Brother in law gone off the rails

Jusleejam

Hello there
As the title says my brother in law (22) has gone off the rails and we dont know what to do.
Let me start from the beginning.
He is a youngest boy with 3 older sisters. He is quite good at sport and from an early age always got everything done for him. When in early teens he was bullied in school and became very quiet n went into himself. He never made any effort socially only tru the gaa. He got a good leaving cert n went to college. The other big interest he has is farming again socially alone.
When he went to college he was commuting for the first year as didnt want to stay in dublin.
In second year he started going out and stayed in digs but was drinking to excess for confidence...
He never was wit a girl and when was to meet up wit one some nite got very drunk n messed it up.
He has had a bad injury this yr in the hurling n so missed the whole season. He was late going back to collage because of this. He went up two wks ago n has not gone to lectures at all just went drinking...
Last week it went up a level when he took cocaine. He went out last nite with few lads and when came home started drinkin vodka straight alone in the room....

All the family are up the wall to know what to do..by telling one of his sisters al this it can only b a cry for help..but where do we go for this?
Any advice is appreciated..sorry for such an essay

Mods if this is the wrong forum can u advise me where to put it.thanks

Fakediamond

I would say start with the drinking/drug use, but only if he sees it as a problem and wants to do something about it, otherwise the family does all the work and he doesn't follow through. He probably needs to go to residential treatment, that's where I would start making enquiries. He needs your support now, it sounds like things are getting out of control very quickly. College probably needs to take second place for now.

leggo

First off, he's young and, as much as we all look back on it with rose-tinted glasses at times, being young can be hard. At 22 you're at that awkward stage where you're supposed to stand on your own two feet but have no experience in doing so, and often no idea what you want to do or how to do it. So the feelings are completely natural and it's important he knows that and takes the pressure off himself. Perhaps some of that pressure is unwittingly coming from family itself, I don't know, that's a judgement call from you guys but don't rule it out.

The drinking and drug use is obviously the worry. Where did he get the coke? Is he hanging around with people who that's normal for? It's entirely possible he has a problem, even at that age, I had a problem drinking at just 20. You've no idea how to control it or even a concept that you should control it. It's a good sign he's talking about it, though, and he obviously wants to be helped if that's the case. So be sure to reassure him that there's no pressure on him while also giving him whatever support he needs, letting him lead the way in that regard so that he goes along with it, you just need to create a safe, non-judgemental space for him to figure it out with your support. And thankfully you seem to be a close family who can give him that, I'm sure he'll be fine.