Hen's - relinquishing control!

SpillingTheTea

Right, I am not getting married until 2018 so I know this wont be an issue for a while, but I was just wondering if any of you ladies had a problem with relinquishing the control when it came to the hens?
See my issue is, I don't drink. I have no problem whatsoever with everyone else drinking, it just isn't for me. My MOH asked me over the weekend what I would like to do because she know's that I don't drink and wants it to be fun enough for me, but my mam, aunts and other BM's butt in and got the hump because they all want a boozy weekend away.
I don't mind going to pubs etc but now that this isn't in my control, I just feel like it's going to be a weekend full of drinking. I know I sound like a princess about it and honestly usually I don't care because I do go out all the time, I just don't drink when I am out. I just want this weekend to be relaxing.
The thing is, I've not been one of those brides that has all her bridal party do everything either.

(Bridezilla maybe??)

SarahMollie

SpillingTheTea wrote: »

Right, I am not getting married until 2018 so I know this wont be an issue for a while, but I was just wondering if any of you ladies had a problem with relinquishing the control when it came to the hens?
See my issue is, I don't drink. I have no problem whatsoever with everyone else drinking, it just isn't for me. My MOH asked me over the weekend what I would like to do because she know's that I don't drink and wants it to be fun enough for me, but my mam, aunts and other BM's butt in and got the hump because they all want a boozy weekend away.
I don't mind going to pubs etc but now that this isn't in my control, I just feel like it's going to be a weekend full of drinking. I know I sound like a princess about it and honestly usually I don't care because I do go out all the time, I just don't drink when I am out. I just want this weekend to be relaxing.
The thing is, I've not been one of those brides that has all her bridal party do everything either.

(Bridezilla maybe??)

Have you picked your bridesmaids already? Chances are they know you well enough not to do something you'd hate.

I'm a BM next year and the Bride constantly jokes that she chose the 4 of us (partly) because she knew none of us would be into a tacky hen ourselves, so therefore wouldn't organise one for her!

Also, we're letting her give us input wherever she wants really. Like for example, she said "oh its all up to you girls, do whatever" but in the same breath shes like "oh well, I'd want it to be for two nights"...... so she's a bit of a backseat driver

Shybride2016

Hiya,

First of all, it's your hen so what you want to do goes! That's not being a Bridezilla at all. Why would someone organise something that's meant to be for you but you hate it?

Have you any idea what you'd like to do for your hen yet? When it came to organising mine, my MOH asked me what I'd like and she planned it from there.

If you're not a drinker would you do a spa day or afternoon tea and those who want a drink can have one but it's not taking up the whole day? As it happened at mine three people out of the 6 of us werent drinking as they were on antibiotics so we ended up just going for a few drinks after the show we went to after dinner.

Are there many going to be invited to the hen? In my experience the more people there are the harder it is to keep everyone together all the time so that would influence my decision as to what I wanted to do.

SpillingTheTea

Thanks for the replies girls! I have picked my BM's as they are my sisters and my best friend as my MOH and it's funny how my family are they ones that are pushing it haha

To answer both of you, I spoke to my MOH and said that I would like to do a spa weekend type thing as it is something we all could enjoy. I reckon there will be a good amount of my aunts and few friends coming along too so there probably will be a good few. I heard my mam and my sisters chatting about it when they thought I couldn't hear about wanting to go away as a surprise which is totally not what I want. (without going all Mumsnet haha) Am I being unreasonable or is the Hen's just not about me and more about everyone else?

Maybe my best bet is not to listen to them haha and actually just let my MOH just deal with it (which makes me feel REALLY bad!) I suppose there is no right or wrong answer.

SarahMollie

One thing for sure is that in every aspect of planning a wedding, you won't be short of people with opinions.

Just tell your MOH what you want and ask her not to listen to suggestions that arent in line with that.

Cakerbaker

A friend of mine doesn't drink and we did a murder mystery night for her hen. We had dinner first and it was in a hotel so we could all have a few drinks as we wanted but drinking wasn't the aim of the night if that makes sense! It was a good laugh, a lot better than I had expected it to be!

SpillingTheTea

Thanks girls! I will just speak to my MOH and tell her what I want! I never realised how difficult it is keeping everyone happy until I started planning the wedding!
Caker, that murder mystery sounds like a laugh! I must pass that idea on!!

mcgiggles

At the end of the day it is your hen, you are the one getting married, your wishes should be respected your aunts/ family can have a boozy weekend any other weekend... or for one of their hens!

Shybride2016

SpillingTheTea wrote: »

Thanks for the replies girls! I have picked my BM's as they are my sisters and my best friend as my MOH and it's funny how my family are they ones that are pushing it haha

To answer both of you, I spoke to my MOH and said that I would like to do a spa weekend type thing as it is something we all could enjoy. I reckon there will be a good amount of my aunts and few friends coming along too so there probably will be a good few. I heard my mam and my sisters chatting about it when they thought I couldn't hear about wanting to go away as a surprise which is totally not what I want. (without going all Mumsnet haha) Am I being unreasonable or is the Hen's just not about me and more about everyone else?

