How do I 'get out of my own head'?

LegacyUser

I'm 19, male and a virgin.
One thing I've noticed (being in first year of college) is that when I'm around girls, and some other people who I don't know I'm always in my own head. Here's an example.

I was in a nightclub awhile ago. I was with a girl, we found a quiet closed off area so we went up and sat on the couches. We were there enjoying ourselves and she moved her head up (hinting at giving a hickey) my reaction; 'you sure that's a good idea?' and I automatically went spas at myself internally basically repeating 'you sir are an idiot'. She hinted at what other things two people could do alone in a dark room, but by no ones fault but my own, we just stayed talking.

I don't know how to act on an impulse. I never really just go with it everything is calculated. That same girl literally had to tell me to kiss her and basically grabbed me because I was wasting so much time.

How do I get out of my own head, how do I act on an impulse. I will see a stupidly attractive girl and want to talk to her but I won't and I didn't think I was so self conscious but I must be.
How can I let loose. I never feel comfortable just being me, my flirting tactic is to basically just sound smart and jokingly insult them. So I inevitably come off as a semi smart assh*le.
I told a girl I was a virgin (because she brought it up) and she straight out didn't believe me. Just outright won't believe me. I mean this is the same guy who gets nervous when things move a little two quickly, same guy who's longest relationship was my first one (out of 2 in total) that lasted 2 weeks at the age of 13.

Guys bring home girls (different) ones every night and I'm just in my head, I've been called cute and just said thanks, I've been invited over to a girls house at 4.am when I was drunk (she was not) and I simply slept in her bed with her. What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?

alwaysinmyhead

alwaysinmyhead wrote: »

I'm 19, male and a virgin.
One thing I've noticed (being in first year of college) is that when I'm around girls, and some other people who I don't know I'm always in my own head. Here's an example.

I was in a nightclub awhile ago. I was with a girl, we found a quiet closed off area so we went up and sat on the couches. We were there enjoying ourselves and she moved her head up (hinting at giving a hickey) my reaction; 'you sure that's a good idea?' and I automatically went spas at myself internally basically repeating 'you sir are an idiot'. She hinted at what other things two people could do alone in a dark room, but by no ones fault but my own, we just stayed talking.

I don't know how to act on an impulse. I never really just go with it everything is calculated. That same girl literally had to tell me to kiss her and basically grabbed me because I was wasting so much time.

How do I get out of my own head, how do I act on an impulse. I will see a stupidly attractive girl and want to talk to her but I won't and I didn't think I was so self conscious but I must be.
How can I let loose. I never feel comfortable just being me, my flirting tactic is to basically just sound smart and jokingly insult them. So I inevitably come off as a semi smart assh*le.
I told a girl I was a virgin (because she brought it up) and she straight out didn't believe me. Just outright won't believe me. I mean this is the same guy who gets nervous when things move a little two quickly, same guy who's longest relationship was my first one (out of 2 in total) that lasted 2 weeks at the age of 13.

Guys bring home girls (different) ones every night and I'm just in my head, I've been called cute and just said thanks, I've been invited over to a girls house at 4.am when I was drunk (she was not) and I simply slept in her bed with her. What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?

Your 19. Stop putting pressure on yourself to conform to bullshít. Go with your gut instinct and learn to relax around girls. Act confident but not cocky and hold eye contact when you are talking to someone without staring intensely. Women are humans too so treat them like it. Im probably not the best to be giving you advice here tbh because i was probably the same at your age. But life has taught me that you need to become comfortable in your own skin and be who you are, not some fake.

The Wolverine

You actually sound as if your grand with women from your examples anyway in regards to attaching them, etc that's actually a lot better than a lot of young fellas that age.

Maybe your nerves kick in regards to the thought of sex happening as you are a virgin?

retro:electro

I'm failing to see what he problem is? Your interactions with women seem normal for someone your age

kylith

OP you seem to me to be doing fine. If anything you refusing to give that girl a hickey is a good and respectful thing; when I think of how I used to let youngfellas maul my neck I shudder.

