Relationship problems

castrorama1991

Hi all, looking for some advice. I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and she recently told me her "number" after a drunken chat. It all seemed very harmless but she revealed her number of sleeping partners was 9. And those were in the last two years of college and she hadn't slept with anyone before college. She's 21 (me being 23) but this figure is starting to bother me as I haven't really had that conversation before but I cannot help but feel that's a little high in that length of time. Is that a respectful number? I really like this person so please no smart comments just need sone advice. Thanks

davo2001

This isn't 1950s Ireland anymore, 9 is not a high number.

368100

castrorama1991 wrote: »

Hi all, looking for some advice. I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and she recently told me her "number" after a drunken chat. It all seemed very harmless but she revealed her number of sleeping partners was 9. And those were in the last two years of college and she hadn't slept with anyone before college. She's 21 (me being 23) but this figure is starting to bother me as I haven't really had that conversation before but I cannot help but feel that's a little high in that length of time. Is that a respectful number? I really like this person so please no smart comments just need sone advice. Thanks

9 over 2 years, on average 1 every 3 months or so. Doesn't sound excessive to me for a single person enjoying college life. As long as she was careful It wouldn't be something I'd bet worried about and I can guess if it was a fella then people wouldn't bat an eyelid on that number. (I'm a fella btw. Maybe she just enjoys sex and again as long as she was careful then fair play to her.

Out of interest what's your number OP? I take it it's lower if this is bothering you?

Witchie

What is the obsession with "numbers". Jesus, if you like the girl so what. As long as she was careful and won't be passing anything to you, then it is none of your business.

Austria!

I don't see why you'd care.

Colser

I actually thought it was her phone number...😭

Akrasia

castrorama1991 wrote: »

Hi all, looking for some advice. I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and she recently told me her "number" after a drunken chat. It all seemed very harmless but she revealed her number of sleeping partners was 9. And those were in the last two years of college and she hadn't slept with anyone before college. She's 21 (me being 23) but this figure is starting to bother me as I haven't really had that conversation before but I cannot help but feel that's a little high in that length of time. Is that a respectful number? I really like this person so please no smart comments just need sone advice. Thanks

Jesus. You know this girl for 6 months but you think a bunch of anonymous Internet people can judge her character better than you can based only on a number?

New relationships are a clean slate. Judge her on her behaviour and personality
, not your prejudices over what is or isn't 'proper'

ainecaine

Really you should not be bothered by her number. If she had done anything different she would not be where she is now. You might not have met and might not be seeing each other now.
If you are intimidated by the number, consider why this is. Is you number a problem for her? Do you think she will think you are not experienced enough?
If she is with you it's because she wants to be, not any other reason, nothing to do with past sexual partners.

LegacyUser

OP, I don't know of a single guy in his early 20s nowadays who'll date a girl without having a physical relationship with her within a month or so. Most people don't want to be in a longterm or serious relationship when in college.
This is simply the reality of dating in the modern world.

Ursus Horribilis

Ah, the old "numbers" chestnut rears its ugly head again. It's too late for you in this case but really, you're better off not knowing your other half's number unless you can handle it. There are many people in relationships who don't know or want to know it.

You're going to hear people tell you in different ways that 9 isn't excessive and that she's with you now, not one of the others. It's up to you to decide whether you can cope with this knowledge. If you can't, then it's better to break up sooner rather than later. Then if you meet someone else, don't ask.

racso1975

castrorama1991 wrote: »

Is that a respectful number? I really like this person so please no smart comments just need sone advice. Thanks

Can I just ask WTF that bit in bold means? Respectful in what way? I really do have to laugh at people that get hot under the collar with this numbers stuff!!! So what if it 9, 19, 99? The woman is allowed go out and be with who she wants to be. She obviously enjoys sex so what is wrong with that. Or is your view the age old a guy can go and shag who he want but a girl cant?

I presume you see the huge irony in asking us not to make smart comments about her yet it's you that's judging her?

timmy880

I have to remind myself how obsessed I was over little things when I was 23! But her number is no big deal at all. I don't even know why you would care. And what would have been acceptable anyway? 2? 3? None??? Just let it go. She had a life before you. Same way you had one before her.

silverharp

I don't see why a guy shouldn't want to know, there are "numbers" out there that would be indicators that the girl potentially has a lot of baggage or that the guy is just a stepping stone to an even bigger number so best not to take the relationship too seriously or move on. In this case given that she is only 21 there is probably not much to read into it, you have been dating the girl for 6 months so you should have a reasonable handle on her personality so unless it confirms something that was bugging you about her then I'd say you are good to go. you could even view it as a plus in that if you ended up being together for years that she has no reason to look over the fence, she might be glad to have left all that behind her

batmanrobin

racso1975 wrote: »

Can I just ask WTF that bit in bold means? Respectful in what way? I really do have to laugh at people that get hot under the collar with this numbers stuff!!! So what if it 9, 19, 99? The woman is allowed go out and be with who she wants to be. She obviously enjoys sex so what is wrong with that. Or is your view the age old a guy can go and shag who he want but a girl cant?

