How to move past this

LegacyUser

Hi, bit of back story. Six years ago I got with my now ex, *Peter, he cheated and stole money from me so I broke it off after nearly two years together. My friends had gotten quite close to him during our relationship and continued a friendship with him after we split, which was fine. We remained friends for a few months after the split to keep the peace between everyone as we had a lot of mutual friends, until I found out the extent of his cheating so I broke all contact and blocked him from all forms of media and phone. That was four years ago and I never unblocked him.

One of my best friends of 15 years, *David, had remained very close to my ex, he said that while he knows what my ex did to me he will always be on my side. That is until about a year ago, *Davids & his girlfriend were expecting a new baby, he was updating me constantly, talking about the christening when the baby eventually arrives and how we would celebrate. Then complete silence on his side for months! I naturally sent well wishes and a gift when the baby arrived, I received no thank you but I figured he was busy with new baby life etc to reply. I was on social media and up pops pictures of this friends babies christening, neither myself or other mutual friends had been told or invited, but my ex was there in every picture. I was hurt and upset that someone I had considered a best friend for so long would choose to have my ex boyfriend there instead of me or his other close friends. I can understand if he thought things would be awkward between my ex and I but we have both moved on in other relationships so I think that excuse would have been irrelevant.

A few weeks later I ran into David, things were definitely awkward. He was staring at me as I got closer, I said hello but kept walking, he said hello back. I didn't stop to chat. I haven't seen or spoken to him him since. I feel paranoid that I've done something wrong, my ex spread a lot of rumours when we spilt, but I can't think of a reason why David would be angry with me. I suffer from depression and I think this is the main reason I feel so betrayed and hurt, I just can't seem to get past it. It has nothing to do with my ex really, I just find it so hurtful that a friend of so many years would cut me out of his life for no reason, at least none that he gave me.

How do I move on from this? I'm losing sleep for weeks trying to think why this happened. I understand that as we age we gradually lose friends but I didn't expect it to happen this way.a

pookie82

It sounds like, contrary to his promises, David has "chosen" Peter, for whatever reason. It's always awkward on groups of friends when a couple breaks up and they feel like they have to take sides in maintaining the friendship with either/or. Ideal scenario is that you can maintain all of them but given your ex's treatment of you it doesn't sound like you'd ever be able to be friends again, or even civil in a group, hanging out like nothing has happened.

Therefore, a choice has to be made, and David chose Peter. Not very nice, especially without explanation or warning, or even giving you a chance to remain part of the picture ("hey look I'm really sorry but I want Peter there, I know you guys have beef so you're welcome to bow out if you can't handle it, but you're also welcome to come if you can").

There's no point in beating yourself up about it, or wondering if Peter has said something negative about you to sway their opinion. Knowing the way in which Peter behaved towards you, if they still want to believe him or take his side, are they worth having as friends?

Many people will let you down all throughout your life, most of whom will be friends or boyfriends. You have to dust yourself off, resign yourself to the fact it "didn't work out" (much like a any relationship) and move on gracefully.

Ms Doubtfire1

I can understand what you feel, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not that important. A year from now you probably won't even think of Dave anymore. People change. Maybe your ex ran into David and they just got talking? Maybe David's girlfriend wasn't comfortable with the ongoing friendship? Who knows.
Point I'm trying to make is that these feelings of rejection pass, and often enough they pass quite quickly.
Live your life OP, have fun, make memories.
Thats all that ever matters in the end.