Afraid of nightclubs

LegacyUser

Basically I have a 'fear of nightclubs'. I hate going to them. I have bee to them before and I just don't enjoy going to them. My college is having a night out this week in a nightclub. My friends are going and want me to go, I told them it sounds good, but I don't want to go.

I don't enjoy them, it's going to cost a fair bit of money. Including 30 for a taxi. I'd rather just go to the pub, or he a session somewhere, but I have awful anxiety of going to town at night, on the chance I get attacked.

leggo

There's no real requirement in your life to go to nightclubs, plenty don't enjoy them. If I never set foot in another nightclub in my life, personally, I'd be okay with that. It's awkward with your current group of mates if that's their thing, but if it's just the odd night here and there you miss, no harm done. Maybe confide in someone you know well within the group so someone understands.

In terms of the anxiety about being attacked, that may be worth looking into. While it's certainly preferable to err on the safe side, if it's affecting your life and causes you to miss things you'd otherwise attend then it's an issue. Most just have plans in place to ensure they keep safe (sticking to safe streets at busy times, having people around them for protection, never walking alone through a busy city etc). If it's so bad you can't come up with a plan to keep safe and be okay socialising (be it in nightclubs or not) then it might be worth seeking professional help.

Ursus Horribilis

You'd be surprised how many people don't like nightclubs. I think they're hellholes and you're paying for the privelege... If someone invited me to one now, I'd thank them but say no. It's unfortunate that you're at the age where your peers like going to them and don't see anywhere else as a viable alternative. Regardless of what you choose to do, don't flake out on your friends. If you don't want to go, then tell them now.

I agree with Leggo on the anxiety thing. That is ringing alarm bells and is something you may need to get help with. Yes, there's a risk of getting attacked on a night out but for the vast majority of people, it never becomes a reality. There are plenty of ways to avoid putting yourself into danger and they work. If you start thinking like that, you could be making your world a very small place indeed.

brickmauser

If you are anxious about being attacked I reckon you should join a gym and take up martial arts which will make you physically fit and confident. You'll carry yourself confidently and be able to defend yourself if you are attacked. Women like guys who are fit and confident so that's a plus.

Hollister11

Go and have a good night out with your friends. I'm similar in that I'm not a fan of nightclubs. But once I have a few drinks I calm down and enjoy my night. The next day you will be thrilled you went out.

milehip

Then don't go,you're right that it's a waste of money and an unnecessary hassle.

If you're anxious about your security take a krav maga course,its not just about physical self defense,you'll also learn about about the how to carry your self and how to avoid dangerous situations

Clampdown

They're crap places in general, but also generally very very safe. They have security staff with headsets to communicate and they usually converge on any trouble quickly and sort it out.

Outside can seem a little scary when there's loads of drunken louts shouting and roaming about but there just eejits and that's just their idea of a good time. And tbh you only notice it when you are not three sheets yourself. Still, if you are worried about any trouble then just don't drink so much that you can't keep your wits about you. Don't drink shots or shorts, nurse your pints or take water in between or dance instead of just drinking.

It's all in your head though really. I don't go out drinking now but I was at it all weekend all during my 20's. Wasn't Dublin but a good size town. Only once did anything ever happen - some scumbag sucker punched me from behind while I was dancing. It was just a tap, I couldn't see who done it so I just went to the other side of the floor and continued busting my groove. Didn't ruin my night or make me think I need to sign up for karate.

An unprovoked attack is extremely unlikely, especially if you are in a group. Even on your own it's unlikely but if you are anxious just stay in your group and get a taxi at the end of the night.

And guess what, in the unlucky and unlikely event that some dolt wants to take a swipe at you, unless he's massive or a trained MMA fighter it will probably only damage your ego. (And trained fighters are the least likely people to slug a randomer in public for no reason)
The kebab you get on the way home is probably more dangerous than any sloppy drunken slap from a wee scobe in a nightclub.

If you've ever seen a fight in a club, it's usually over in seconds hardly ever many decent blows landed, just a quick skirmish and then bouncers and/or bystanders intervene and break it up.

Go and enjoy your night out or at least try to. If you decide you don't like clubs because you hate the music or the price gouging or the atmosphere, then don't go any more but don't stay home just because you're afraid. Someday you'll be too old to go round clubs chasing mini skirts and you might regret not letting loose when you had the chance. I wouldn't go to a club now if you paid me, but I don't regret all the times I went and had fun or at least tried to.

brickmauser

For most people nightclubs are crap.
The music is too loud the place is too dark and it's too crowded. The drinks are too expensive and you have to shout to be heard.
If a person is shy it is just about the last place they should go because if you are standing around or wandering with a drink you are just going to be doing that all night.
Women in groups will generally only engage with a group of guys. If you are on your own and you start talking to a woman on her own a female friend of hers or a male platonic friend will move in and scupper your chances by taking her away.
Most women will talk to you for a while but only because they want you to buy them a drink and then vanish.
Unless you are confident and care free nightclubs are going to be absolutely crap.
A lot of people who go to nightclubs are shy too so basically you have a place packed full of people who don't know what they are doing there.
Very few of them like the music or know how to dance or are enjoying themselves.
The women are getting unwanted attention from drunk guys and drunk guys are getting more and more sexually frustrated and aggressive.
Only a few people in a club score.
The rest stumble out go get fast food and vomit sometime on the way home or when they get back to their place.

ScumLord

I always thought there was something wrong with me for not enjoying nightclubs as much as everyone else seemed to, but there isn't, nightclubs in particular are terrible. I really don't see what the attraction is in being crammed into a pub paying over the odds for crap drink.

I just don't see what's fun about them. When I was in college we generally didn't have all that much money for nightclubs and would often just wander the streets, in a town like Galway there's really no need to be paying to enter a packed pub, you'll have just as much fun outside.

Drunks tend to gravitate towards each other when it comes to trouble, so I wouldn't be too worried about being attacked.

Heckler

At 43 my interest in going to nightclubs died a long time ago but when I was in my late teens, early 20's they could be great fun. At Brickmauser, they are not all as shifty as you make them out to be. Some people have a few drinks, dance a bit and go home with no ulterior motives.

As for the fear of being attacked, letting that dictate what you do and don't do indicates a more serious issue.

Sure, there are precautions you can take. Stay with friends, get a taxi home etc. In 25 odd years of going out (Cork city) and often getting terribly drunk I've only ever been attacked once and that was a single punch from a scumbag when I was about 17. (And my way home involved walking up a notoriously bad street in the early 90's)

I did, years later, train in martial arts for a long time and while it certainly does increase your confidence and probably subconciously makes you hold yourself better don't ever mistake that for an ability to defend yourself effectively especially if you're drunk.

A sucker punch from behind will knock you to the ground and all the katas and sets and drills you have done will be for nought.

That said, even the loud, drunk folks are well meaning and of no harm. Just go out and enjoy yourself. I sometimes left nightclubs about 20 minutes before the end. No long taxi queues then.