Paranoid behaviour, i blame others

LegacyUser

I suffer from paranoia, i get delusional thoughts and blame everyone around me.

About 22 months ago, around Christmas time, i came home late one evening from work. A package arrived earlier in the day and it arrived broken. I went off in a foul mood and wouldn't talk to my sister. I removed her from facebook, all over this broken package.

Not only that, I blamed my sister over stealing my bank card because it fell out of my purse. At the time I was saving for a family event abroad which she wasn't invited to and I thought she didn't want me to go and her way of stopping me was to take my bank card. I accused her of theft. She stopped talking to me, probably waiting for an apology but i wouldn't give her one. I realise i am unable to apologise.

She came to me two months later and said that this was a stupid fight and I dismissed her.

I could apologise but she probably won't take it. In fact last year, I did apologise but she said it wasn't a proper apology because i sent a message from my mother's phone to apologise. She said i was hiding behind my mother's phone and there wasn't anything stopping me from using my own phone.

I know she is mad at me because a few years ago I used to do the same thing to her. I would blame her for things and she was able to prove me wrong. I asked her to order me a phone using her credit card and i paid her. The phone never came on time and I accused her of not ordering the phone and she kept my money. I never apologised when the phone came. Another time, I misplaced a book that she had given me and I accused her of taking it back which she never did. There was a few more examples but I was in the wrong.

She has tried to reach out to me over the past two years, giving me a chance but i don't want to talk to her or explain my actions. What do I do?

kylith

Are you getting professional help for this?

Big Bag of Chips

You stop being so mean to your sister. Do you do this with anyone else? If not then its just annoyance at your sister. Maybe sibling rivalry. Me and my sister used to clash heads constantly until I moved out of home. Now we are great friends.

Do you both live together?

You realise you are wrong and unreasonable. I don't know if its paranoia as such, or more not wanting to admit you're at fault and using your sister as a scape goat. Are you seeing anyone to deal with this? Your GP? A counsellor? There's a chance you just don't like your sister. That's fine. Not all siblings get along. But if that's the case then you stay out of her way. You don't ask her do to favours for you (I'm surprised she does them at all) and you don't have a relationship of any substance with her. You can limit it to two people who know each other.

This carry on must be very upsetting for your mother. I assume you're an adult. Time to "own your behaviour" as they say these days. You know you're wrong. Now take steps to address the problems you cause for yourself and others.

LegacyUser

It's not something I'm getting help with. I don't believe i need help but I do know that i have to stop.

Gregor Samsa

paraniaoutofcontrol wrote: »

It's not something I'm getting help with. I don't believe i need help but I do know that i have to stop.

If you're posting here literally asking "What do I do?", then obviously you do need help. It's a good sign that you recognise that your behaviour isn't appropriate, but given that you do recognise this and yet can't stop yourself (or make amends for the things you've done in the past), then talking to a professional is probably a very good idea.

It's easy for us to say "well, stop behaving like this and make a proper apology to your sister" - but you know that already and it hasn't done you any good.

Despite the wrongs you've subjected your sister to over the years, she still seems to want a relationship with you. However, this won't last forever if you continue to behave as you're doing. Sooner or later, it will become easier and less stressful for her to permanently cut you off than deal with your unreasonable behaviour. And once that happens, the relationship may not be salvageable at all. I get the impression that you don't want this to happen.

So since you are asking for help for this issue, take the right step and seek it. Talk to a GP or Counselor.

PCX

I think you probably do want to make amends with your sister but don't know how to go about it - otherwise why would you have taken the time to post in the first place?

If you want a relationship with your sister in the future then I think that you have to do something proactive about this. A good first step to repairing your relationship would be to actually put in writing (letter or email) the same details that you have put in your OP. It might be easier for you than apologising face to face.

You could tell her that you realise that you have been unfair in the way you have treated her in the past. List some of the examples you have here and say that you know that the way you behaved in each instance was wrong and that you are sorry for that. Try your best to explain in your own words (as you have in your OP) why you think you have acted as you have and say that you will try your best to work through your own issues and not let it happen again.

I do think that from reading your post you do really need professional help with this issue if you don't want it causing you and those around you unnecessary heartache in the future.

I'd recommend you go to your GP and explain things to them and ask them if they can recommend the best way to get this sorted out for you. They deal with things like this all the time and will know if a referral will help and if so who it would be best for you to speak to.

You know yourself that you have an issue and posting here was a step towards fixing it - it probably wasn't as hard as you imagined. If you take the next step of visiting the GP I bet you will find it easier than you think too.

paraniaoutofcontrol

paraniaoutofcontrol wrote: »

It's not something I'm getting help with. I don't believe i need help but I do know that i have to stop.

If this is your attitude, then I'm not entirely sure what you're here for. Nobody can give you advice if you're not acknowledging a problem and trying to rectify it. Otherwise it'll be as effective as talking to the wall.

Big Bag of Chips

If you want to stop and don't believe you need help stopping then the solution is obvious. Just stop. You know you're being unreasonable. You know you're wrong in most (all?) of these cases so just stop having a go at your sister over something you know she didn't do.

On the other hand if you can't stop these paranoid irrational feelings, if you can't control your anger, if you continue to behave as you are even though you say you want to stop, then you need help. From somewhere.

GP is usually the first call.

eviltwin

paraniaoutofcontrol wrote: »

It's not something I'm getting help with. I don't believe i need help but I do know that i have to stop.

You absolutely need help if you're paranoid to the.point it's starting to have a major impact on your life.

LegacyUser

Due to a recent death in the family, we have started talking again. I haven't apologised for my previous behaviour. My sister seems to trust me again but I broke that trust. She mentioned something to me, she got something done and I am going out to do the same thing. She now thinks I am copying her and she went mad at me. She does get angry but I make her angry. I used to copy her in our twenties and when things didn't go my way, I would blame her. To be honest, I'm only getting it done because I want the attention on me and not on my sister.