lonely life :(

LegacyUser

This could be an essay with my life story behind it but I will try and summarise as much as possible.

At 18 and still in my final year of school I was forced out of my family home and essentially made homeless. I stayed with an aunt for a while (on a bed in her diningroom) and had a two hour commute to school. I then lived with gran who was right behind my school but she lived alonr for so long and was so set her in ways that nothing I could do was right or good enough (i cleaned regularly and did grocery shopping and cooked etc)

In my secondary school years I had a good solid group of friends who I thought would be lifelong ones. Turns out I was wrong. After me missing so much school in my final year due to illness and everything going on at home..it seemed like they just didn't want to know me. Once summer arrived I never heard from any of them again.
I did however meet a guy who I was then with for 6 years. We had a child together but unfortunately it wasnt meant to be. We split up (resonably amicably) and he has had huge input in his childs life and by all accounts a wonderful father.

So I moved on and got into a very very destructive relationship for a number of years (domest violence, cheating, emotional abuse and controlling behaviour). I thankfully got away from him and loe and behold 3 months later I met than man who is now my fiancé He's wonderful with my first child and we since had another together and is equally wonderful. Hes supportive, kind, caring and a genuinely nice person. I love him dearly.

My eldest has special needs. This over the years of being a single mammy led to the few friends I had losing nterest altgoether. I wasn't always able to go on nights out they had invited me to (because I had no sitter, we couldnt have anyone else take care of.him) but I always wanted to see them and catch up as much as possible. . You slowly get more and more pushed asided and thats that. Iwas never a girl with a huge group of friends and that was fine for me.

Until I fast forward now, counting my hubby to be I my fiancé and one other friend who I initiated contact with after 3 years of us not talking. She's great and I get out with her as much as I can. However she will talk about going to gigs and shows with the girls im work or other friendw she has theyre doing xyz. I would never be asked along which kinda hurts ai guess?

I had to close the door on one very long term friendship last year as I was essentially used a a door mat with a banck account a car to drive her around in. The other friendship I endef after 3 years as she consistently let me down. On birthdays didnt turn up, made excuses about having no noney but then goes on dates etc. She was a very angry toxic person also who felt the whole world were against her.

So now thats it. Im a stay at home mom. I had to to givw up my chance at my dream career because when my son was diagnosed I was the only one who could care for him at home. I made a few really good friends in that time (two particularly). One of whom I try keep the contact going and keep saying we must meet for coffee soon, let me know when suits etc it never happens.

My wedding is coming up. I have my one friend as bridesmaid and my two younger siblings also. It looks like I wont get a hen party, as I dont actually have people to invite it just gets incredibly lonely at times. My fiance is great but its nice to have friends of your own and feel supported. My fiancé has a lot of long time friends since childhood and also people he has met along the way through life and travels.

Ive joined meeetup but havent had the courage to go . I get told all the time how approachable and friendly and confident I come across when literally I am dying inside with the anxiety.

Im a 30 something, 1 fiancé ' 1 friend, and 1 dog. I guess I sound ungreatful and I should be happy with my lot.

They're wonderful, I guess I just need more for my life. I cried this evening for what felt like the millionth time this week.

Xterminator

HI OP

Sorry to hear your feeling down. Here is the thing. You are comparing your life to a template that is in your head.

Objectively you have found your life partner and your getting married. (scan a few other threads on this board and you will see thats a fortunate situation). you have a child - i assume he brings a lot of meaning to your life (along with the challenges? And you have a friend you can rely on.

Having been virtually homeless at one stage - can you take time to remind yourself what you have got? Take 5 minutes a day to count your blessings.

now from your post i am guessing its the giving up of your career that has been a sacrifice, and your feeling a bit isolated?
Can i suggest you look at starting your own business working from home? Without knowing how many hours you could devote to that, being your own boss might allow you to develop that part of you that is unfulfilled while being able to set your own hours etc & work from your home.

X

Airyfairy12

I see posts on here all the time from people stressing about having no friends or social life, youre certainly not alone. You say you havnt got the courage to go to a meetup event and thats completely understandable but theyre more than likely people in similar situations to yourself who are genuinely looking to make good meaningful friendships so it could be worth a try, look up girlcrew on facebook too, groups of women meet up for coffee, cinema dates ect.
You dont have to put off your dream career, it just wont happen as soon as youd like, if you start working in the job you want at 45 you'll be doing it for 20 years before you reach retirement age so its never too late and you still have time to make it happen.

I think its more important to have genuine people in your life rather than a big circle of fake friends. You dont know what goes on behind closed doors in your friends lives, they might seem like they have a great social circle but in reality those friendships could be fake and shallow which is usually the case, I wouldnt compare yourself to them too much.

via4

It sounds like your doing all the right things. You make the effort in friendships as much as you can and you initiated contact with someone you havnt seen in three years that's quite brave and sounds like it worked out.
I agree with the above poster it's better to have one or two close friends than a big group of fake people I mean how exhausting does that sound!
I can relate to the meet up groups was all set to go to one then I thought to myself what am I doing but thankfully a friend came along with me in the end.
I think we need to just bite the bullet n go haha....
I went through that phase were I would cry with the loneliness and wish I had true friends but for me it passed now I couldn't care less tbh.
Also one thing I do notice is the older people get they usually have their partner the kids and pets and that's it really. For example I have cousins your age and they don't have any friends at all just their partners and kids there not these social butterflies out every weekend.
Social media can make it seem like people have loads of fun but it's a lie that we need to keep reminding ourselves of. You wouldn't believe the amount of ppl in your position and I firmly believe it's getting harder and harder to meet people these days. People are a lot busier and don't have as much free time and more often times than not you could be raring to go out some weekend dying to go out and other people may be having a bad weekend or tired or wanna catch up with stuff and they may not have the time and it ends up as bad timing which is unfortunate. Also I have another family member in their 20,s that has had bad luck with friendships and I was talking to a woman yesterday her daughter is the same age and has no friends. Like I know when I was 20 I was never in every night I was away somewhere having a ball with tons of friends but nowadays it's so bad. Maybe social media is playing a part in it ppl just sit in instead of meeting up I honestly don't know.
The only thing I can say is what is reported a million times on boards so forgive me lol but join a little club or hobby just to expand your circle a bit. I am joining a book club and if i meet nice people there great if not no harm.
And honestly having a hen party is no big deal if I ever get married I'm not even gunna have one I couldn't be bothered with all that enjoy the wedding prep feck the hen xxxx