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Give up or fight?

  • 31-10-2016 6:17pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi Guys,

    My girlfriend of almost two years told me last week that she wanted to breakup with me. I was very much in love with her and obviously devastated. We have been arguing a bit I admit but I didn't think it would come to this. I'm 28 and she was my first ever girlfriend.

    Her reasons for breaking up with me is that she feels she no longer wants to be in a relationship. She has always had serious self esteem and body image issues for which I have tried to be supportive. She wants to overcome her body issues on her own and I have told her I would support her through this bad time but she was having none of it. She also says that she feels numb inside and feels nothing for me or anyone else.

    Should I just accept its over and move on? Or should I give her some time alone before attempting to reconcile with her even if that seems unlikely.

    Appreciate any responses


Comments

  • #2
    Dr Crayfish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭Dr Crayfish


    Not a lot you can do. I know it all seems unfair, but still you have to leave her alone. You're not going to change her mind no matter what you do or say. So stop all contact now if you haven't already and in time you'll feel better.


  • #3
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    I'm always amazed at people asking what they should do when their partner has broken up with them. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she has made her decision; you just have to accept and respect that.


  • #4
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,339 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Let her go , she might have a change of heart and come back but less likely if you are badgering her , refusing to accept her decision.


  • #5
    Dr Crayfish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭Dr Crayfish


    woodchuck wrote: »
    I'm always amazed at people asking what they should do when their partner has broken up with them. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she has made her decision; you just have to accept and respect that.

    Easier said than done when your relationship is suddenly over. He probably didn't see it coming so it can take a while to accept reality.


  • #6
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Dr Crayfish wrote: »
    Easier said than done when your relationship is suddenly over. He probably didn't see it coming so it can take a while to accept reality.

    I've been there. It sucks, but what can you do other than try to retain a little dignity and not beg for a second chance. If the other person has expressed doubts and is willing to work on the relationship, that's a different story. But if one person says definitively that they want out, the relationship is already over. No point in flogging a dead horse.


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  • #7
    zcorpian88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,515 ✭✭✭zcorpian88


    Have kind of been there myself with a woman with self esteem and body issues, I ended the relationship for multiple reasons and it killed me to do it.

    You could say one of the smaller reasons behind me ending it was her having depression and anxiety and was a workaholic to add to the list, she wasn't paying much attention to the relationship and I got frustrated with it all when it accumulated over the final months.

    See OP, when a woman has self esteem and body issues, it really can take hold of them, it's such a personal thing to them, means more to them than it would a man, because there is a lot of pressure from society for women to look a certain way and if they have say depression also it causes all kinds of problems in a relationship and the other person can become sort of a crutch until they end up pushing the other person away which I know is really sad and even frustrating. I tried to help my own ex with her problems but a lot of the time I was getting pushed away and any time I tried to perk her up, make her feel important and valued but she would shoot down any positive thing I do to help her. It got very exhausting after a while.

    I know it sucks OP, you probably didn't see it coming and you're probably devastated but I think you'd have ended up in a similar situation as to myself where you're constantly trying to hold her up and be the good supportive boyfriend, and it's very admirable, but when a person can't be picked up, it takes it's toll on the other person, and it'll end up where you can't get what you need out of the relationship and it's all give on your end and you'll end up getting frustrated, even resentful over it because you would eventually feel like you bend over backwards and there might come a day where you need her to support you in a tough situation or you need her for something or other that is important to you and she won't be as there for you, that's when it gets to a boiling point.

    Best thing to do OP is give her some space, the ball is in her court, she dumped you out of nowhere, you done nothing wrong, this is her issue, if she wants to reconcile, she can pick up the phone.

    Best of luck OP, chin up


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