Is it wrong that I still want to be friends?

LegacyUser

I broke up with a guy, we had been together a year. It came to the point that I loved him but wasn't in love with him. I mean the attraction just wasn't there. I really didn't want to break up with him because it means I lose his friendship, we were really close and right now I haven't got anyone else. If i had my way I would continue our relationship but as just friends.

Anyway I feel like this is selfish because he says he is hurt and needs space. He doesn't want to see me anymore at all and says nothing will be the same. It just makes me really sad because I will really miss him.

What do you think? can we still be friends or should I just let go?

Ursus Horribilis

No, leave the guy alone. You are the person who caused his hurt by breaking up with him. He has asked you to leave him alone so I suggest you respect his wishes and leave him be. You are being incredibly selfish and this is all about You, not him. It's not his fault that you don't have any other close friends in your life. You're trying to turn him into something he doesn't want to be and that's not very fair, is it?

Dial Hard

marine98 wrote:

What do you think? can we still be friends or should I just let go?

You might be able to, in time, but right now you need to respect his wishes. Generally in a break-up situation one party gets hurt more than the other and that's clearly the case here. It would be incredibly selfish of you to basically insist that he stays in touch with you at the expense of his own feeling because you want him in your life, but not as a boyfriend.

You can't give him what he wants right now, which is you as a romantic partner. So, you need to let him decide whether he wants you on your terms, which is as a platonic friend. That's his choice to make. Allow him the space to make it and respect he decision he comes to.

Dial Hard

marine98 wrote:

I really didn't want to break up with him because it means I lose his friendship, we were really close and right now I haven't got anyone else.

I just re-read your post and this actually stands out like a sore thumb. So, what, you'd be grand if you had someone else lined up and you just need him to fill a gap in the meantime as opposed to actually valuing his friendship?

Leave the chap alone, OP. I really don't mean to sound harsh but I suspect that even if you managed to convince this guy to stay friends with you he'd find himself dropped like a hot snot as soon as you meet someone else.

LegacyUser

Dial Hard wrote: »

I just re-read your post and this actually stands out like a sore thumb. So, what, you'd be grand if you had someone else lined up and you just need him to fill a gap in the meantime as opposed to actually valuing his friendship?

Gosh no that sounds worse than what I mean. What I mean is that we connected so well that there's no-one else like him in my life who would know me on that level. And I value his friendship so much I couldn't even replace it.

retro:electro

If you are only keeping him as a friend because you "haven't got anyone else" then that is very unfair on him.

batmanrobin

If he has any romantic feelings for you or if he still wants to be in a relationship with you, then you absolutely cannot be friends. It would be very unfair to him, OP, and you'd only end up hurting him.

suicide_circus

You're using him, incredibly selfish and will just lead to more hurt for him. Leave the man be.

leggo

What everyone else said. When you're the person to break it off, to me you kinda owe the other person a debt of getting to decide what they want/need from you to a degree (unless they did something to warrant being broken up with of course). You don't get to set the terms though. And if you use their feelings for you to try push them into a situation they openly communicate isn't what they want, that's really selfish and unfair.

KikiDee

marine98 wrote: »

Gosh no that sounds worse than what I mean. What I mean is that we connected so well that there's no-one else like him in my life who would know me on that level. And I value his friendship so much I couldn't even replace it.

If you value his friendship, respect the decision he's made and leave well enough alone. At the moment, he wants more than you can give. You might never get the friendship you need and your connection will never be the same again I'm afraid to say. As hard as it is, move on OP and let him do the same.

Xterminator

Hi OP

Im afraid you are just not putting yourself in his shoes and seeing what that means for him.

you have broken up with him, and the attraction is not there for you.

But what about him? He is still attracted to you, and has feelings possibly in love. How hard would it be for him to move on when you are still around? how would a new realtionship work if you were his best friend and ex?

so give him his space. let him grieve for the relationship and move on.

X

Big Bag of Chips

You say you love him, but aren't in love with him. The problem is, he's still in love with you. Youve had the time and chance to fall out of love with him. He hasn't had that time yet. So you insisting on being friends with him is very very unfair on him. He has told you what he needs at the moment, as a friend, you need to respect that. Why would you force a situation on him that is clearly difficult for him? You need to give him the time and space to not be in love with you anymore. Not have him hang around to keep you company until you find another boyfriend that you are in love with.

You're not wrong to end it. You can't help how you feel about him. But holding on to him out of habit or loneliness is too cruel.