Encouraging faith in the home

Elizabeth Ann

Hello all, I hope it's okay to post here. I'm looking for advice on putting faith in our home. Rather unfortunately, I grew up as an 'on paper' Roman Catholic. To put things into perspective, I'm 37 years old, and aside from attending mass at key times throughout the year such as Christmas, baptisms, communions and confirmations, I have not encouraged my children to attend mass. I'm not trying to lay blame, but it has been hard to given my own childhood was missing faith in the home. I actually used to sneak off on a Sunday to join my Grandparents for mass. Despite all of this, I pray in private but I'm worried how my own children have now missed out too. They are 12 and 14 years old, is it too late for me to help them find God? My youngest seems keen, as he's thinking about his own morality a lot. As it happens I'm expecting my third child, and I do not want to make the same mistake again.

My Mother had a soured view of the church due to a harsh upbringing she had, while my Father also had a church going past, his own Mother had a great decoction to the Virgin Mary. We did not attend church because Mom didn't want to, and Dad went along with it.

My current home is rental so it's never really felt like home as such. However, we will be moving to a house we are buying soon enough, and it is my intention to put a crucifix on the wall as you enter the home, and some pictures throughout the house. I would quite like it if a priest would come and bless our new home, but I'm not sure it is the done thing any more. Just to point out I don't know anyone from the church yet, as we are moving county.

One of the priests at my current parish church said something that has really stuck with me, and I know that he is right. "Parents must lead by example". I know attending church as a family is step one, but I would rather encourage and talk to the children rather than they feel like it is something they have to do. I don't want to cause any resentment, and would like if they went on to carry the faith into their own homes.

Any tips, points, advice, experiences, comments or suggestions welcome.


Thank you

eviltwin

Why do you feel you made a mistake?

I'd agree with the priest, parents should lead by example rather than trying to make things happen. I was forced into a lot of church activities by my mother and I grew up with a very negative view of religion. May be if they'd eased off a little I would have been able to grow at my own pace.

Your older children are at an age where they can form and express their thoughts. Have you spoken to them about what they would like?

Elizabeth Ann

eviltwin wrote: »

Why do you feel you made a mistake?

I'd agree with the priest, parents should lead by example rather than trying to make things happen. I was forced into a lot of church activities by my mother and I grew up with a very negative view of religion. May be if they'd eased off a little I would have been able to grow at my own pace.

Your older children are at an age where they can form and express their thoughts. Have you spoken to them about what they would like?

Thank you for responding. I feel like I've let my son's down by not encouraging them as young children. I'm not talking about shoving it down their necks, but even chatting to them about it. I recently borrowed a beautiful children's first book of Bible stories, and it would have been perfect when the boys were small.

My youngest son who is twelve has said he would like to attend church. My oldest boy, I will need to talk to about this. I agree they should be allowed their own views, but I'm only sorry I didn't start out at least talking to them about it. It's something I wished my parents did for me, but it just wasn't there.

eviltwin

Elizabeth Ann wrote: »

Thank you for responding. I feel like I've let my son's down by not encouraging them as young children. I'm not talking about shoving it down their necks, but even chatting to them about it. I recently borrowed a beautiful children's first book of Bible stories, and it would have been perfect when the boys were small.

My youngest son who is twelve has said he would like to attend church. My oldest boy, I will need to talk to about this. I agree they should be allowed their own views, but I'm only sorry I didn't start out at least talking to them about it. It's something I wished my parents did for me, but it just wasn't there.

I think you have the right idea and you're doing it in a way that respects your children's own independent opinions. I don't believe in regrets, you can't undo what's been done but maybe it will have been a good thing that they haven't grown up feeling they were forced into religion iykwim. Now you can at least be sure that your youngest is doing this because he wants to rather than he's just going through the motions out of habit and if he is wanting to attend mass you've obviously done something right so don't be too hard on yourself

You've a great opportunity in your new home to explore it together. I'd have a chat with the older one, very casual, maybe something like 'myself and x are going to start attending mass, what do you think' and take it from there.

