Help forgetting her

LegacyUser

Long story short. I'm M and 38YO

Have known a lovely girl for nearly 3 years now. Met her through mutual friends. Initial reaction was "Wow, shes cute"
Over that time I've met up with her about 7 or 8 times and only through mutual friends. We got on well, although I suspected her BF was interested in me.

Realized 2 years ago that I was interested in her. I felt like I was hit with a truck! It really was sudden and there were some sleepless nights over her too.

On the 4th mutual friends event I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me. Had texted her a few times. She would never initiate a text conversation.

Anyway I literally bumped into her one weekday morning, was a bit surprised as I had not seen her in a while. We chatted for a few mins and later I thought it would be an opportunity to ask her out. Called her around lunchtime, it went to voicemail. Left a voice message asking would she like to meet up for a drink.

She texts me back after 6pm with no mention of my voice message and continues on texting about our conversation from earlier. Now maybe I messed up somewhere with her but, whats done is done.

I took her non-response as a "No" and thought to myself. "At least I know now" Put her in the Cute but not interested column and find another girl.

But thats the problem. I cant stop thinking of her. Its been over 6 months and she still enters my thoughts. I've gotten over girls that I have had real relationships quicker than this. I would say a big reason for this is that I am not really interested in any other girl at the moment.

I'm doing the usual, keeping myself busy with the Gym, hobbies, studying, reading and meeting up with friends. I have my own place and live alone so there are little distractions when I'm home and my mind wanders to thoughts of her. I feel angry with myself when that happens.

Any out of the box thinking for forgetting someone would be very appreciated. Thanks for your time.

davmol

I learned a long time ago that life is not for pussy footing around.

Theres a good chance she didn't get the message for whatever reason.

Better to have tried and failed than to live life with 'what ifs'.

Get onto her and straight out ask her.If shes says no,i think you will get closure and that will speed the whole thing along quicker.

MissFlitworth

I almost never listen to my voicemails, I'm more of a call back or text person. Rarely get them and assume if someone has called me they'll mention what it is they were after the next time I talk to them. Definitely agree with asking her first before you try forget about her

Magicmatilda

I also never listen to voicemails. Usually I will just call the person back or text them.

I may then delete them without even listening as I will assume that the person who left the message would have told me whatever they wanted to say in our subsequent conversation.

I would find it very odd if she had got the message and continued contact but completely ignore the message. Surely if she got the message and didn't want to go out, she wouldn't have contacted you by text.

Ask her if she got the message that day.

Yellow pack crisps

What do you mean her Bf was interested in you? It is all very ambiguous. Does she have a BF?

Hopeless romantic2016

Yellow pack crisps wrote: »

What do you mean her Bf was interested in you? It is all very ambiguous. Does she have a BF?

I think that's best friend and not boyfriend ?

Also I never listen to my voice mails it's actually a pet peeve of mine I have friends who will leave me voice mails just to tick me off!

I would ask her straight out! Nothing ventured- nothing gained

Yellow pack crisps

I took her non-response as a "No" and thought to myself. "At least I know now" Put her in the Cute but not interested column and find another girl.

Never take a non response for anything but what it is. She did sound interested and as you did not in fact ask her out then you were not rejected. Just call her up and ask her out. I will also say i very rarely listen to voice messages. I just ring back the person.

chuckles30

I do listen to my voicemails, but I no longer leave voicemails for people or if I do, I always confirm they've got them. As the majority here have said, the majority of people I know no longer listen to them. I'd safely say she never got your message as she would surely have mentioned it...

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks to everyone that has contributed. It really is appreciated.
And its nice to see you guys trying to help a "potential" relationship :-)

Faith in Humanity - Level up


I'll just clear up some of the story.

BF is a typo, it refers to her BFF - Best friend forever. Her lifelong bestie. Who I suspected was interested in me.

I'm almost 100% sure she listened to her voicemail as her text replies mentioned something that was only said in the voicemail. Sorry if I cant be any clearer, I want to keep it somewhat vague so to reduce identifying comments. It really was like she ignored the date request part.

There seems to be a consensus that I should ask her out again. I do not want to do that, as I would never ask any girl for a date twice.
My reasoning being, is that I respect their decision and I don't want to be a guy who cant accept a "No" from a girl.

I know she did not say No outright, perhaps that is what is stopping me forgetting about her, keeping my subconscious in a sort of limbo.

Maybe she wanted to be chased or something, or she just was being hard to get, but I would like to think that a 35 YO female would be past those sort of things by now.

But she never said yes. Maybe I messed up somehow, actually I probably did mess it up. Whats done is done and I cant change that.