Very confused - friend seems to be ignoring me

LegacyUser

So, ever since I've come back to college one of my friends is acting very strangely, I will call her A. She's being really distant and quite blunt when I attempt to say hello to her. I was good friends with this girl last year so it's very confusing. To add to the situation, in our friendship group is me, her and another girl who I am also really good friends with, who I will call B.

When B is in college, A will actively come over to both of us and engage in polite conversation with me (I initiate it first). However, if B is not in college, A will hang around with other people and will not come over to me even if I go over to her and say "hey, how are you?!" and smile. All of her replies are abrupt and short.

To give background - I didn't see either A or B over the summer. They live fairly close to each other so I know they met up with each other. Initially, me and A would message each other fairly frequently, however then A stopped messaging me suddenly (I'd message her and get a short reply) and no snapchats were responded to. Me and Girls A were fantastic friends last year. She used to commute from home and I live near college. She'd stay at my house once a week, she would ask me if she could stay and I obviously said it was fine as I didn't want to see her stuck and she was very grateful.

I've recently made good friends with a couple of other girls from our course and have been hanging out with them more and went on a night out with them. Yesterday I thought that perhaps A interpreted this as me being distant so I messaged her, asked her how she was and I apologise for seeming distant. She seemed really grateful to receive this text and thanked me for messaging her and we had a bit of chat. Nothing to convey that she was annoyed in the text.

However, this morning it seemed to back to usual - I came into class late and was packing up my stuff at the end, expecting her to come over to me. However, she just walked past me with a few others in my class and didn't acknowledge me.

I'm very confused and not sure how to deal with this. I would like to get the opportunity to talk to her about this face to face but I can never get her on her own. I can't tell Girl B as she'd be very close with A so I don't want to drag her into the middle of anything. I'm confused because I don't know what I've done really wrong. I'm also afraid that if I bring it up, A will go on the defensive (she is very defensive and sensitive) but I also would like to know what's wrong as I don't think she's a vindictive person. She was the nicest girl last year and a great friend.

This is getting to me (apologies for the long post) so I guess I'd like to know if anyone's been in the same position before or even any advice on how to approach this. Thanks!

Also, if it makes any difference - I am 21 and she is 23

Mr. Incognito

that's life- you fall out with friends unfortunately.

I'd probably just call her and ask her if she has a problem with you.

Katgurl

Hi,

This happened to me.

I decided to tackle it head on instead of letting it stew in my head.

I sent a message so she'd have a chance to mull it over. The message said

"Hi, I'm not sure if I'm imagining this but you seem a little off with me. Have I done something to upset you? If I have, please let me know becuase I definitely did not mean to. We used to be such good friends and I miss that."

It turned out to be a complete misunderstanding, I was actually gobsmacked what she was sulking about. I can't get too into the details but I'd shared something on facebook for a friend of mine, she saw it and thought it was a veiled dig at her.

Sadly my story didn't have a good outcome. We made up, she apologised and things were fine on the surface for a while but I couldn't get my head around it; firstly that she thought I'd be doing something bitchy and pathetic on facebook (not my style in a million years) and secondly that her response was to jump to conclusions and sulk. The next time she went off in a mood I just waved her off in my mind.

It does sound like something has happened between you and your friend that you are unaware of. I think it would put your mind at rest to at least attempt to get to the bottom of it. However her reaction sounds very immature and silly and I guess it's up to you if you want to risk going through this again with her.

Big Bag of Chips

So you were sending her messages and she either didn't reply or have short abrupt answers.. and then you end up apologising to her for being distant!

You're a soft touch. She knows you are and is now happy in herself believing that you are taking the blame for the frostiness in the friendship. Guaranteed if there's nobody else around she'll talk to you!

Sometimes friendships drift, and sometimes crowds you hang around with in college shift and change. You don't need this girl as a friend. If anything she needed you. Now that she doesn't need you, she's moved on.

Nothing more for you to do than move on now, and stop looking for attention from her. Say hi and be civil if you're ever in company together, but I wouldn't be going out and of my way to chat to her or anything.

LegacyUser

Hi BigBagOfChips. Yes I agree with you. I have been told before that I am a bit too nice. I ended up chatting to another friend (not and it turns out this girl has been blanking them too. In a way, maybe I should be grateful this happened as I'm never going to let anyone walk all over me. I regret apologising now but I guess I was just so eager to get to the bottom of it, I jumped in without thinking, believing she'd then offer an explanation. I'm wary of confronting her outright as she's very defensive and sensitive..I unfortunately can't see a good outcome to me confronting her. My other friend (A lad she was also very friendly with last year) is just going to take her behaviour with a pinch of salt. He said it's her loss. It's hard to not be hurt by it though as I never thought she would act like this in a million years

Big Bag of Chips

She's shown her colours now, and she will be one of those people who goes through life with new groups of friends every few months. Maybe there's something going on in her life, but it doesn't take much to respond to a text or say hi as you pass someone.

At least it's not just you, so now you can move on knowing it's not anything you've done.

Shint0

Leave her off, OP. Not worth the drama. The fact that you are the one racking your brains and struggling to think what you did wrong means you most likely did nothing wrong. She's 23 not 13. Don't waste energy on these type of people and their passive aggressive behaviour. Stick with the new group of friends and don't rely on just one group of friends in college. Try to form a wider circle through clubs and societies too so you get a more diverse experience of college through meeting different people with different interests and mindsets.

Aimeee

In my experience this happens a lot with girl groups. I think probably boys too but they take less notice or its not as obvious as there's usually an activity/sport to focus on.
Chalk it down to experience. Things may go back to how they were or they may not. Personally I would avoid any further discussion or confrontation about the situation. It will become bigger and last longer instead of just fading away. In a years time you could be best friends like this never happened.
You mention another group you are hanging around with now, focus on them to help you move on. Do not have big discussions about girlA, whatever you say cannot be unsaid. I've made this mistake and regret it to this day. Turned something small into a big thing that could've been avoided. I learned my lesson. Good luck.