Do boys lie for their friends regarding sex?

LegacyUser

This is a question kind of directed at the males.

Okay so lets say there is a girl your friend thinks is hot and wants to have sex with. Now lets also say that the girl knows the lad is interested.

So to try and put this simply, if this lad only wanted to have sex with this girl, and didn't actually like her as more than that, would you as a friend still say he liked her to the girls face? In the hopes the girl will have sex with your friend.

Basically I am the girl and don't know who to believe and don't want to be used, but also don't know where to go from here as the lad is so hot and cold towards me. He doesn't act like he likes me atm, but I still get his close friends telling me he does like me and that he is awkward etc.

Sorry if this is confusing but I need a lads perspective. I'd like to think they would not say that if it wasn't true because that would get their friend in an uncomfortable situation but I can't be sure anymore.

suicide_circus

Depends how much they respect you. If they see you as a piece of ass and don't view you as a sound person worth bothering about then yes, there is every chance they'd go along with the charade for their bro.

mada82

Why do you have to have sex straight away. Why not go on a few dates to gauge his interest.

StripedBoxers

mada82 wrote: »

Why do you have to have sex straight away. Why not go on a few dates to gauge his interest.

Yeah I agree with this.

I personally don't sleep with guys one a first, or even second date. We'd need to have a few dates before things would go that far.

To be honest if he's at that crap getting his friends etc involved I'd probably just ask him out straight what the story is, but then again, if you are already unsure than asking him mightn't make any difference as he could easily lie or bend the truth. He and his friends sound immature in my opinion.

What age are you both?

LegacyUser

We are 22, he said he wanted to go on a date but he was drunk at the time so I don't know if he meant it.

I don't want to have sex eith him straight away at all but like I don't know what else I can do to develop something with him as I do like him. He just doesn't make an effort on a daily basis and it is very annoying.

btw his friends are involving themselves, it's not him telling them to at all.

confusedgirl007

confusedgirl007 wrote: »

We are 22, he said he wanted to go on a date but he was drunk at the time so I don't know if he meant it.

I don't want to have sex eith him straight away at all but like I don't know what else I can do to develop something with him

Christ, sex is not a way to "develop" something that isn't there already.
if he won't even date you then walk away. You deserve more than this!!

Loveinapril

confusedgirl007 wrote: »

I don't want to have sex eith him straight away at all but like I don't know what else I can do to develop something with him as I do like him. He just doesn't make an effort on a daily basis and it is very annoying.
.

You don't use sex to get things to develop, sex is the thing that happens AS things develop. If this fella does not give you any effort on a day to day basis, then why are you even considering sex?
If he wants to date you, then do that. Go out with him and see how things progress. See if you like him more, if he treats you with respect and kindness. Only then should you start thinking "do I want to have sex with him?".

LegacyUser

Okay thanks to everyone. I don't know, I feel as a young person in college, sex is kind of the way to meet lads. I don't do this myself but most of my friends do. And I'm only human and want male attention haha.

I know I deserve more but I do really like him and am hoping he is just bad with girls.

Ursus Horribilis

From what I can see, getting involved with someone who blows hot and cold never ends with a nice, normal happy relationship. I've yet to see one of these supposedly awkward fellas turn into Mr Right but maybe I'm wrong on this one. I get the impression you feel like you're on the back foot here and that you're hoping that sex will solve this. By all means go out on a few dates with him and see if he is actually interested or is just full of hot air. Don't even consider having sex with him until you have a better idea where you stand.

LegacyUser

Yeah realistically I don't think he will ask me on a date and I'm way too shy to ask him so maybe I will have to move on. I just wish he wouldn't say things that aren't true for sex. It sucks for me.

Ursus Horribilis

confusedgirl007 wrote: »

I feel as a young person in college, sex is kind of the way to meet lads.

:eek:

Sex is a way to meet lads. Not the only way. I don't know what you're looking for here but if it's a boyfriend, casual sex is generally not the way to meet one. Sure, there are nice guys who like their one night stands but there are also plenty who just want the ride and to move on.

You don't sound like you trust this guy and that you deserve better. If it's a boyfriend you want, then yes you are right. Better to forget about this guy and wait for someone nicer and less of a bad boy to come along.

dellas1979

You shouldnt be using sex to get a guy interested. He should be interested in you, as a person. You are going to play with yourself esteem there.

Fair enough if all you want is a ONS. But this doesnt seem to be the case.

Us women alot seem to think along the lines of (especially if they are deemed as shy or awkward or something, which is like something we believe we can magically fix) "what can I do to get a guy interested?". The answer is nothing.

Its as simple as be yourself, and if they are interested, they are. And if they are not, they are not.

njs030

confusedgirl007 wrote: »

Yeah realistically I don't think he will ask me on a date and I'm way too shy to ask him so maybe I will have to move on. I just wish he wouldn't say things that aren't true for sex. It sucks for me.

