Curious to give new things a try

trainerguy

I am a guy who has experimented with other guys (and enjoyed it) in the past. Its been a long time since then and I wouldn't mind giving it another try but I don't know where to start. I think I would like to get into a relationship and see how it goes but I would prefer a few casual encounters first. Can people give me some advice on how and where the best way to meet people is. I have toyed with the idea of going to a sauna but I don't know anything about them or even what the etiquette is when you go there.

I am sure we have all been here so any advice or guidance would be appreciated, even if it was to stay away from certain avenues. If you don't want to reply to the post feel free to PM me.

Fleawuss

Start with meeting people. You know how that happens already. You can go golfing, swimming, walking, mountain climbing, GAA, soccer, cooking, films, all sorts of activities. Mass even used to be a great way to meet people but not so much anymore since all the scandals and people getting educated but even so you could give it a try. If you're in rural Ireland the mart is a good introduction to people. Basically to meet people you mix with them.

trainerguy

For various personal reasons it's not really feasible to put myself out on the dating scene at the moment unfortunately. Plus I am still not 100% sure that this is something I want to commit to long term either. Or if I would like the best of both worlds for that matter. I am unsure of my feelings and trying to expiriment a bit to see if that's makes things any clearer to me. It might sound like I am sitting on the fence a bit (which I am I suppose) but I am in a confusing place right now and it's difficult to know what to do while staying safe.

learn_more

Fleawuss wrote: »

Start with meeting people. You know how that happens already. You can go golfing, swimming, walking, mountain climbing, GAA, soccer, cooking, films, all sorts of activities. Mass even used to be a great way to meet people but not so much anymore since all the scandals and people getting educated but even so you could give it a try. If you're in rural Ireland the mart is a good introduction to people. Basically to meet people you mix with them.

If you live in rural Ireland the best place to meet people is the mart ? That cracked me up ! Wouldn't a dingy pub with sawdust on the floor be better?

L1011

I'm not sure you can just wander in to a mart without having intent to do business, either.

flowerbattle

trainerguy wrote: »

For various personal reasons it's not really feasible to put myself out on the dating scene at the moment unfortunately. Plus I am still not 100% sure that this is something I want to commit to long term either. Or if I would like the best of both worlds for that matter. I am unsure of my feelings and trying to expiriment a bit to see if that's makes things any clearer to me. It might sound like I am sitting on the fence a bit (which I am I suppose) but I am in a confusing place right now and it's difficult to know what to do while staying safe.

Honestly I'd give Grindr a try, or even Scruff. Approach guys you like with a "hey" and let them know how you feel and what you want. I'm sure they'd pretty much all get you, you're in an understandable position.

learn_more

trainerguy wrote: »

I am a guy who has experimented with other guys (and enjoyed it) in the past. Its been a long time since then and I wouldn't mind giving it another try but I don't know where to start. I think I would like to get into a relationship and see how it goes but I would prefer a few casual encounters first. Can people give me some advice on how and where the best way to meet people is. I have toyed with the idea of going to a sauna but I don't know anything about them or even what the etiquette is when you go there.

I am sure we have all been here so any advice or guidance would be appreciated, even if it was to stay away from certain avenues. If you don't want to reply to the post feel free to PM me.

I don't understand this post at all. On the one hand you have said that you have experimented with guys. So you know how to meet guys, even though your asking how to meet guys?

You said you want to get into a relationship and you want to have some causal encounters first, but you said that you have already had some casual encounters.

You talk as if your 'clueless' about how to meet 'guys' but then at the same time you seem to be totally aware about 'saunas'. How have you become aware of 'saunas'.

If your aware about 'saunas' then you must be aware of gay bars and 'gay dating apps'.

Something not quite right about this poster if you ask me.

Fleawuss

trainerguy wrote: »

For various personal reasons it's not really feasible to put myself out on the dating scene at the moment unfortunately. Plus I am still not 100% sure that this is something I want to commit to long term either. Or if I would like the best of both worlds for that matter. I am unsure of my feelings and trying to expiriment a bit to see if that's makes things any clearer to me. It might sound like I am sitting on the fence a bit (which I am I suppose) but I am in a confusing place right now and it's difficult to know what to do while staying safe.

It's important to get good advice about the conflicts you are experiencing. See if you can trace the roots of them in your own life. Maybe the groups you've immersed yourself in have been homophobic while masquerading as tolerant and inclusive. Maybe they've been like a lot of such groups secretly homosexual but afraid to face themselves. Maybe they have a warped view of humanity derived from a time when people were more gullible. If you want to meet people, meet them. It's really very simple. Try it. They'll tell you quick enough who and what you are.

Fleawuss

L1011 wrote: »

I'm not sure you can just wander in to a mart without having intent to do business, either.

But it's a credible starting point for the op. If he's in rural Ireland he'll have some beasts.

Fleawuss

learn_more wrote: »

If you live in rural Ireland the best place to meet people is the mart ? That cracked me up ! Wouldn't a dingy pub with sawdust on the floor be better?