And fair play to you respecting and acknowledging their own personal views. I think that's brilliant parenting.

looksee

There is no point regretting what is passed, you can only deal with the future. Why not just start going to mass without making an issue of it. If either of the children want to go, then encourage them. You do not have to 'take' them at the age they are. Let it become part of what happens in the household and let them come round to it in their own time.

It has taken all these years for you to come round to the idea of actively pursuing your faith, don't try to force the issue with your children, give them time to figure it out.

You could actually do damage by suddenly 'getting religion' and putting pictures and crucifixes all over the house. Maybe something in the kitchen and in your bedroom for a start. You do not need lots of images to pursue your faith, and a sudden avalanche of religion as well as a new house and new neighbourhood could well put your children off.

Elizabeth Ann

Thank you Twin

I suppose another reason this has resurfaced for me is when my Mother passed away in 2014. My Father almost immediately took up going to church on his own, and has even joined the choir in two churches. It seems to have helped him so much.

Elizabeth Ann

looksee wrote: »

There is no point regretting what is passed, you can only deal with the future. Why not just start going to mass without making an issue of it. If either of the children want to go, then encourage them. You do not have to 'take' them at the age they are. Let it become part of what happens in the household and let them come round to it in their own time.

It has taken all these years for you to come round to the idea of actively pursuing your faith, don't try to force the issue with your children, give them time to figure it out.

You could actually do damage by suddenly 'getting religion' and putting pictures and crucifixes all over the house. Maybe something in the kitchen and in your bedroom for a start. You do not need lots of images to pursue your faith, and a sudden avalanche of religion as well as a new house and new neighbourhood could well put your children off.

You are absolutely right Look-see, it might seem like overkill with the boys. The one thing I must have though is something for the entrance. It was something my Dad pointed out to me, he always had in his childhood home. I'd like to have one too, that would mean a lot to me.

I supposed the softly softly approach is best with the boys, and if they show interest then take it from there. The youngest has stipulated he would like to go to church, not because I asked him, it was of his own accord. If my eldest doesn't want to go, then I will accept that.

Manach

First thanks to OP for sharing their story. I would say it is a positive step to encourage the faith at home given the prevalence of countering trends that are present in today's world.
Potential steps to take would be to actualise the aspects of the faith that are part of the living church : this could from be having some TV time spent watching channels like ETWN to taking part of charitable activities such as support the SVP. As well, perhaps being involved in the local church community, there would be the opportunity as a family to be involved in.

Elizabeth Ann

Manach wrote: »

First thanks to OP for sharing their story. I would say it is a positive step to encourage the faith at home given the prevalence of countering trends that are present in today's world.
Potential steps to take would be to actualise the aspects of the faith that are part of the living church : this could from be having some TV time spent watching channels like ETWN to taking part of charitable activities such as support the SVP. As well, perhaps being involved in the local church community, there would be the opportunity as a family to be involved in.

Thank you very much for posting. I think you are on the button with taking part in the church community and charitable activities. This could be a nice way of involving the boys, and I'm sure they would enjoy it.

It's such a shame for most children that their faith is only discussed in school, and ends after their confirmation and only revisited for weddings.

Giacomo McGubbin

You are on the road. Someone somewhere at sometime was praying for you.
You'll find short prayers and attending mass (because you want to) very helpful in obtaining God's grace to assist you.
Your local Priest ( if he's a good one ) will be happy to bless your house. It's still done.
Don't be afraid to discuss your situation and what you have described here with him. He will guide you and provide advice.
They come across spiritual renewal /reawakening all the time. God bless.

endacl

Elizabeth Ann wrote: »

They are 12 and 14 years old, is it too late for me to help them find God?

Almost certainly. With respect, if you introduced them to the story of Odin and the Norse gods as reality, how do you think a teenager and a kid on the cusp of secondary school would look at you?

Delirium

endacl wrote: »

Almost certainly. With respect, if you introduced them to the story of Odin and the Norse gods as reality, how do you think a teenager and a kid on the cusp of secondary school would look at you?

MOD NOTE

it would be appreciated it you didn't attempt to derail the thread with discussion of God/gods existing.

The OP is looking tips on how to try encourage their kids to have an interest in the Roman Catholic faith.

