Friend and work issues

Lokie

Hi all, I,ll try to keep this short. My best friend for 16 years, works in same place I do. We are both 35 +, our workplace is not very professional or PC, I.e. Long, frequent smoke breaks, etc. Boss gossiping about other people & not man enough to tell them if they have done wrong.

A couple of years ago, she needed a job desperately, so I spoke to my boss and she started working with me. We work in same building, but not same office/company, however, we have the same boss. Things between her and the boss is getting too cozy (crazy inappropriate in my opinion) for her, (he is handsy) which she tells me all about, and she gives out about him, A LOT! She gives out about everybody and looks for mistakes that the other girl in her office has made, and then finds a (sneaky) way to show our boss. They gossip about everything and everyone. The other girl in her office is lovely, albeit a bit lazy and disorganised. But they also do not work for the same company, but for same boss, so the other girl's mistakes and shortcomings is none of her business.

My friend often has blowouts with the boss and screams at him (second hand info from her) and she had a fallout with other staff members on separate occasions, and then they don't speak to each other for ages. The most recent time was early Sept, and they are only really speaking to each other this week again. I always go on smoke breaks with her, and all she does is whinge about other people and work issues, the other day when she was not speaking to her colleague, she kept bitching about him, but saying that it doesn't bother her, I told her if it didn't bother her, she wouldn't talk about it non-stop for two weeks. She was so angry with me and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. The next morning, she rang me and asked if I am speaking to her again, I just ignored her comment and continued as normal.

I have discussed this with my husband, and you will probably say the same thing he did, he told me to try and avoid her and keep my nose clean, but I just can't seem to do that! She has a way of getting me to not avoid her, I don't know how to explain it. The following Monday I Have decided to take his advice and went up to their office to scan a document, while I was there, she was asking me what I was scanning and I told her it is employee documents, so I can't discuss, she then started whinging about her employee file and wanted to show me, I said I don't want to see it and don't have time to be looking at it. The rest of the day, I have successfully avoided her. The next morning she called me to see if I was going for a smoke and wether I was still in a mood, just ignored her, as I was not in a mood, all I did was cut her whinging short. I have never been moody at work, no matter what. Sure, everybody gets angry, but never,ever have I taken it out on anybody. But then I just fell into the normal routine again.

This week, the boss told me to look deeper into something that friend, him & I have discussed last week, as he feels it could be cheaper. I told her, knowing him, if he is already complaining about this contractor for my company, he will most likely not allow her to use the contractor for her company. Later, her, boss & I were smoking, she confronted him and asked him, why does he not want her to get this contractor, He said he did not say no, he just wants to figure out exactly what contractor is doing and wants me to get quotation reduced, she was asking him why he wants me involved in her company (I was looking after all the companies, until it was too busy for me to handle, so was there when this company was bought, way before her time). I told her that she misunderstood, and that I don't want to be involved in her work! I was pissed off, as I was just telling her that he might not want to, and not that he said no! Anyway, I didn't let on that I was pissed off, just went on and called contractor. I got the quotation and had a long conversation with contractor about brief, he gave a list of stuff that he would require. So I went up to her office, went through the purchase agreement folders, got together whatever I could, normally if I am in her office, there would be chatting, etc, but she just ignored me flat out. When I told her what contractor said, she barely acknowledged me, so just finished gathering the docs and gave it to her. When I got back to my office, I forwarded the quotation to her, and she didn't acknowledge it, nor did she speak to me again. This morning, she as acting normal again.

I don't know why I always try to help, but she keeps whinging about everything and points out mistakes to boss, but she never sorts anything out, just whinges about it. Which drives me insane, then I try to step in to get it sorted, at first, she would act like she is listening to my advice, but just continue her whinging without doing anything. This is her first real job and I have many years of experience, however, when we do disagree on something, she is always right. I am just sick of her crap, but we are friends for so long, being rude and avoiding her is just not in my nature. I am too soft & forgiving, but I am just fed up of her trying to stab other people in the back at work (and I always thought she would never do it to me, but now I am not so sure). I have tried warning her and told her that I don't trust boss and wouldn't tell him about other people, but she is not listening. She is my best friend and I love her, I don't have the balls or the words to tell her I am fed up, so I don't know what to do. I don't want to work with her anymore, it is ruining our friendship. I can't leave and I know she won't leave

Advice please

Paddy Cow

You all need to start acting professionally and setting boundaries. You seem all over the place with her. Why on earth did you tell her that your boss asked you to look at the contractor??? That was both unprofessional and sh!t stirring. You shouldn't have undermined your boss like that. At the same time, you say you were trying to avoid her but you spilled info that you shouldn't. It's like throwing oil on the fire.

I want to have sympathy for you - you went out on a limb and got your friend a job and now she is starting all sorts of trouble but you are adding to this trouble and it doesn't reflect well on you.

She is not going to leave so either you keep your distance or look for another job. There is no easy solution here. The way she acts at work is toxic. She has fallen out with so any people and all these people see you going for smoke breaks with her and you will get tarnished with her brush.

As much as you love her as a friend (I would wonder why?), she is going to drag you down with her. Stop passing on information to her from the boss or others. Let her sink or swim on her own. If you don't, you will have no one else to blame but yourself when you find yourself in a big mess.