Unfortunately sex won't make him interested in you or want to see you again if that's not what he already wants.
If you want to have sex with him and you're happy that it's probably all it will be then great, go ahead and anything more is a bonus right?

If someone is blowing hot and cold it's never a good sign though op, the best thing you can do is move on and don't change your mind unless he starts showing you proper interest and not just drunken silly comments!

Esel

confusedgirl007 wrote: »

Yeah realistically I don't think he will ask me on a date and I'm way too shy to ask him so maybe I will have to move on. I just wish he wouldn't say things that aren't true for sex. It sucks for me.

Who said what now?

leggo

To be fair, before everyone jumps on her, OP is only verbalising what we all know to be true. Plenty of girls will use sex to get lads interested and learn the hard way that it doesn't work. It's a process a lot of people have to go through. But we all know it's a bad idea for the reasons people have said.

And yes, OP, young lads will tell a girl whatever they need to to help their mate get his bit. You know the answer here: as everyone has already said, if he doesn't even want to date you, he's not that into you and won't change.

Now, having said that, if you still WANT to have sex with him knowing all of this...that's okay too. Don't think that you have to uphold some kind of female virtue and use sex as a bargaining tool to coax him into a relationship he doesn't want either, you can just enjoy sex like everyone does, the days of women being considered 'sluts' for doing so are long gone.

However, for your own benefit, don't be one of those girls who think that if you keep having sex with him his feelings will change. In my young, cocky arsehole days, my mates and I would call these girls "**** me til you love me" girls. They'd try convince you to love them by giving you everything you wanted with no incentive to change and respect them more. It never, ever works.

Lastly, what I always say is that if you accept less, you'll get it every single time. For the temporary boost of happiness you'll get by having sex with this guy, you'll get a much tougher and prolonged low trying to be with him when he doesn't want it. It's not worth it. You deserve better. So if you want a relationship, find someone who wants that with you and your life will be so much better. It might take longer but it's worth waiting for.

LegacyUser

Esel wrote: »

Who said what now?

He says that he will ask me on date and he likes me and stuff but never acts on it. so it mus be rubbish.

Thanks for the advice people.

Ursus Horribilis

Erm...if he was talking about asking you on a date, surely it would only have been a short hop from there to actually asking you? He sounds like a messer if you ask me. I don't know if you have ever had a boyfriend before but normally when a man likes you, he'll ask you out and not indulge in this sort of nonsense.

Augme

Generally most lads who are only out for one thing don't need their mates to set it all up. Most of these sorts of guys will be fairly cocky and perfectly capable of doing it themselves. When he's drunk and asking you out on a date is he not also pushing for more that night? Sounds a bit odd if he isn't. He could be a player, if he is then he sounds fairly **** at it. Seems to me he's just shy and doesn't have the balls to pull the trigger when sober. If you want to know where you stand just ask him out yourself.

Big Bag of Chips

Did he tell you he'd ask you out, or did he tell his friends and his friends told you?

Do you want to have sex with him?
Do you want to have sex with him only on the condition that it leads to you and him going out together?
Do you want to have sex with him, if it's only once off sex and nothing more?

You do know you are entitled to make your own choices, don't you?! You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. You don't have to not do something just because you think you shouldn't! You don't have to wait around for a fella who may or may not ever get himself together to approach you. And you certainly don't need to be doing all this through his mates!!

You're a big girl now. School is behind you. If you like him, ask him out. It can be something along the lines of "so that date you were going to ask me out on.....?". If you're not that bothered move on. Enjoy college and don't waste your time on fellas who are the school disco equivalent of "will you dance with my friend"?

beks101

I think this is a sadly common mindset amongst women of the OP's age.

I'd say I fit into that bracket myself in my early 20s, "waheyyy I'm up for anything... I'm different...I can have sex like a bloke" when in reality I'm not and I can't. Sex is a bonding thing for me, an act of getting closer to someone and not a means to an end. pretending otherwise and using it as a "tool" really affected my self esteem for many years. Leggo is spot on here - it will never work in that way and will ultimately leads to you feeling used and a bit worthless.

OP, you need to figure out your own views and needs here and don't spend all of your 20s disregarding them and ending up frustrated at men.

If someone really likes you and wants to get to know you - they won't ignore you and then send their mates along to convey the message. And if they do, they're about as emotionally mature as a 12 year old pulling the pigtails of a school yard crush I.e not worth the effort.

Decide right here and right now what you're hoping for here. A casual shag? or something more meaningful? If you're looking for more, then you'll need to actually SEE more from this fella for it to work. Because as far as I can see he's showing no signs of that kind of interest in you at the moment.