First consensual relationship (rape survivor)

Alannah Gallagher

I survived being raped when I was 15. I had counselling and thought I'd got over it when my attacker got locked up. I don't feel guilty or anything now, usually dont think about it and can talk about it without getting emotional.
Now I'm in a long term relationship that recently got sexual, my first one, I love foreplay and girl on top. We've just never been able to do boy on top because every time we try I suddenly get absolutely terrified, like the worst nightmares.
Any suggestions for getting over this?

sullivlo

Mod

Hi OP

I've moved your thread to personal issues - you'all get a better response there.

Good luck, and well done on getting through all of this.

racso1975

It would sound like a partial control piece. When someone is on top of you they tend to have control and giving that up based upon your history could be the problem. Also the mind is an exceptionally powerful tool and can cause the body to react based upon previous trauma and pain inflicted upon you. So there maybe some underlying issues there that a visit ti your counsellor or sex therapist may help with. Have you tried side by side like boy on top but on your sides. You would be giving up less control and edging closer to him on top.

Without trying to sound condescending fair fukin play to you for getting on with your life and trying to solve this issue. Take care and all the best.

December2012

how important is it that you can be comfortable with the Man on top?

Some things people just don't like sexually and that's okay.

It's okay (and very understandable) to have this preference for you feeling safe and in control.

If it's something you want to deal with, for yourself, then a proper and experienced therapist may help.

Rubberchikken

i'm really sorry you had such an experience. to have dealt with it so well is a credit to you. have you had counselling? i only ask because maybe you need to speak to a professional to help you move on with this different stage.
sorry to be of no help. best of luck

brickmauser

There aren't just two sexual positions OP
You could try doggie style? He would be behind you and not on top of you and you would feel in control if you twerk with your head down and your behind in the air?
If you are on your back you could try raising your knees and putting your legs over his shoulders while he is on top. If you start to panic you can push him off you with your legs or roll out from under him handy enough.
In just those two positions you can get the maximum of sexual.pleasure - he will be able to go deep inside you and pound you hard - and not feel overpowered.
You could try the scissors position where you lie on your backs facing away from each other with your genitals coming together. You can both feel equally in control.
I recommend you get a Kama Sutra book and try the endless positions.
You can enjoy sex without just the man on top mode which you obviously find intimidating.