HowToEscape

Alex2798

I am 18 years old, I'll try to summarise my issue so it won't be too long for you's to read.
I need advice so basically I'm having issues with my dad, he is sometimes physically abusive toward my siblings and me but hasn't hurt me in a little over a year now, he has a gambling problem spends all his wages from work into a slot machine and constantly demanding money from me when he spends all his, for the past 3 or 4 years since my mam died he has been communicating with these Vietnam women and spends a good bit of money at least twice a year so far on going over there last time he went over there was back in July for a month and I had to take care of them, I am in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend but the problem is my dad owes him 160€ and it is effecting our relationship not just that but my boyfriend thinks I am Stockholm syndrome from years of physical and emotional abuse i sustained from my dad, it is difficult for me to stand up to him cause I am afraid what he will do to me and now my relationship is on the brink of breaking up. My boyfriend and I came up with a plan last night to see if he thinks he still can control me by saying my boyfriend and I are planning to move out in the same town I live in now and my dad answered back saying no because we aren't married and that when his girlfriend comes over to Ireland who will take care of your siblings all the time he completely thinks I am under his control and in reality the minute me and my boyfriend have the chance to move out we are. I have no idea what to do I am constantly afraid of telling my dad anything and yesterday I got into a mini car accident over him on his phone while he was driving and he completely blamed it on me, I developed anxiety issues this month over the way he's been treating me please I need advice on what to do

daisybelle2008

You do not need his permission to move out, you are 18. If you post is accurate, it is potentially serious abuse of minors, that is assuming your siblings are younger than you, physical violence on children is illegal. His parenting skills need to be reviewed and a case opened for your siblings. Tell Tusla the history of violence, neglect, emotional abuse, gambling and taking money. You really don’t need to facilitate him, help is available. Website is ww.tusla.ie I don’t know all the authoritative bodies that are required in your situation, but start with tusla and the guards

Airyfairy12

Have you any other family members you could speak to? Maybe an aunt/uncle or grandparent?maybe a family member can help out? or can you speak to a friends parents about what's going on? they might be able to provide support, you and your siblings need to get away from your father, its very unhealthy to be around him.
I had a very controlling mother and I know how hard that can be, trying to have your independence and trying to make your own decisions while living with someone who genuinely believes that they own you is extremely difficult, they'll use guilt trips, manipulation and bullying to keep themselves in a position of power and control but really ultimately he can only control you if you allow him to. Can your boyfriends family help out? can you stay with them until you get sorted? Id also advise contacting social services for your younger siblings. xx