Maybe my best bet is not to listen to them haha and actually just let my MOH just deal with it (which makes me feel REALLY bad!) I suppose there is no right or wrong answer.

I think there's a balance between being "all about you" and "all about the others" tbh. Is your MOH the main organiser of your Hen? If so, I would chat to her separately and tell her exactly what you'd like to do for your Hen and that you've heard your family chatting about a boozy weekend which you definitely don't want.

Alternatively, when the Hen is brought up just keep tight-lipped about the arrangements until you and your bridal party have decided on the details, dates, locations, etc. People can then choose whether or not they want to come.

Personally I would've been annoyed if something was arranged for my Hen that people, especially my MOH, would have known I'd hate.

I never get time away and for me it's such a hassle to organise everything so I can get away so I would be upset if it was for something meant for me but not what I would enjoy.

It sounds like it's a long time away yet so you've plenty of time to look at your options and discuss with your bridal party anyway.

SpillingTheTea

Yeah, my MOH said she wanted to be the organiser of the Hens so I said go for it. I do honestly think that she will do something that I like, but I know that she is easily swayed and my mam and sisters are very (politely) pushy.

I think it is definitely something that I just have to maybe speak to them about. As Mcgiggles said, they can booze up any other weekend. I mean god knows how many Hen's I've been too and I've got on with it. I just want something different for myself.

freshpopcorn

My advice to you is to try and organise a small hen party with exactly what you want to do(within reason) and invite who you want. If it rubs people up just say they have the wedding to look forward to and you didn't want a fuss!

SpillingTheTea

That sounds like a really good idea

jellybear

I also don't drink and have picked out exactly where I want to go for ny hen as they do a great girls pamper package type thing so my sister and only BM was more than happy I was choosing what I wanted. She can organise games etc or whatever else but I wanted to organise the main part. It's your wedding, your hen- do what you want and more than likely everyone will have a great time regardless!☺

Gatica

It's your wedding, your hen, your preferences... If your family doesn't like, that's their problem. They should really be trying to make it fun and special for you, that's the point.

As suggested, spa day, play/musical, murder mystery and dinner out are all great ideas and if people wanna stay out after drinking themselves silly you can leave them at it.
We went on a murder mystery hen in Foxford before, organised through a B&B with dinner and murder mystery at Pontoon hotel. The nice thing is that we had pretty much free run of the B&B after we got back. There was a karaoke machine and girls stayed up late making cocktails and the like. It suited well as anyone not wanting to stay up could head to bed, or drink little without it being a club/pub.
We did a spa day away for mine and stayed in cottages. We arranged our own fun, there were cocktails and some games organised. There were drinks but it didn't revolve around getting drunk.

There are many ways you can let them have their drink without it ruining your hen. However, if all they want is tacky clubbing, then that's their problem. Hope your MOH can organise this without giving into demands that would ruin it for you. Also, not all hens involve family, so you could just leave them out :P

Cakerbaker

Gatica wrote: »

It's your wedding, your hen, your preferences... If your family doesn't like, that's their problem. They should really be trying to make it fun and special for you, that's the point.

As suggested, spa day, play/musical, murder mystery and dinner out are all great ideas and if people wanna stay out after drinking themselves silly you can leave them at it.
We went on a murder mystery hen in Foxford before, organised through a B&B with dinner and murder mystery at Pontoon hotel. The nice thing is that we had pretty much free run of the B&B after we got back. There was a karaoke machine and girls stayed up late making cocktails and the like. It suited well as anyone not wanting to stay up could head to bed, or drink little without it being a club/pub.
We did a spa day away for mine and stayed in cottages. We arranged our own fun, there were cocktails and some games organised. There were drinks but it didn't revolve around getting drunk.

There are many ways you can let them have their drink without it ruining your hen. However, if all they want is tacky clubbing, then that's their problem. Hope your MOH can organise this without giving into demands that would ruin it for you. Also, not all hens involve family, so you could just leave them out :P

That's where we did the murder mustery too!!!

SpillingTheTea

I love your ideas ladies! Thanks for your reassurance

Mollyb60

Don't let anyone (especially family!) push you into something you don't want to do. I know for a fact that my sisters/aunts etc would've LOVED an excuse to go on a boozy night out in Dublin or something for my hen but I 100% didn't want that sort of thing so I organised everything myself with my then-fiance.
I especially didn't want a 'hen' and 'stag' party as a lot of my best friends are guys and I hated the thought of leaving them out. So we had a N*A*S*H party (Not A Stag or Hen) at our house. Board games and a few drinks on Friday night. Then a nice meal and a few more drinks in a local pub on Saturday. Would've loved to do one of those 'escape the room' games with everyone but there was just too many of us. Lol. We had a great weekend.