I presume you see the huge irony in asking us not to make smart comments about her yet it's you that's judging her?

Yeah, that bit jumped out at me too!

Do you mean respectful for a "good girl", OP? Respectful for gf material?

Honestly, this whole notion of women being good girls who never have sex or sluts who get up on anything is very, very bloody tiresome! OP, women like sex. We like it a lot. It's great!! What's not to like. Now whether this girl slept with 9 or 99 is only relevant in terms of whether protection was used. If she practiced safe sex then you've nothing to worry about.

Stop obsessing. Her past is her past. She wasn't with you than.

Kazza16

Jayzus if 9 is a large number than I may as well quit my job and become a prostitute! She's in college, experiencing what will probably be one of the best times of her life, doing what most other college going people do. She doesn't need this judgement. The biggest mistake you could make now is bringing it up again!

GuessWhoEh

castrorama1991 wrote:

Hi all, looking for some advice. I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and she recently told me her "number" after a drunken chat. It all seemed very harmless but she revealed her number of sleeping partners was 9. And those were in the last two years of college and she hadn't slept with anyone before college. She's 21 (me being 23) but this figure is starting to bother me as I haven't really had that conversation before but I cannot help but feel that's a little high in that length of time. Is that a respectful number? I really like this person so please no smart comments just need sone advice. Thanks

With the whinging of you, you'll be next on her list. Why do you even care? Its not the 50's anymore. Times have changed. She was in college. Pretty sure she can do what she wants when she's single. Sleep with whoever she wants. "Is this a respectful number"? Is that even a question?

route9

Never ask someone's number!! Why would you care, she is seeing you now! Take it as a lesson and move on. 9 is not that high either really.

JeffKenna

Hi OP,

To answer your question it's impossible for anyone else to judge if 9 is a respectable number because it's all relevant to you. What I will say is that we live in a society where casual sex is very common, to the extent that I personally know girls who have had sex with taxi drivers in exchange for the taxi fare.

mailforkev

You've learned a valuable life lesson OP; never ask a question that you don't want to hear the answer to.

She's done nothing remotely unusual and either way, before she met you isn't any of your business. This seems to be a common enough with young lads but you'll get over it.

Foresty

Both of you go get tested for STDs and if all clear, wayhey. Forget it.

If she won't get tested run a mile.

Always use condoms as everyone is cheating on everyone nowadays.

dudara

@Foresty - I have deleted one of your posts as it was not to the standard required in PI. Please take the time to read the forum charter before posting again, so that you are familiar with the standard and style of PI

dudara

armaghlad

If it makes you feel any better, the girl im seeing is 19 and her number is 22. Doesn't bother me tbh

skallywag

JeffKenna wrote: »

...What I will say is that we live in a society where casual sex is very common, to the extent that I personally know girls who have had sex with taxi drivers in exchange for the taxi fare.

Nothing new so see here, isn't having sex for monetary gain the oldest trick there is?!

OP, I can somewhat sympathize with you, but I also tend to say that 9 is not something that I myself would be concerned about.

Keep in mind though that once you peek inside Pandora's box you can never unpeek the same! Some things are better left alone.

GingerLily

JeffKenna wrote: »

Hi OP,

To answer your question it's impossible for anyone else to judge if 9 is a respectable number because it's all relevant to you. What I will say is that we live in a society where casual sex is very common, to the extent that I personally know girls who have had sex with taxi drivers in exchange for the taxi fare.

That's not casual sex, that's a business transaction - they are not the same thing.

Taltos

Mod Note
Yet again we've deleted a number of posts that fall well short of the standard required in this forum.
For the newbies here please note that this forum takes one of the strictest approaches to such posts and generally they result in cards and/or bans.

Forestry, your last chance now. Having being warned above by Dudara I was surprised to see you in the mix here again.

Everyone else, remember as this forum deals with serious issues if you don't have constructive advice to offer and in a civil manner just don't post, otherwise as I've just stated you're likely to be carded/banned.