marriage advice

LegacyUser

I think I need to leave my husband. I am so emotionally drained and I am sick of crying.

He won't even look at me, looks straight through me. Angers for no reason and swears and raises his voice, not exactly shouting but obviously angry. I can't speak to him about anything or he cuts me off, speaks over me. He will walk out of a room while I'm mid sentence, even if just having a normal conversation. I don't want to cry or argue in front of the baby anymore (2 years old). We can't talk, he just won't. If I try talk to him at all he lists all the great things he does for me. He can do a million good things, but I miss living with someone who smiles when they see me, will tell me he loves me or plans to do things with me. He acts as if he hates me, the "nice things" are day to day living things such as buying groceries or bringing me a bowl of cereal.

I realise he sounds deeply unhappy but he won't get help, won't speak to me and won't accept that things need to improve. At this stage I'm just so sick of it all I feel like I don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm heartbroken.

ManOfMystery

There's no single recommended way to fix a marriage or a messy relationship. Every situation is unique and every situation takes a different approach. Sometimes he best way to fix some problem in a marriage is for both people to sit down and talk amicably about the problem and how to resolve it, work out their differences and maybe attend counselling if need be. And that's not to say it always works.

Other times, and some may disagree with me, I think shock tactics are needed. When someone is behaving badly and refuses to communicate or engage with you, then your options are limited. And I think in that situation, that person needs a short sharp jolt to remind them that their behaviour isn't without consequence and can't go on forever.

What will that jolt be? It could be you moving out, it could be you ending things, it could a relationship break to see if he can get his head sorted out. Do you have family or friends you could stay with for a while? Do you work, have savings? Is moving out an option, even on a short-term basis?

Maybe your husband is depressed, maybe he has something bothering him - but he's an adult and has to want to help himself. Cutting you off or walking out every time you speak will solve absolutely nothing. It's also a very bad situation for your child to be round, especially when they're at a very impressionable age and will begin to think this pattern of behaviour between mummy and daddy is normal.

Ms Doubtfire1

What a horrible situation. As prior poster said, if normal approach and tries to make conversation are simply ignored, a shock tactic is needed. I understand the problem is the little one, so maybe it would be helpful for you to write it all down in a letter/email (if you do email make sure it has a read receipt)and send it to him? I also often found that when writing it all down and getting things clear in my mind it gives me a bit of a distance and lets me decide better on what i want to do.One thing is sure, something needs to happen as this is no situation to be in for you or the little one.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear you're going through this, it sounds truly awful. Do you have any inkling where this anger/unhappiness is stemming from? Not that there's any excuse for such behaviour, just wondering has there been a complete shut down from him out of nowhere, a gradual thing or what did an event/issue spark it?
It sounds like he wants to leave, he hasn't the emotional maturity, sense of responsibility or decency at this time to resolve conflicts, he just doesn't 'feel' like it so won't do it, so he just wants out. So by avoiding any communication which will lead to understanding and working things out, you are left with the decision to end things. He knows he will feel too guilty to do it himself knowing he would be leaving you and your 2 year old. You have tried to talk many time and he's not having it. The only thing left as far as communication is to maybe write a letter detailing how heartbroken you are and how you just don't understand why he is treating you so badly. If you want to do that but it sound like he wouldn't even be interested in reading it. So either way you can only tell him this situation is completely unsustainable and unhealthy particularly for the child and he needs to go.

piglet74

Your husband might be depressed, but is there any chance that he's cheating on you, seeing someone else?

I hope I'm wrong, but I'm speaking from experience, and I can see some red flags there.