lost who i am...

trapped198

hi,
i am in my early 20s, my head has not been in a good place in the past year, something happened to me and i thought i could leave it at the back of my mind but i couldn't found it hard to cope for the past 9 or 10 months i have been taking anything i could get my hand on, from painkillers, sleeping pills ,Antidepressants, sniffing glue even at work.

some family members ask what was i on, id laugh it off
my eyes give it away. One moment im on a high next moment i am low

my body gets so weak and i feel tired, drowsiness, and my words make no sense, and i feel the need i need something that will give me a kick..

i have been hiding so much and wanted to believe in something else to make what happened to me better, that it was ok.. (my situation is to complicate to explain)

but now i have lost my partner who i wanted a future with,he was the only thing keeping me going only thing i would look forward to, he was a great guy and i love him so much, now thats over i hurt him so bad and now i am afraid i will end up on hard drugs a road i taught i'd never be in.

i know i do need help, but i don't want to go to my local doctor.
where could i get help, and be anonymous. really dont want my family or anyone to know.

i have never taught my life with be like this, i dont drink or smoke.....

Magicmatilda

A counsellor would be a good start perhaps. There you can talk through whatever it was that happened. IACP have a website where they list accredited counsellors.

You could also go to another GP if you are not comfortable going to your local GP.

Have you spoken to anyone about what happened? any friends or family? did you talk to your partner?

Merkin

I've already asked you to go and seek professional help. Nobody here can help you.