Need to cut back

Lilmiss82

I'm going to be brutally honest here as that's what this forum is for... Myself and DH have always loved a good tipple on the weekends, we would usually only drink on a Friday and Saturday night but it's now got to the point where we drink Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I've noticed we've got into this pattern since my husbands dad sadly passed away in November last year. I'm not using this as an excuse but I think it is a way of numbing the pain of losing him. The problem is it's not only a glass every night - we share three bottles between us :eek: I'm often waking in the morning with complete memory loss as to what happened the night before. I know this is not good or healthy and we definitely need to cut back but I'm really struggling. I find I'm really moody on a Monday and Tuesday night when I know we won't be having any wine. I even find myself going to bed early out of boredom. I really need us to break this drinking habit. Not only would it be the healthy thing to try and give up - we'd also save ourselves a fortune and lose weight at the same time! This is easier said then done though. I suppose i'm posting this here to try seek help and see if anyone has any advise they could give us. Any of your thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks.

The Bishop Basher

Lilmiss82 wrote: »

I suppose i'm posting this here to try seek help and see if anyone has any advise they could give us. Any of your thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.

Give it up for a month. Pick a month, say nothing to anyone and just go for it.. Do it yourself. He may or may not join in but do it for yourself regardless and see how you get on. You'll probably enjoy a drink at the end of the month but you'll also probably see it a little differently..

Worth a shot, what have you got to lose..

My 2c's anyway..

The flying mouse

Hi Lilmiss82

I have made the suggestion to people here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your doctor)
Spending a significant amount of time here or other like minded websites, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
Going to any fellowship meetings ,which ever you feel comfortable at'
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go. :)

LLewellen Farquarson

I'm with Swanner on this one.

Myself and my wife have just given it up for a month. We weren't drinking as much as you, but a combination of weight, and the creeping extension of days having a drink decided us.

Based on your mail it sounds like it's something new, so as a new habit, it should be easier to reverse, and the initial kick of giving it up for a month completely might be enough.

We are going on holidays for a week in October, hence giving it up in September, and will also do so in November. The anticipation of holidays in the sun, with a glass of wine or beer is looked forward to all the sweeter knowing we are not drinking at the moment.

The first weekend was the worst, and felt weird. But it felt great waking up on Saturday and Sunday morning early with a clear head. The second weekend wasn't as bad, and as we went out to eat (and to the pub) twice over the weekend, it was great to be able to drive home and not worry about taxi's or collecting the car the following day. We drank water for the night.

Would I give it up full-time, no. I enjoy a drink with food or sitting at home watching telly. I, like you, tend to drink on Friday and Saturday nights only. When I find I am pushing it out to Thursday or Sunday, is when I decide to stop for a while.

So, as Swanner says, give it a go for a month, you'll feel better for it. And the month is going to pass anyway. Plan a reward (weekend away?) with the money you'll save.

Lilmiss82

LLewellen Farquarson wrote: »

I'm with Swanner on this one.

Myself and my wife have just given it up for a month. We weren't drinking as much as you, but a combination of weight, and the creeping extension of days having a drink decided us.

Based on your mail it sounds like it's something new, so as a new habit, it should be easier to reverse, and the initial kick of giving it up for a month completely might be enough.

We are going on holidays for a week in October, hence giving it up in September, and will also do so in November. The anticipation of holidays in the sun, with a glass of wine or beer is looked forward to all the sweeter knowing we are not drinking at the moment.

The first weekend was the worst, and felt weird. But it felt great waking up on Saturday and Sunday morning early with a clear head. The second weekend wasn't as bad, and as we went out to eat (and to the pub) twice over the weekend, it was great to be able to drive home and not worry about taxi's or collecting the car the following day. We drank water for the night.

Would I give it up full-time, no. I enjoy a drink with food or sitting at home watching telly. I, like you, tend to drink on Friday and Saturday nights only. When I find I am pushing it out to Thursday or Sunday, is when I decide to stop for a while.

So, as Swanner says, give it a go for a month, you'll feel better for it. And the month is going to pass anyway. Plan a reward (weekend away?) with the money you'll save.

Thanks for the responses guys.
Thanks for the above message Llewellen. I spoke with the hubby last night and he is more than willing to try and give it up for a while so I'm delighted I bought it up. He admits too that it's an expensive habit that we need to break. We worked out that we have been spending €100 per week on wine!!!!!! That's since November so almost €4000! I was shocked. We've decided to cut back to one night a week for now and put the remaining money to one side to save up for a holiday for next year! I think this is great incentive for us rather than saying we'll quit all together.

LLewellen Farquarson

Well done, It's great that you're doing it together.

Another thing we would do is ration ourselves to one bottle (Each) a weekend. If I drank mine all on Friday, then that was it. Otherwise I could have half it on Friday and finish it on Saturday, or whatever. The limit was one bottle. It also means that you can splash out and buy a better/more expensive bottle to savour rather than guzzle.

Congrats on taking the initiative, and it's great that you are of the same mind.

Lilmiss82

LLewellen Farquarson wrote: »

Well done, It's great that you're doing it together.

Another thing we would do is ration ourselves to one bottle (Each) a weekend. If I drank mine all on Friday, then that was it. Otherwise I could have half it on Friday and finish it on Saturday, or whatever. The limit was one bottle. It also means that you can splash out and buy a better/more expensive bottle to savour rather than guzzle.

Congrats on taking the initiative, and it's great that you are of the same mind.

The rationing is a good idea too... Think I'll suggest that to himself and see what he thinks. Thanks a mill

The Bishop Basher

Lilmiss82 wrote: »

The rationing is a good idea too... Think I'll suggest that to himself and see what he thinks. Thanks a mill

Best of luck with it..

If, in time, you find old patterns just keep re-emerging, you know where to find us

Lilmiss82

Swanner wrote: »

Best of luck with it..

If, in time, you find old patterns just keep re-emerging, you know where to find us

Thanks very much. I'll keep you updated when the weekend has been and gone