They can be great crack! They still exist and the pint is one of the best you will have. Nothing wrong with having your eyes meet across the back of a beast at the mart.

learn_more

Fleawuss wrote: »

They can be great crack! They still exist and the pint is one of the best you will have. Nothing wrong with having your eyes meet across the back of a beast at the mart.

My dad took me to the local mart when I was about 12. I sensed he felt he was treating me to good day out. It was quite an experience I must admit and I've never forgotten it. I liked the bidding part of it but I'd no idea on what basis they were bidding. Perhaps how large they were , I don't know.

Even since I've had a thing for guys in wellies.

L1011

Fleawuss wrote: »

But it's a credible starting point for the op. If he's in rural Ireland he'll have some beasts.

Most of 'rural Ireland' works in the secondary processing or the services sector, not farming. I'm not sure what decade your concept of it comes from.

baby and crumble

L1011 wrote: »

Most of 'rural Ireland' works in the secondary processing or the services sector, not farming. I'm not sure what decade your concept of it comes from.

THANK YOU! I was wondering if anyone would say that. People in rural Ireland don't think of a day at the mart selling "beasts" they don't have as a cracking good time.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

ongarboy

Someone I know was at the ploughing championship and said his Grindr was hopping nonstop with meet up requests while he was there and he made hay while the sun shone if you get my drift!!

OP, if you're in a rural area without access to gay bars, then Grindr is your best bet. It doesn't have to be all seedy hookups if that's not what you want. It can be used for dates, friends and relationships also. Make it clear in your tag line what you are looking for so it weeds out many of the time wasters.

Fleawuss

L1011 wrote: »

Most of 'rural Ireland' works in the secondary processing or the services sector, not farming. I'm not sure what decade your concept of it comes from.

Rural Ireland means those who farm to me. They still do that. Your rural Ireland is in inverted comments. There are a lot of part time farmers. Even they sell beasts. The OP should go along and meet people. The mart is good. Off with him.

Annasopra

By the way a lot of what might be deemed urban parts of rural Ireland have local lgbt groups too.

L1011

Fleawuss wrote: »

Rural Ireland means those who farm to me. They still do that. Your rural Ireland is in inverted comments. There are a lot of part time farmers. Even they sell beasts. The OP should go along and meet people. The mart is good. Off with him.

Your definition is from the 1930s, then.

Its not the 1930s.

Fleawuss

L1011 wrote: »

Your definition is from the 1930s, then.

Its not the 1930s.

Imagine!

Annasopra

Can we go back to giving the op advice please?

WindomEarle

L1011 wrote: »

I'm not sure you can just wander in to a mart without having intent to do business, either.

Can you wander in with intent on doing the business?

trainerguy

I don't understand this post at all. On the one hand you have said that you have experimented with guys. So you know how to meet guys, even though your asking how to meet guys?

You said you want to get into a relationship and you want to have some causal encounters first, but you said that you have already had some casual encounters.

You talk as if your 'clueless' about how to meet 'guys' but then at the same time you seem to be totally aware about 'saunas'. How have you become aware of 'saunas'.

If your aware about 'saunas' then you must be aware of gay bars and 'gay dating apps'.

Something not quite right about this poster if you ask me.

I think if you read my message properly and without actively looking for issues the problem I am having is very clear.

To address your points, the guys I met were a long time ago (over 10 years) some of it was in college and some were from classified ads on certain websites. Obviously the landscape has changed a lot since then and not only do those websites not seem to be used as much anymore they also seem to be filled with a lot more time wasters. Also one thing I can say is that I don't really like what I see there so if that's representative of the pool of guys out there then my decision is being made very easy.

I said "I think" I would like to get into a relationship in that I am still undecided if that's what I want. The physical side appeals to me but is it who I really am and is that all I want. Perhaps I want the best of both worlds in which case is it fair to get into a relationship I have no long term interest in? All I am sure of at this point in time is that the physical side of things interests me and I want to explore it more in a safe and casual environment before I commit to a course of action that many of my friends and family may not understand or find difficult to accept. On that subject it's very difficult and a big commitment for anyone to suddenly say "hey this is what I am expirimenting with now but I may or may not stick with it". If I make that decision I have no qualms about coming out I just don't want to come out for an expirimental period only to decide it's not for me.

I don't understand your comment on suanas. They have been around for years and most people with any city living experience are aware of then. My comment was that I don't know the etiquette for going there or have the first clue and the rules, either formal or informal, for encounters there. If anybody wants to PM me how they work I would appreciate it as I am still in the dark about that aspect of things. As for the apps, I didn't know about them and had some concerns/questions that some helpful people are answering for me via pm so it might be I go that direction.

Everyone else's comments have been super helpful and thank you all very much. Part of the problem about being in rural Ireland is that I know a lot of the local people personally or would know of them (as in who they are and where they are from and possibly even to say hello to or relatives of theirs). If I fancied any of them I would definitely make a move but none of them interest me which is why I am considering looking further afield.

Believe it or not I have been to a lot of marts in my day actually selling livestock and notwithstanding the smell of the guys there I am not interested in that general type of guy.