Rural isolation

LegacyUser

Hi, I dont know why im posting here really, im feeling very down and stuck in a rut..ive no self esteem and feeling stuck in my situation, I grew up in the countryside on the outskirts of a small town, my mother was very bossy and controlling so I was rarely allowed to socialise outside of school and because of this I never had many friends growing up, in the Summer holidays id spend weeks alone in my room watching TV, I have no friends here, I always had difficulty making friends and any friendships I did have fizzled out because I could never stick to plans to meet up because it was so hard to get lifts into town, trying to get out of the house caused arguments with my mother so I missed out allot.
I was never able to fully move out of home because rent is so high, after college I moved back home hoping to get a job to save up but theres no jobs in this little town, I hardly know anybody and I cant commute because I cant get into town in the mornings for buses or trains, theres no public transport where I live and learning to drive and getting a car with insurance is too expensive, no one will help by teaching me how to drive, ive been asking family members for years but theyre not helpful, taxis cost 20 euro each way. I pay rent at home, do my own shopping and try to save what I have left over but its not enough. Im quiet and have social anxiety, I dont have a sparkling personality so connecting with others is very difficult for me and ive been bullied through out my life.
Time is slipping by and although ive tried to fix my situation nothing works out, im getting older and I see no way out of this.

Ursus Horribilis

OP are you working at all? It's not clear from your post. I think your first priority should be to move out of home if you can at all. What sort of accommodation did you price? Would you be open to a house share?

gussieg

Guest9786 wrote: »

Hi, I dont know why im posting here really, im feeling very down and stuck in a rut..ive no self esteem and feeling stuck in my situation, I grew up in the countryside on the outskirts of a small town, my mother was very bossy and controlling so I was rarely allowed to socialise outside of school and because of this I never had many friends growing up, in the Summer holidays id spend weeks alone in my room watching TV, I have no friends here, I always had difficulty making friends and any friendships I did have fizzled out because I could never stick to plans to meet up because it was so hard to get lifts into town, trying to get out of the house caused arguments with my mother so I missed out allot.
I was never able to fully move out of home because rent is so high, after college I moved back home hoping to get a job to save up but theres no jobs in this little town, I hardly know anybody and I cant commute because I cant get into town in the mornings for buses or trains, theres no public transport where I live and learning to drive and getting a car with insurance is too expensive, no one will help by teaching me how to drive, ive been asking family members for years but theyre not helpful, taxis cost 20 euro each way. I pay rent at home, do my own shopping and try to save what I have left over but its not enough. Im quiet and have social anxiety, I dont have a sparkling personality so connecting with others is very difficult for me and ive been bullied through out my life.
Time is slipping by and although ive tried to fix my situation nothing works out, im getting older and I see no way out of this.

owww. must be painful. but its good youre reaching out. theres a lot of us out there with the overbearing mammys, a friend of mine and i swapped homes when we were younger as it was much easier living with different mammies, as they didnt dare be as mean to us as when we were at home.
when you say time is slipping away , what age are you now? 50? 40? 30? when youre ready to start making this your life , not just a reaction to whats going on or who says what, it doesnt matter what age you are. Youll just Go For It.
I live in the countryide after having spent over 20 years in and around London, and that place can be just as lonely as here, everywhere you go, there you are.
When you find it challenging to socialise , finding a group of likeminded people really helps.
i found a creative writing group in the local library weekly, brilliant, and a few girls started up a womens group, there was an art class in another town, and i volunteered in a charity shop. through this i made some very sound friends, and got out of my self defeating negative headspace, which comes on all too easily when i spend too much time alone.
Try to see yourself as the brave survivor you are. Writing about your experience could really help, and may well help others.
you have alot to offer and a lot to learn yet, like us all, full of potential.
keep sharing and keep writing, there are a lots of us out here .
Good on you.

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

OP are you working at all? It's not clear from your post. I think your first priority should be to move out of home if you can at all. What sort of accommodation did you price? Would you be open to a house share?

Im not working, I cant find employment, I send CV's every week, I tailor them to jobs and include cover letters, I apply everywhere, im not picky but everywhere wants like 2 years experience. I know I need to move out but the rent is so high, I could scrape by but id just be more broke than I already am so I dont feel like my situation would change much because i wouldnt have money to do anything/save or commute because it would all go on rent and bills. My first priority is finding a job so that way I can move out. I would house share.

LegacyUser

gussieg wrote: »

owww. must be painful. but its good youre reaching out. theres a lot of us out there with the overbearing mammys, a friend of mine and i swapped homes when we were younger as it was much easier living with different mammies, as they didnt dare be as mean to us as when we were at home.
when you say time is slipping away , what age are you now? 50? 40? 30? when youre ready to start making this your life , not just a reaction to whats going on or who says what, it doesnt matter what age you are. Youll just Go For It.
I live in the countryide after having spent over 20 years in and around London, and that place can be just as lonely as here, everywhere you go, there you are.
When you find it challenging to socialise , finding a group of likeminded people really helps.
i found a creative writing group in the local library weekly, brilliant, and a few girls started up a womens group, there was an art class in another town, and i volunteered in a charity shop. through this i made some very sound friends, and got out of my self defeating negative headspace, which comes on all too easily when i spend too much time alone.
Try to see yourself as the brave survivor you are. Writing about your experience could really help, and may well help others.
you have alot to offer and a lot to learn yet, like us all, full of potential.
keep sharing and keep writing, there are a lots of us out here .
Good on you.

This was really helpful, I think im over thinking from being so isolated, it really does create a negative headspace. Your comment really helped me to snap out of it and those are some good tips, thanks gussieg, xx

silverbolt

Guest9786 wrote: »

Im not working, I cant find employment, I send CV's every week, I tailor them to jobs and include cover letters, I apply everywhere, im not picky but everywhere wants like 2 years experience. I know I need to move out but the rent is so high, I could scrape by but id just be more broke than I already am so I dont feel like my situation would change much because i wouldnt have money to do anything/save or commute because it would all go on rent and bills. My first priority is finding a job so that way I can move out. I would house share.

Youd be surprised by how much your outlook can improve just by having your own place. Especially if you live in a somewhat toxic enviroment.

Im in somewhat the same boat as you. I live in the back as end of nowhere by a back ass end of nowhere small town with very little going on if youre not a farmer or GAA. And I'm bored bored bored.

Look to get out fo there OP. Do you have friends whos live in other cities, Dublin, Galway Cork etc? see if you can pack your bags and leave

Buona Fortuna

Some good advice above OP.

All I'd say is try and break your problems down rather than letting them all feed into each other.

Make a list. Sort out what's important and tackle the most important. If its accomodation have you considered sharing with another? Have a look at cards in windows for people looking for a lodger or another to share.

Maybe look at getting on one of the TUS schemes or if that fails look at volunteering just to get out, do something and meet people.

All the best.