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Making friends in college

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  • 26-10-2016 10:22pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 36


    HI,

    My daughter is feeling lonely in College. None of her friends go to the same college as her and the people in her house all have friends from home and don't seem to have room for anymore. She is friendly and outgoing and it's so hard to know that she is struggling. Any ideas?


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,416 ✭✭✭Maldesu


    If she isn't a member of a society or club try encourage her to join one. However, going to a new club/soc/anything is very daunting and I imagine she would rather having a buddy when going in, so YOU really support her on it. She will have to be willing to approach people she has never met and basically say 'I'm on my own her, mind if I join you?' For a teen/young adult POV, this is a terrible experience akin to telling the world you are a loner with no mates, but from an outside perspective, this is just a fact - Person has an interest, friends do not. Try get her to look at it that - also, the societies and clubs will have different years in it, so not all will be newbies (some will be sane)

    Also, her roommates may be too wrapped up in their own stuff to actually realise that she isn't socialising. For them, this may well be the first time they have gotten to really run amok and other people can get left behind - not out of maliciousness, but just because they lack the experience. You said your daughter is outgoing and friendly, but in times like this, confidence and will really stand out - not an easy thing to learn - takes some grit.

    One final point - your daughter has not just gone to college, but she has gone to a place that has, on average 22,000 persons working/living in it. UCD is massive and still growing, she might feel she has no place, but its there somewhere. Don't approach it like its a new school she has changed to, but look at it like a new town she has gone to.

    Not sure this helps, but Good luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,076 ✭✭✭Eathrin


    maziemac wrote: »
    HI,

    My daughter is feeling lonely in College. None of her friends go to the same college as her and the people in her house all have friends from home and don't seem to have room for anymore. She is friendly and outgoing and it's so hard to know that she is struggling. Any ideas?

    College students can be more cliquey than you might imagine they should be at this age. Plenty of students do find it hard to make friends in class but there is absolutely something for everybody at UCD. Going to things alone can be daunting but after getting a conversation started it really all gets better from there. I'm still a student at UCD so feel free to PM me about anything more specific.


  • Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭Andru93


    maziemac wrote: »
    HI,

    My daughter is feeling lonely in College. None of her friends go to the same college as her and the people in her house all have friends from home and don't seem to have room for anymore. She is friendly and outgoing and it's so hard to know that she is struggling. Any ideas?

    Does she have any interests?


  • Registered Users Posts: 36 maziemac


    Andru93 wrote: »
    Does she have any interests?

    I told her to go along to the drama society as they have something for everyone both on and off stage and you don't have to be able to act to take part. She has already gone to a few exercise classses where no one spoke to her as they all went with friends. So she feels it will be more of the same.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,076 ✭✭✭Eathrin


    maziemac wrote: »
    I told her to go along to the drama society as they have something for everyone both on and off stage and you don't have to be able to act to take part. She has already gone to a few exercise classses where no one spoke to her as they all went with friends. So she feels it will be more of the same.

    The drama society people are very nice to those who take an interest and participate regularly in their activities, on stage or off. It's not so huge that you would find yourself lost in the crowd. Definitely encourage her to give that a try. Alternatively plenty of small societies have quite a small regular group and from experience really appreciate new participants so it can be very easy with a positive attitude.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭Andru93


    maziemac wrote: »
    I told her to go along to the drama society as they have something for everyone both on and off stage and you don't have to be able to act to take part. She has already gone to a few exercise classses where no one spoke to her as they all went with friends. So she feels it will be more of the same.

    So there are two main groups on campus Dramsoc and Musical Society.

    Dramsoc has one to two productions per week. Where students do the complete show from acting to building sets to hanging lights and design sound effects.
    She can send an fb message here https://www.facebook.com/dramsoc.ucd/ about getting involve.

    Musical have their big production of Parade in two weeks. They are always looking for people to get involve in the backstage areas so as Make-up, Set, and General Stage Crew.
    She can send an email to Jenny (Producer of Parade) here musical.society@ucd.ie she would love to here from you :)

    If you've any more question feel free to ask


  • Registered Users Posts: 96 ✭✭b0gg3r


    There are some very friendly societies, and some... not so much.

    GameSoc - Video games, tabletop, card games. Friendliest nerds I've ever met.
    Climbing Club - They do bouldering and hill walks. Very welcoming bunch.
    Canoe Club - Pool Sessions and weekend trips. Fantastically friendly guys, friends for life.

    There's "refreshers week" coming up in January, which is for people to join clubs that they may not have in September. It means you'll be showing up to meetings/sessions with people who also don't know anyone.

    If she has particular interests, tell her to contact the society, there's literally one for everything.


  • Registered Users Posts: 36 maziemac


    Meant to update but never got around to it. Decided to do it now in case someone else is in the same boat.

    When my daughter went back to college in January things improved hugely. One of her classmates asked in a group chat about the nearest cinema and my daughter replied and asked if she'd like company. Eight of them went in total and friendships were formed. I have talked to quite a few parents and while some students settle in immediately, lots had similar stories to my daughter. She is in a great house this year and is loving life.


  • Registered Users Posts: 96 ✭✭b0gg3r


    maziemac wrote: »
    Meant to update but never got around to it. Decided to do it now in case someone else is in the same boat.

    When my daughter went back to college in January things improved hugely. One of her classmates asked in a group chat about the nearest cinema and my daughter replied and asked if she'd like company. Eight of them went in total and friendships were formed. I have talked to quite a few parents and while some students settle in immediately, lots had similar stories to my daughter. She is in a great house this year and is loving life.

    That's really great to hear!


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,566 ✭✭✭enfant terrible


    My girlfriend answered a student union email about helping them out and made loads of friends that way.


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