Confused about ex

Jrss

Hey guys I could really use your advice. I'll start from the start. Myself and my partner broke up in 2014 after having 3 children together.. the youngest at the time was 5 months and the oldest was 2 anyway we broke up as things werent good between us and I felt as if I had been left to do everything by myself, things in general just went downhill but we remained clise friends for the kids and even talked about getting back together.. well 2 weeks ago.he told me he was seeing someone and I was devastated a few days later he asked if we could give things another go so we got back together.. 2 days later he text me saying things weren't working and I couldnt understand why as it had only been 2 days.. the other day he text me about the kids and because I didnt text back quick enough as I was busy with the kids he sent a text saying " I can be horrrible to im seeing someone now and going on a date" to say this crushed me would be an understatement but I didnt let him now that. He called down the day after to see the kids and told me he made it up and that he is just texting someone and he always wants to be here for me and be my friend .. I dont know what he is trying to do is he messing with my head.. he has rang to talk to the kids but thats about it. I dont know how I feel and I cant stop thinkin about all of this. I suffer terrible with anxiety and he knows this I take medication for it.. I have asked him not to tell me if he has been seein someone but he jus does.. I cant just shut him out as he is the father of my kids but I dont think he is good for my health.. any advice would be appreciated. Thank you x

Jamaican Me Crazy

He is being a head wrecker so you need to take back control here.

Agree days & times for him to see / take the kids. Have him collect and drop from a neutral location (your mams or whatever). If the relationship is over he can't keep swanning in and out of your house. You need to get things formalised for your own sake and the little ones.

If he texts you anything of a personal nature (going on dates etc) do not answer it. He is trying to make you jealous. If there is hope for the relationship then go to counselling together, don't just decide to get back together and all is forgiven. You need to show that commitment and do the work and see what happens.

Do your crying behind closed doors (ie not in front of him) - best advice I ever got. I always appeared cool and calm in front of my ex in the weeks following our split and once he left with the child I spent many hours raging or crying but never in front of him and it does get better with time.

Jrss

Thanks so much.. im defo gonna take your advice my head is wrecked to the extent that I think im goin crazy. Thank you x

Airyfairy12

Like the last poster said, never let him see you cry or see that his behaviour affects you. All he's doing is trying to feed his own ego by emotionally tormenting you. He doesnt want to be with you but he wants you to want him. Its twisted mind games that allot of men play as a way of gaining control over a person to make themselves feel good. He likes knowing he can pick you up and drop you if and when he feels like it. The mind games will go on until he gets bored and fecks off completely and you'll be the one left hurt and kicking yourself.
Take back control. Dont respond to his messages unless theyre about the kids, only answer the phone to him to let him speak to the kids, dont let him in the house. For awhile he'll try and worm his way back in, he'll tell you he loves you and wants to make it work but its only so he can get his ego stroked and he'll back to playing head games as soon as you get comfortable. Trust me they never change. Anyone that takes pleasure or satisfaction from hurting, manipulating and trying to control another person, never mind the mother of their children has serious problems and is morally bankrupt. He enjoys hurting you, it makes him feel good about himself, shows how small of a man he really is and you should be seriously questioning yourself and why you want him in your life (besides the kids). You cant change his behaviour, you can only change your own so stop letting him play head games with you.

Fridge

Sounds like he's very aware of how he can upset you. He knows you're vulnerable and hurts you anyway. I hope he doesn't get like that with your kids. Just don't react when he does this. Don't ask him not to tell you stuff, just stop reacting.

Jrss

Thanks so much guys have stopped reacting and I feel alot better now xxx

Estrellita

Close down the avenue of getting back with him. If things go pear shaped with his current fling he will be back on your doorstep to fill the gap to the next one. Don't allow him to use you, or manipulate you like this.

If he starts telling you he's with someone new, tell him you dont care or want to know. Tell him you only want communication about your children, that's it. Telling you he wants to stay friends is to keep you warmed up should the next one fall through. End his reign of power now, and shut him down.

Jrss

Jrss wrote: »

2 weeks ago.he told me he was seeing someone and I was devastated

a few days later he asked if we could give things another go so we got back together

2 days later he text me saying things weren't working and I couldnt understand why as it had only been 2 days

the other day he text me about the kids and because I didnt text back quick enough as I was busy with the kids he sent a text saying " I can be horrrible to im seeing someone now and going on a date"

He called down the day after to see the kids and told me he made it up and that he is just texting someone and he always wants to be here for me and be my friend

I agree with everything Jamaican Me Crazy says, you need to manage your relationship with him and take back control.

And the first step to doing this is to accept that you are not getting back together. You split up because he left you to do everything yourself and now, it seems to me, that he wants to have his cake and eat it ... the family on one side and his "dates" on the other.

Well he can have his kids but he can't have you. Remember this.