How to help?

LegacyUser

So I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend of 4 years. We have only been LD for a few months and all was going well. An event occurred in his work and ever since (about 2 weeks) he has been feeling down, barely talking to me or his family and has been drinking more. We went from speaking every day to no contact for days.

When we do talk he gets very defensive, even though he recently admitted he has been drinking more. I can't travel to see him due to work, and same with him, even though it feels like he doesn't want to see me, for fear of lashing out at me (nothing physical!).

The drinking even saw him being sent home from work. He's always liked a drink, but this is really out of character. He says he's just at a low point and drinking doesn't give him a good or bad feeling. He says he wants to be alone, and I have respected that and kept my distance but then I feel the need to text just to see how he is. With him being so far away, I can't see what is going on. We always said we'd keep in contact, and would talk on the phone numerous times a day. He is seeing a counsellor through work. He will hopefully be traveling here in a week or two and I just want things to go back to normal. My question is how do I approach this? I want to do all I can to help as I do love him, but I've never experienced this side of him before.

Sorry for the long winded post, any help is appreciated.

iwassostupid

why would you want to be with someone like that? He is scared he will verbally attack you, which may lead to physical abuse. He is being sent home from work for drinking and not speaking to you as much. He needs a rude awaking, not a care giver. Tell him until he sorts himself out you are done.

LegacyUser

iwassostupid wrote: »

why would you want to be with someone like that? He is scared he will verbally attack you, which may lead to physical abuse. He is being sent home from work for drinking and not speaking to you as much. He needs a rude awaking, not a care giver. Tell him until he sorts himself out you are done.

Based on the information so far, this would be jumping the gun at best.

OP, without knowing what the event was which triggered the drinking and without knowing what supports he has around him, it would seem to me that his current behaviour could be a reaction to finding himself in a long distance relationship rather than some single event. Is the LD situation temporary? Who moved? Did the move come about for practical reasons like work or study, or did one of you want to move home or somewhere else and the relationship wasn't enough to keep you both in the same place?

LegacyUser

OP here. He moved there for work.

Found out he has actually started a new relationship with someone else there. So not only was he lying to me by saying he loved me and we were OK, he started carrying on with someone else for 2 weeks and didn't have the balls to say a word to me. He also flaunted it on a different fb profile which he blocked me from seeing. Sickened to say the least.

This was the person I thought I'd marry and have a family with. Lucky escape I know but the wounds are still raw.

Thank you for your responses