatively normal guy like myself.
Should I breach the subject with her to try and get a better picture or just try and forget about it ?

Timberrrrrrrr

Forget about it and move on.

No offense but I can never understand peoples obsessions when it comes to their partners pasts (FYI I'm not saying you're obsessed).

What are you hope to find out? What would you ask her?

Honestly, just leave it be, he is her ex for a reason , she is with you for a reason .

ManOfMystery

Zipp101 wrote: »

I am having trouble dealing with certain parts of my girlfriends past.
Firstly I should say that there is an age difference, I am 23 and she is 30 years old. We have been going out for a year, have a good relationship and the age gap has not been too much of an issue.
I recently became aware that my girlfriend had a relationship with a man 20 years older than her when she was 24.
At the start of the relationship she mentioned having a relationship with an older man but I did a bit of research and he is a quite well known Dutch film director.
She has travelled all over Europe with him to film festivals etc.
Half of me wants to talk about with her, and talk about it normally. I mean it must have been a crazy time for her.
Definitely another part of me is a bit confused with the whole thing. It's like I'e discovered a part of my girlfriend that I didn't want to discover.
I am bewildered that a girl would go from dating a 42 year old film director to a 24 year old relatively normal guy like myself.
Should I breach the subject with her to try and get a better picture or just try and forget about it ?

Why? What purpose will it serve? What do you expect her to say - he kidnapped her?

She met him, must have found him attractive/interesting enough to date, then it fizzled out. The age/career thing is irrelevant really. I just don't see why you're having any kind of mental roadblock over the 24/42yr thing - do you expect her to have a 'type' she goes for, and it should always be a younger guy like yourself? Maybe your partner is just open to different people and different characteristics which attract her.

baby and crumble

To be fair, I can see how it could be intimidating to find out your partners ex is a famous, successful person, in particular when you might be feeling like you're "just starting out" in life.

But like others have said, she's not with him now, is she? They split for a reason. That reason mightn't be any of your business, but the fact is, she is with you now, and you are with her. You're both equals in this relationship.

If nothing else, it highlights that she chooses to be with people she likes, rather than who she is "supposed" to be attracted to (i.e. someone her own age).

Ursus Horribilis

This is the girlfriend you've posted about repeatedly on boards, right? I don't know what it is you're looking for from us. It's obvious that this relationship is making you very insecure and you don't trust her. For your own good, perhaps it's time to end this and find someone whose past and present won't eat you up.

Bandana boy

What exactly is the problem you are having ?
Is it that she is more experienced , maybe has a wilder past than you ?

I think you need to put into words what exactly is causing you concern and then you can start to address the issue.

Personally every girl I had a relationship could not have been more different from the previous girl and it meant nothing other than I obviously do not have a type.

Big Bag of Chips

I think if you're asking out of a curious , interested, would love to hear about her adventures type of way, then why not ask. If it was a friend you'd ask and love to hear the stories. Of course people should be able to talk to their partners about their past. Why wouldn't they? Their life didn't start with you and if you talk about things like childhood, school, college, summer holidays as a child why would you ignore a portion of their life just because they were with someone else at the time.

On the other hand if you're asking because you're insecure, jealous and feeling inferior then best not to go there, I think.

Zipp101

This is your third post (that I know of) this year about this woman and her exes, why are you torturing yourself?

In fact, this woman has such an interesting history (a Dutch director, an Irish guy, a Spanish guy, whichever one wrote the book about her) I'm starting to get a whiff of Walter Mitty from the whole situation. Have you even broached the subject of your last post with her yet?

But on the off chance that this is all real, her exes are clearly important to her and will remain a part of her life so you either need to be on board with that or separate from her.

Personally, I think you've summed the situation up already.

Zipp101 wrote: »

Like many people I don't have any contact with my exes but my current gf is the opposite.

My girlfriend is a friendly girl and would chat to anybody and tells me her past relationships are important to her which I respect. But I'm really not comfortable with it all.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=100733808&postcount=1

Lux23

I think it is pretty cool that a well-travelled woman wants to be be with you OP, you must be a great guy.

Taltos

Mod Note
OP as others have called out this is not the first thread from you on this relationship, it's not even the 2nd or 3rd this year alone.
We're going to let it run for a little bit but we will be closing it shortly and at that point will ask you not to start any more threads on this here as at this point the advice is becoming circular and either you learn to work on your insecurities or not, the posters here are really at the limit of what they can offer you.