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Roommate not being reasonable or me?

  • 20-09-2016 8:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, just need some advice. So I share a room with a classmate this year, it's all good and we get on grand so I can't complain. Only thing is he often has his friend over in his bed. I don't mind him having his friends over, it is his room of course. But I feel as though it isn't fair because I'm paying to share with one person, not two.

    I don't really know how to approach the topic without being rude. I don't want it to seem personal to his friend as it isn't personal. I know the lad and I like him and think he is sound. He hasn't had him staying over too often yet, but my issue is that my roommate never asks if it is okay with me. He never offers his friend to sleep on the couch, and I feel as though if I don;t say anything, it will be a a frequent thing.

    I know I have to say something but I do not know how to say it without it sounding really angry, but it does bother me. It's my room, I shouldn't have to be worrying about who is going to be sleeping there. Any advice on how to approach the topic would be greatly appreciated as I am at a loss and I can't be feeling stressed about this for an entire academic year.


Comments

  • #2
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,096 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I would think your objection is entirely reasonable. There are two of you sharing a room, which is enough of a crowd. To introduce another person into this situation is really taking liberties. Only thing you can do is say to your friend that the arrangement would be that two of you would be sharing, if either of you has a friend over occasionally they can sleep on the sofa, but even then it should not be a regular event. There really is no way round it but to make your feelings clear and get the situation sorted.

    Sorry, I see that you were asking how to go about it, which is slightly different from what I have said. When the friend is not there and both of you are free to talk, just say, look I've been meaning to say to you that I don't think much of having three of us sharing a room. If you want your friend to stay over occasionally can you ask him to sleep on the sofa?

    Its quite possible that your friend hasn't even given it a thought and is not aware that it might be a problem.


  • #3
    Shelga
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,037 ✭✭✭Shelga


    Sounds super weird! :eek:

    Bad enough having to share a room like that when a fresher, 100x worse having to share with 2 other guys in one room! Absolutely say it to him firmly that this is not on, except maybe very occasionally after a night of heavy drinking or something. As someone who likes a lot of alone time, this sounds like my worst nightmare.

    As a side note, are you sure he isn't gay and this guy is his boyfriend?


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Shelga wrote: »
    Sounds super weird! :eek:

    Bad enough having to share a room like that when a fresher, 100x worse having to share with 2 other guys in one room! Absolutely say it to him firmly that this is not on, except maybe very occasionally after a night of heavy drinking or something. As someone who likes a lot of alone time, this sounds like my worst nightmare.

    As a side note, are you sure he isn't gay and this guy is his boyfriend?

    No I am absolutely sure he is not gay, they're just close friends!


  • #5
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,096 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Shelga wrote: »
    Sounds super weird! :eek:

    Bad enough having to share a room like that when a fresher, 100x worse having to share with 2 other guys in one room! Absolutely say it to him firmly that this is not on, except maybe very occasionally after a night of heavy drinking or something. As someone who likes a lot of alone time, this sounds like my worst nightmare.

    As a side note, are you sure he isn't gay and this guy is his boyfriend?

    That doesn't really make a difference, the OP isn't complaining of having to be witness to rampant sex!


  • #6
    BettePorter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,257 ✭✭✭BettePorter


    looksee wrote:
    That doesn't really make a difference, the OP isn't complaining of having to be witness to rampant sex!


    No but it is a bit odd. Especially if its a single bed. Surely the couch would be preferable to the mate.


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  • #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    BettePorter wrote: »
    No but it is a bit odd. Especially if its a single bed. Surely the couch would be preferable to the mate.

    If they're in a house share (the fact that the OP mentions a couch implies this is the case), maybe the room mate doesn't want to pee off the other house mates by having his friend sleep in a shared area but has no problem imposing himself on his room mate.

    OP, that's as much your room as it is his, tell him to put his friend on the couch and make him deal with the house rather than just yourself.


  • #8
    CdeC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 510 ✭✭✭CdeC


    Op,

    This is not cool. You have the right to be annoyed.
    But in my many years experience sharing houses it is best not to approach the situation with a "you can't do that" but rather a compromise.
    So think of a situation that you'd be happy with. Maybe once a week twice max or something like that and stick with it.
    Also say that you don't sleep that well with so many people in the room as to alleviate any impression that it's a personal thing.
    Just be calm, reasonable and to the point.
    Also you can be ok with no times but that might cause friction. Just make sure that you are comfortable with the arrangement.

    Good luck


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