Porn use in relationships...

NearlyForty

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it really does differ between each person or relationship circumstances etc.. so I hope I'm not contradicting myself when I ask this.. but is porn use perfectly normal while in a relationship? What's perceived as normal or excessive use? Where I'm coming from with this is I've noticed my partner (male) of 2 years, watching porn quite regularly.. He would have admitted it before but in recent months, particularly since we moved in together, he'd deny use even though I'd see it in our shared iPad. He's closing down the pages now but I'm still finding it in the history!! I do believe he won't admit to it these days so as not to upset me, as it clearly does. There's nothing wrong with our sex life, in fact it's been much better in recent times, which confuses me even more! So what constitutes normal porn use or a sign that something is wrong?? Thanks in advance

Old Perry

NearlyForty wrote: »

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So what constitutes normal porn use or a sign that something is wrong?? Thanks in advance

Abnormal usage would be to the point where it counteracts his daily life and well being ( relationships being part of that).

Everyone is entitled to there opinion, this is where the crux of ur issue lies, if it does not objectively negatively affect his life and well being then it really comes down to whether you can be comfortable with it, and your opinion of it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable maybe he can offer some reassurance?

Penny Tration

To me, I'd consider porn fairly normal to look at even while in a relationship (I'm female). I assume my partner watches it and I don't care really.

The point where it becomes a problem is when either partner is choosing porn over sex, or their sex drive is decreasing. Basically anything that negatively impacts the relationship.


That said, if you're uncomfortable with it, you're uncomfortable with it. Ultimately it's a fantasy and it doesn't mean your partner wants THOSE women, but talk to him if you're uncomfortable. Ask him to at least delete the browser history of use incognito mode, but stop searching the history too because what you're finding is upsetting you.


If him hiding all browser history doesn't help your comfort levels, you could try watching some with him?


Ultimately though, if you can't get past the discomfort in the end, it's basically a choice of accepting it while it's causing no issues sexually in your relationship, or walking away if he won't stop watching it.

If porn isn't affecting your relationship (it doesn't seem to be) and isn't affecting your sex life (it isn't, according to you), then there is absolutely nothing wrong with him watching it.

He probably is hiding the history, closing tabs, etc., it's because he feels guilty about doing it (which he shouldn't). Talk to him about it. Explain how you feel. But remember that he isn't doing anything wrong. If it were affecting your relationship/love life, then it would be a different story.

NearlyForty

Thanks so much for all your replies. The more I think about it the more I see I was over reacting. I had been taking it personal, and wasn't sure what to think
I'll def have a chat with him..!

littlemouse22

Most people watch porn wether it be male or female. Men more so than women... As long as there is still intimacy in the relationship I wouldn't be too worried.

Naturally men would try to hide it especially if your so against him watching it? But they do see a guilt in it. The reality is there is no guilt in it. You could love someone with all your heart but its in our nature to look and be curious.


Also why do you feel the need to check his Internet history? Has he done something before to make you check up on him?

littlemouse22

Most people watch porn wether it be male or female. Men more so than women... As long as there is still intimacy in the relationship I wouldn't be too worried.

Naturally men would try to hide it especially if your so against him watching it? But they do see a guilt in it. The reality is there is no guilt in it. You could love someone with all your heart but its in our nature to look and be curious.


Also why do you feel the need to check his Internet history? Has he done something before to make you check up on him?