Cheated for nearly a year

LegacyUser

Whats going through the head of someone that can do this for so long to someone they "love"?

Girlfriend off riding at least one, highly suspected of more.

Why didn't she just piss off and stop wasting my time?

Airyfairy12

My ex did it for 3 years with anything and everything that was willing, its the worst feeling and a horrible thing to do to someone, it just makes both partners look bad and leaves you with trust issues.

Your girlfriend did it because she has no respect for you or your feelings, she's selfish and two faced and if she did it to you she'll do it to other men she gets into relationships with, some people cant help themselves, I know a woman whose cheated on every partner she's had, she's engaged now with kids and she's cheated on her fiance too she's a very self absorbed and self centred person when you get to know her.
Some people who cheat just lack morals, will power and consideration for other people, they really only care about themselves and getting their needs met, people are just means to an end for them and they dont care whose feelings they hurt as long as they get their ego stroked, thats what its all about.

You had a lucky escape now you can move on and not have to worry about being used and backstabbed by someone you cared about. You'll get over it eventually, not every woman you meet will be like her xx .

Estrellita

anony4590 wrote: »

Whats going through the head of someone that can do this for so long to someone they "love"?

Girlfriend off riding at least one, highly suspected of more.

Why didn't she just piss off and stop wasting my time?

Firstly, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Dont let what she has done to you ruin your expectations of having a healthy happy relationship with someone.

Cheaters come in male and female form, and to pilfer a term I have seen used here; they are morally bankrupt individuals. There is nothing wrong with you, the problem lies firmly with the cheaters. I hope you find someone worth your love and your time. Take care OP.

LegacyUser

The betrayal is a bitch. I could never trust anyone after it...........I'm missing the person I thought she was.

They say you never really know a person, I found a nasty years worth of messages and then had this girl try and lie her way out of them, my god the lies she came out with. I got a peak behind the veil.

But she really didn't give a sh1t at the back of it, shes gone off riding this other fella and only last week was on about kids and the future!

Not right in the head at all. I knew she wasn't the greenest pea in the pod but their some serious naivety here.

But you're still missing the person you thought she was.

Lucky escape I guess to find out now and not later, 4 years I wish had never happened, I really do. Such a waste of time.

If you have your doubts you really have to follow them, I didn't, I just didn't think she'd do this. My default here was to trust (FU*K!) but my normal everyday default is <40% so what the hell happened!?

Finding such a pile of messages is not good for the head at all and join them up with your online joint pic collection and yours and her txt conversations and you get alot of revelations after a few hours.

Turns out that wasn't just a girls night out.....
And she didn't actually bring her friend home that time...

Doubts you had but forgot about pop back into your head and you're fupping raging with yourself for thinking she wouldn't do it.

Ahh, my poor mind. Really need an off switch at the minute....you try and keep the show on the road but you can't.

OOOOOOOOOOOh, finding a pile of messages is not good.

Bandana boy

Morally bankrupt is pretty strong words
Reality is that people put different values on different aspects of a relationship ,some people can compartmentalize companionship and Sex.
This girl obviously valued your relationship and saw a future for the two of you but had a desire out side of that for another individual of a sexual nature.
In an ideal world everybody would find one person that fulfills both sides of this equation.
Cheating was wrong and she should have reconciled the fact of her needs with the damage to your relationship , this has obviously hurt you , but it does not mean that she did not value what you had or that she is evil or uncaring.

Estrellita

Bandana boy wrote: »

Morally bankrupt is pretty strong words
Reality is that people put different values on different aspects of a relationship ,some people can compartmentalize companionship and Sex.
This girl obviously valued your relationship and saw a future for the two of you but had a desire out side of that for another individual of a sexual nature.
In an ideal world everybody would find one person that fulfills both sides of this equation.
Cheating was wrong and she should have reconciled the fact of her needs with the damage to your relationship , this has obviously hurt you , but it does not mean that she did not value what you had or that she is evil or uncaring.

Good God. I have never ever heard anyone so calmly excuse cheating within a relationship. If one of these so-called 'compartments' in the relationship isn't satisfied in your eyes, you end the relationship. If you don't you stand to really hurt your OH, and leave them afraid to trust again. This is exactly what she did. If you value someone, you do not hurt them.

Morally bankrupt is the least that cheating is. It shows complete lack of respect for the person you have been with. ONS's are terrible in my view, but imagine repeating the process over the course of a year or more. It's okay because part of your relationship is not being fulfilled?!

No way. At least give your other half the choice of staying or leaving. Keeping your OH on and seeing someone else is selfish, and the lies that come with it to make a bigger fool out of you.

OP, the person you thought you were with was simply an illusion that she let you believe in. If you don't have honesty and loyalty in a relationship, you have nothing at all.

Get back to going out with your mates. It still hurts, but as the saying goes, it takes time. Give yourself at least a few months to start to feel like you again, and avoid contact with her. She may try weadle her way back in with you because she will see what she's lost in you. But don't let her make a mug out of you, she doesn't get you back. She will have to suck it up and learn from her mistakes.

It would also be wise for you to get tested for STD's, she doesn't exactly make good choices in her life.

Bandana boy

Estrellita wrote: »

Good God. I have never ever heard anyone so calmly excuse cheating within a relationship.

I am not excusing it , I am explaining it , good people do bad things all the time .Cheating is wrong ,not arguing that but it does not mean that the entire relationship was a lie or that it meant nothing. It is quite plausible that this women still wants op as her partner and values her relationship with him .

Estrellita

Bandana boy wrote: »

Cheating is wrong ,not arguing that but it does not mean that the entire relationship was a lie or that it meant nothing.

You see, this makes zero sense to me. If you debated that with me after a ONS, then I'd say each to their own and leave it be. But do you truly believe that after a whole year? It's a sustained deception and cruelty to someone who doesn't deserve it. And worse still, that loves you and trusts you.

It is quite plausible that this women still wants op as her partner and values her relationship with him .

What relationship? He didn't have the exclusive relationship he thought he had with her. He was sharing her with some other guy.

If he misses her it's because he misses the life he thought he had with her. Someone he thought loved him alone, came home to him etc. It takes a particularly nasty piece of work to live a double life like that. If he decides to let this fly and take her back on then he will have to deal with the day in day out suspicions about where she is, because she's a liar as well as a cheat. For a lot of people what she did would be a red card, no questions about it.

You are particularly relaxed about the issue, which is extraordinary. I wouldn't be prepared to forgive such a long drawn out deception as you seem to be.

Bandana boy

Estrellita wrote: »

For a lot of people what she did would be a red card, no questions about it.

You are particularly relaxed about the issue, which is extraordinary. I wouldn't be prepared to forgive such a long drawn out deception as you seem to be.

In fairness , it would be a red card for me too , I am not sure I could get past the trust issues.
I just know that having an affair does not make people morally bankrupt , or mean that the entire time she put no value in the relationship or the OP.
Having an affair does not mean you don't love the first party.

The majority of the time people are stupid and/or selfish not evil or cruel.
What did they think it would do to there partner, people ask , simply they thought they would never find out.

professore

Bandana boy wrote: »

In fairness , it would be a red card for me too , I am not sure I could get past the trust issues.
I just know that having an affair does not make people morally bankrupt , or mean that the entire time she put no value in the relationship or the OP.
Having an affair does not mean you don't love the first party.

The majority of the time people are stupid and/or selfish not evil or cruel.
What did they think it would do to there partner, people ask , simply they thought they would never find out.

Pffft .... the kind of people who say "I'm not a monster so therefore there is some reason XYZ to justify my behaviour" Newsflash: you are a monster.