Don't worry about being a virgin, a) someone who actually likes you won't care and b) some of the best sex I've had was with a man much older than you who was a virgin. Being mature enough to be comfortable in himself made all the difference.

I know it seems like your peers are riding all round them, but I guarantee they're not having as much sex as they'd have you believe.

shamrock2004

alwaysinmyhead wrote: »

I'm 19, male and a virgin.
One thing I've noticed (being in first year of college) is that when I'm around girls, and some other people who I don't know I'm always in my own head. Here's an example.

I was in a nightclub awhile ago. I was with a girl, we found a quiet closed off area so we went up and sat on the couches. We were there enjoying ourselves and she moved her head up (hinting at giving a hickey) my reaction; 'you sure that's a good idea?' and I automatically went spas at myself internally basically repeating 'you sir are an idiot'. She hinted at what other things two people could do alone in a dark room, but by no ones fault but my own, we just stayed talking.

I don't know how to act on an impulse. I never really just go with it everything is calculated. That same girl literally had to tell me to kiss her and basically grabbed me because I was wasting so much time.

How do I get out of my own head, how do I act on an impulse. I will see a stupidly attractive girl and want to talk to her but I won't and I didn't think I was so self conscious but I must be.
How can I let loose. I never feel comfortable just being me, my flirting tactic is to basically just sound smart and jokingly insult them. So I inevitably come off as a semi smart assh*le.
I told a girl I was a virgin (because she brought it up) and she straight out didn't believe me. Just outright won't believe me. I mean this is the same guy who gets nervous when things move a little two quickly, same guy who's longest relationship was my first one (out of 2 in total) that lasted 2 weeks at the age of 13.

Guys bring home girls (different) ones every night and I'm just in my head, I've been called cute and just said thanks, I've been invited over to a girls house at 4.am when I was drunk (she was not) and I simply slept in her bed with her. What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?

There's nothing to fix. You sound like a gentleman. You seem to be feeling the pressure of having to go with the status quo. When I was your age I didn't sleep around and was innately respectful enough to want to get to know a girl before deciding if I wanted to proceed with a sexual relationship. If you rush these things, you can ruin everything. This was a product of my upbringing - to have respect for myself and for women. Not everyone is the same however and that's how the world works. I say do what feels right to you and don't be putting yourself under pressure to jump into bed with women. You'll be no worse off for it anyway seeing how STDs are disgustingly rampant these days.

leggo

Yeah OP, you mightn't feel it, but everything that's going on there is completely normal. I think we all internal monologue from time-to-time, it's just a part of life, I laugh at the things my brain does throw at me sometimes in situations like that. My brain is always slagging the **** out of me, it's a bit of a dick tbh.

As far as the virginity thing goes...again, that's not abnormal. Sex is a bit overblown today because we're kinda going through a sexual revolution with Tinder etc and societal attitudes changing, but the funny thing is people your age are actually having LESS sex than ever before, mainly because you're now more educated than other generations so understand the risks more. So while it's easy to look at the guys it's all happening quicker for who are taking girls home every night, they're the exception, there are a lot of other people in the exact same boat as you.

There's no right or wrong way to lose your virginity. People will say 'do it with someone special', others will say 'just get it out of the way', the truth is just live your life and make your own story however it happens. I remember being that age and knowing a lot of guys who were 'tragic cases', and just going by the stories you say in your OP, you aren't one of them. Women seem to be into you and you seem to be far from the guy who doesn't ever even get a sniff of the action. I knew guys in their early/mid 20's who'd never even been kissed. I lived with a guy for 3 years and his only two kisses were with girls I set him up with and kinda held his hand for. Truth is, he'll be fine and find his own way in time, just as you will.

Until then just take solace in the fact that you're completely normal and try your best to just enjoy the journey. Later in life you'll look back on these times, laugh and call them the good old days. Try appreciate that now and get some enjoyment out of the highs and lows, the successes and the struggles, because you'll get to a stage were it won't be like this anymore and miss this time something terrible.