Alone on Erasmus/in general

I'm almost 3 months into my erasmus and I'm really alone. I'll be here until Christmas, which I know isn't that long away really. I don't have a close family and I'm not homesick and don't have anyone at home to miss.

I thought that Erasmus would be my clean break to finally make some friends. (I also thought starting college in first year would be my clean break to make some friends.|) I've never had a best friend, or a group of friends, or a birthday party, even in primary school. Each time a year goes by I think about it more and more and it starts to hurt more (I'm 20 now). I'm not shy and have no problem talking to people, I can make a conversation with anyone but it just doesn't seem to go anywhere after that. In college and on Erasmus, I've joined the students union and some clubs (language, culture club, trampolining, music). People are nice, I've never been bullied growing up, I chat to people and we get on but then it just doesn't go anywhere. I'm wary of being too pushy, obviously friendships should 'just happen', not because I say so. I went to a lot of erasmus events and parties and night clubs but after going to so many of these on your own you just don't really want to anymore. I feel a bit sad getting ready on my own, going there on my own and having nobody to meet there.

I used to worry maybe people thought I was weird but lately I've been wondering if I'm actually just painfully average and ordinary, which is killing me. There's nothing special about me - I'm an average looking girl who does averagely in college and I don't have any special talents or hobbies. Nobody seems to think twice about me or remember me - I feel invisible. Lately I've been thinking too much about this and have started worrying about whether anyone will ever love me or if I'll be alone forever. I know, in the grand scheme of things, I am only 20, but 20 years feels like a very long time to be alone all the same.

I've gone travelling on my own while I was here (I did ask around to see if anyone was up for a trip but it never came to anything), I get out of bed every day, I go to my classes. I feel like I definitely get myself out there as much as I can without over doing it, I've just never met a person/people that I gel with..

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it. I went on Erasmus years ago and it can be a pretty lonely experience but maybe you're over-rating how happy/settled/together everyone else is. At that age I was really all over the shop, as were loads of my mates. I think people keep assuming everyone else knows what they are doing while we have to muddle through.

Making friends is a strange process but the only way to do it is to keep trying, to keep meeting people and keep going.

I promise you you're meeting people who are just as lonely as you, only you can't read their mind.

Good luck OP, hope things improve.

December2012

Why do you think you don't have any friends?

I wonder if you simply never learned how to make friends? It seems unusual to not have had a birthday party as a child.

December2012

December2012 wrote: »

Why do you think you don't have any friends?

I wonder if you simply never learned how to make friends? It seems unusual to not have had a birthday party as a child.

I don't think I ever did learn.
I grew up in a small place, once the first day of junior infants was done there were no more new people to meet or make friends with until I went to college. I guess it's something I could start to work on but I'm worried it's too late

Rubberchikken

Hi op
Its not too late to make friends. What are your interests? Societies are a great way to meet people.

Rubberchikken

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Hi op
Its not too late to make friends. What are your interests? Societies are a great way to meet people.

There are no clubs in my Erasmus uni, its really small. I joined the Erasmus Group and students union and go to the meetings. I have stopped going to the nights out and events recently because I just feel discouraged and feel awful standing their alone and eventually just leaving. I'll think I'll try get back into it though.

Ursus Horribilis

Deleted User wrote: »

There are no clubs in my Erasmus uni, its really small. I joined the Erasmus Group and students union and go to the meetings. I have stopped going to the nights out and events recently because I just feel discouraged and feel awful standing there alone and eventually just leaving. I'll think I'll try get back into it though.

At these nights out, have you ever tried to strike up conversations with people? General chitchat stuff such as how are you finding the course/uni/town/country? Also, if you appear to be interested in the other person and what they have to say, you're away on a hack. Most people love to talk about themselves so if you ask some questions that'll prompt more chatter, you could be on the way to making friendly acquaintances and maybe friends. Unfortunately, if you simply stand there and don't look happy, nobody's going to want to talk to you.

beauf

I don't agree that friendships just happen. You have to work at them. People often take a while to get comfortable with others. You need to invest time and effort into it. For some people that's harder than others.