introvert and quiet at work

san786

I have just started a new job (contracting). My boss is one those kinds who has been in big consulting companies and I find him quiet intimidating because of that. Howver apart from that I have got an introvert personality. I dont do small talk and I cant do small talk. I am a quiet person by nature and this has troubled me my whole life. I have problems making friends quickly for this reason This job that he hired me for required a lot meeting and commuting. I commuted with him to a site for 1.5 hours and I ran out of things to say to him. I am not a talkative person at all and it was very awkward. I will be going for some more trips with him and worried about this aspect of it. Now I am thinking is this the right job for me.Should I leave and find something else?

jester77

Sounds like you are over thinking the issue. Just be comfortable in your silence, if your boss wants to talk let him, but I wouldn't go forcing the conversation, that is what makes it awkward.

There is nothing wrong with being quiet. How are you in meetings with clients? I work with a few people who are introverts, don't say much in terms of small talk, but when it comes to meetings you wouldn't think they were so quiet. They are very good at their job and can easily talk about the topic at hand which is what the client wants. As long as it not impacting your job, then don't worry about it.

I had an interview a few months back, strangest interview ever. The guy was an introvert, but he was over trying not to be one. He even said that himself at the start of the interview that he used to be an introvert. But his answers were often conflicting. HR also had an interview with him, and they were also super confused, a very Jeykl and Hyde type person. He did himself no favours at all. Just be yourself and don't try and force yourself to be something you are not.

JakeBell

I wouldn't be too worried about it yet. Sticking two strangers in a car for 1.5hrs is going to be a bit awkward for the majority of people. When you get to know each other a bit more and maybe even find some common ground it will become more comfortable. Not that you'll have to stay chatting for the entire trip but you'll naturally feel a bit more comfortable about the silences. For all you know he enjoys a bit of peace and quiet anyway.
Was the radio on? You could always ask him if he minds turning it on.

seamus

Yeah, you're overthinking the car trip. As said, two colleagues in a car will often run out of things to say pretty quickly.

Remember that both of you were quiet - there was no obligation on you alone to provide conversation for the trip. That can be hard to remember - everyone feels like awkward silences are their fault, but it takes two people to create an awkward silence

So don't overthink it.

If this kind of car-sharing to meetings is to become a regular feature, make a point of using the trip for prep time. Get out your laptop, type up notes, review presentations. Within that you will naturally find things to talk back-and-forth with him about, and the two of you will arrive to the meeting warmed up and aware of what your message is.
Afterwards you can use the trip back to formalise the meeting notes, draft up emails, etc.

Being an introvert is far more common than you think. It's not about sitting meekly in the corner and hiding yourself. It's about simply not being as engaged in casual social situations. Take a look at any general conversation between colleagues, and you will see some people who are always talking, and other people saying little or nothing. They're the introverts and even though they're standing in a group and looking comfortable, they're saying nothing, just listening and engaging only when necessary.

I find being an introvert a bit of an asset at meetings. There is a little bit of acclimatising - getting used to speaking up so that people don't talk across you - but once you get used to it, you find that people take you more seriously because you don't talk so much. People who talk a lot become noise in a meeting and people filter them out regardless of how insightful their thoughts might be. People who usually don't say much until it's necessary and are short and to the point in meetings are the ones who get heard.

wakka12

Whilst sitting with somebody, simply not giving a **** what theyre thinking is a very freeing mindset to take. Also not worrying constantly, will probably naturally lead to better conversation between the two of you.
And yes it does take two to make a conversation awkward but generally it is mostly one persons fault, one person may be asking questions to stimulate conversation and the other person may be replying with short answers(possibly due to poor social skills) In this case there may be an awkward situation but it is not both of their faults.

irishgrover

I manage a large group of people. I've managed people for 20 + years. I've worked for big consultancy companies and come across as extravert / confident etc .... I need to, as I represent my group and company to external groups. In reality, privately I'm very quiet and introvert...but anyways... I have people who work for me that are very introvert, very quiet, and that I would not dream of putting in an "external facing position". However they are very good at what they do and I utterly value them. A good team needs a variety of people, a good manager knows that and understands it.
However I will say that even if you are introvert, quiet etc that if I was your manager I would still value and expect your view and opinions and I would expect you to share them. In addition I would always make the effort to be polite and supportive of your team and colleagues.
Also being locked into a car with your boss for 90 minutes is a great opportunity to a.) get insights into his view of the world and learn from him b.) give him your opinions and feedback if you have any....or just relax and enjoy the scenery....
I spend many hours in cars, planes and hotels with work colleagues and generally hate the social aspect of it (to the extent that I sometimes travel too/from different airports or flights to get some "me time"....anyway, relax, your boss should not expect you to have the same personality as you. Each of us are different and have different capabilities and values.....

ligerdub

The car journey issue is a non-issue. What is relevant is how you are in the work that you do. If you feel it suits you and you're doing well in that then great.