Struggle to make friends

LegacyUser

I am a 25 year old female.
Basically, I have so many acquaintances, but no real close friends.
I had a nice group of friends in school, but everyone went their separate ways while going to college. College was a little weird for me - I did a course that only had a small number - about 30 people and we never really gelled as a group. I worked for a few years after college - met lots of nice people there, but I was by far the youngest in the office(by about 20 years!
I am now back in college doing a post grad and want to do all I can to actually make some good friends. I am quite reserved, and sometimes struggle to keep in with the conversation in groups. But, one to one is mostly okay.


Any tips?

lurker2000

Friendships evolve later in life with people that you have something in common with, we are programmed to feel comfortable with those who have some of the same traits or outlooks as ourselves. It can't be forced and has to be a two way street. So firstly you should find something to do that really interests you - a night class, hobby or sports discipline. Hill walking, volunteering, book clubs, team sports etc are all sociable activities that involve people interacting. If you then meet someone you like, harness the friendship by suggesting meetups for social nights etc without being forceful - hopefully they will feel the spark of closeness too. Have you tried to develop any deeper friendships with the circle you have already. Perhaps if you took the lead in organising to meet with any of these people individually, you could find a deeper friendship growing. Especially if you are empathetic in times of crises etc. Good luck.

santana75

Op i think the answer to your question is in your own post. Youre pretty reserved and so im gonna guess and say that you dont approach people, you would let them make the first move. But if you want real friends you need to show them that you want them to be your friend. Its not up to other people to come to you, you have to go to them. Its simple really, people sense when you are fond of them. Its not what you say or even do, its just a fèeling. So if theres someone you' d like to be friends with in your class go up and chat to them. Trust me they'll be delighted. Its kind of like dating in a way, you inagine that someone wouldnt be into you but you take a chance and walk up to them and before long you realise that your fears where nothing at all and the thoughts you had were completely off base.

Airyfairy12

thatk wrote: »

I am a 25 year old female.
Basically, I have so many acquaintances, but no real close friends.
I had a nice group of friends in school, but everyone went their separate ways while going to college. College was a little weird for me - I did a course that only had a small number - about 30 people and we never really gelled as a group. I worked for a few years after college - met lots of nice people there, but I was by far the youngest in the office(by about 20 years!
I am now back in college doing a post grad and want to do all I can to actually make some good friends. I am quite reserved, and sometimes struggle to keep in with the conversation in groups. But, one to one is mostly okay.


Any tips?

I'm your age and Ive had this problem too and I know a few people like this as well, it seems like its actually really common, i'm reserved also and it feels like everyone expects me to be loud and extroverted and when im not they take it as a personal insult or they try to 'fix me' by trying to pull me out of my shell rather than just letting me be me. There needs to be mutual respect in a friendship and I think that anyone worth being friends with will understand and be considerate of your personality. Being reserved isnt a flaw and it doesnt mean youre boring or rude or dont like people but I feel like quiet or more introverted people get judged more harshly, Ive kind of realised now that most people just aren't very nice unless youre fulfilling some need for them they generally dont want to know. I think its especially hard for women as theyre often so cliquey and catty towards one another.
You just need to find your people, everyones so superficial these days its hard to find anyone who's good company but getting involved in different things might help like maybe college clubs and societies or your local volunteer centre or any arts festivals that might be happening where you are, they usually need volunteers to help set everything up and to help out, you might get to know interesting people who are open to meeting new people. You could also try get a part time job somewhere where there are staff around your age like a cafe, clothes shop or restaurant.