Please bear this in mind in future contributions on this thread.

Thanks for your attention.

recedite

Elizabeth Ann wrote: »

it is my intention to put a crucifix on the wall as you enter the home, and some pictures throughout the house.

Also, don't forget to install the the water finger-dippy thing in the hall. Its one of the essentials.

Elizabeth Ann

Giacomo McGubbin wrote: »

You are on the road. Someone somewhere at sometime was praying for you.
You'll find short prayers and attending mass (because you want to) very helpful in obtaining God's grace to assist you.
Your local Priest ( if he's a good one ) will be happy to bless your house. It's still done.
Don't be afraid to discuss your situation and what you have described here with him. He will guide you and provide advice.
They come across spiritual renewal /reawakening all the time. God bless.

Thank you for such an encouraging post. I think I will have a chat with one of the priests here. When I move to my new home I will introduce myself to the parish priests. I will ask if they would like to come by to bless the house, it would make me very happy.

I think someone may have been praying for me, certainly someone is hearing me. I have had moments I've cried praying by myself. It is always a relief to me afterwards, and I have a new perspective on things.

endacl wrote: »

Almost certainly. With respect, if you introduced them to the story of Odin and the Norse gods as reality, how do you think a teenager and a kid on the cusp of secondary school would look at you?

You know, your comparison is so off the wall you actually inadvertently helped me. My children haven't been blindfolded from God all of their lives. Yes, they have gone through the motions, but I'm not introducing something new or absurd to them.

My youngest son has reached a point in his life where he fears death and the death of those around him. It's a normal and natural fear. He came out of his room last night a bit shaken and I told him (again) that I believe we are meant for heaven and we would see the people we love there. This always gives him some comfort.

We all got up this morning and I said I was going to attend mass. I said if they wished to come along they were welcome. My youngest jumped at the chance, and I was quietly relieved. I do feel that it will help with his fears at the moment.

The older boy said he would stay home today, so I made no issue of it and told him we would see him after. We thoroughly enjoyed the mass. My son was delighted when our priest said he had a gift for the children which they all collected at the altar. Our priest had been away at Lourdes for a week and thoughtfully brought home crosses and medals. When we got home my son ran upstairs to show his brother before putting it with his 'collection'. He has kept things such as his candle, his confirmation rosette, and his laminated confirmation prayer card amongst things.

I felt my eldest was interested, so he may ask if he can join us next time. I'm very happy how things have gone today, and please God it will be come part of my life from now on, and my son's if they want it.

Thanks again to those have replied, I am feeling a lot better and encouraged by advice here and our own progress

solodeogloria

Good morning!

It isn't too late. But I think putting images up on your walls isn't the first place you should look.

Have you thought about a time of family worship? Reading the Bible and praying for one another? Where does your husband stand? Maybe you should ask him to see where he can step up. From a Christian perspective the father also has a key role in raising his children to know and trust Jesus. (Ephesians 6:4). You should also consider praying and reading the Bible with your husband. That's one of the Biblical responsibilities he has for you in Ephesians 5:23-33. Perhaps you could even read Ephesians together whilst thinking about how best to being your children up in the fear and instruction of the Lord. (Proverbs 1:1-7)

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

me_right_one

Fair Play to you Elizabeth Ann! God will bless you and your kids for this!

My tuppenceworth is that a picture of the Sacred Heart in a prominent place is a good start. Every house should have one. After that, I suppose just keep going to Mass yourself. Maybe even join the Legion of Mary? I found that randomly visiting old people and doing chores around the house for them was a character building experience when I was in the Legion. You wouldnt see too many teenagers doing that today!

crummymummy

Maybe you could do it in babysteps like introducing a prayer before mealtimes and let them see you attending mass with the option of them joining you?

You know yourself how it is with kids, if you try and talk to them about a subject matter they'll switch off! But if you peak their interest by letting them see what you are up to they might be more interested if they feel they've come to it themselves. And if they broach the subject then you can encourage them.

lazybones32

Everyone else has already mentioned what I'll recommend:
Maybe a holy water font at the door that gets most traffic.
A crucifix and/or picture that you feel some connection to.
Get a copy of the Gospels. If you don't like reading, get an audiobook version and check out some of the music available if you like music and singing.

Your boys are getting to the point where they'll nearly have to disagree with you in order to assert their own identity, so don't be discouraged if they don't do as you'd like in this regard.

Go to your local priest and ask him to come bless your home; maybe ask him to celebrate a Mass there? Given the lower number of priests and the restriction on number of Masses they can celebrate, don't take it personal if he can't. Get him to bless the car while you're at it.

If you are any bit of the reading type, I'd recommend a few books for you: definitely one about the Mass (either "Celebrate Mass with your heart" by Fr. Slavko or Fr. Thady Doyle's "But I get nothing from Mass!") and another useful, practical booklet is "Can we be Saints?" by Frank Duff.

Your kids will learn more by what they see you do than by what you tell them to do and your influence will stand to them throughout their lives.

Michael OBrien

"Parents must lead by example" is probably one of the best pieces of advice anyone can give. Regardless of your position on religion, if your kids see you talk about such values, while not actually having them, then it does send a message that its not really worth it.
You might also like to show them other religions as well, so they can see how faith works in a broader context.

Delirium

solodeogloria wrote: »

Good morning!

It isn't too late. But I think putting images up on your walls isn't the first place you should look.

Have you thought about a time of family worship? Reading the Bible and praying for one another? Where does your husband stand? Maybe you should ask him to see where he can step up. From a Christian perspective the father also has a key role in raising his children to know and trust Jesus. (Ephesians 6:4). You should also consider praying and reading the Bible with your husband. That's one of the Biblical responsibilities he has for you in Ephesians 5:23-33. Perhaps you could even read Ephesians together whilst thinking about how best to being your children up in the fear and instruction of the Lord. (Proverbs 1:1-7)

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

MOD NOTE

While I appreciate you're trying to help, please note that the OP has said nothing about being married.

She has asked how she can encourage faith so lets try to keep within the realms of what information we have from the OP.

Thanks for your attention.

solodeogloria

Good morning!

Perhaps that was an assumption but it isn't an unfounded one.

Raising children in the Lord is a team effort. Biblically speaking the father plays a key role in that as does the church family.

Giving a holistic Biblical answer on the Christianity forum should be permitted. Raising children from a Christian perspective is not a lone ranger effort even if the OP is a single parent.

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

Delirium

solodeogloria wrote: »

Good morning!

Perhaps that was an assumption but it isn't an unfounded one.

Raising children in the Lord is a team effort. Biblically speaking the father plays a key role in that as does the church family.

Giving a holistic Biblical answer on the Christianity forum should be permitted. Raising children from a Christian perspective is not a lone ranger effort even if the OP is a single parent.

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

It is but you made a number of presumptions (i.e. they're married + living together/ still alive) that basically open up a line of questioning on the OP and her relationship with the father of the children.

It would have good manners to ask if the father was involved in the childrens lives (and even then the OP may not have liked that line of questioning as she may see it as prying).

solodeogloria

Good afternoon!

The OP is expecting her third child. I'm not going to apologise for my assumption that there is someone else involved in that family. It's an important point to raise that others should be involved in a Christian context. The father if possible and he believes and the rest of the church family.

I think that was a fair point to offer and I won't apologise for giving a full answer from the Bible.

Much thanks in the Lord Jesus Christ,
solodeogloria

Delirium

let's just move on. This isn't of any benefit to the OP and the warning has already been issued to you.

No need for us to derail the thread.

Banjaxed82

Good luck with your endeavours, but don't set your expectation levels too high, considering that it's the ever changing landscape of the teenager you're dealing with.

interests, ideals, social and moral outlook can fluctuate considerably during that time.

At least your offering the option, which is really what it's all about.

Mrs OBumble

me_right_one wrote: »

I found that randomly visiting old people and doing chores around the house for them was a character building experience when I was in the Legion. You wouldnt see too many teenagers doing that today!

Child protection concerns pretty much rule that out these days, unless the visit is accompanied and supervised by the child's parent or guardian.