Friends

user2011

Me and a really good friend got together last weekend.

We work in the same place, its nice friendly chatter in work but zero contact outside of it since last weekend.

I fancied her for so long at the beginning i accepted things wouldn't go that far with us just got on with being friends, really close. Last Friday having a few drinks in the house a mate herself and me. The mate fell out about midnight so it was herself and me drinking music going a bit of dancing totally relaxed like many times before. Im sat on the sofa next thing shes on top of me, lifting my head to look at her and shes going in for the kiss. After a bit thoughts fly through my head about the after stuff, (the friendship means alot to me) stopped and we chatted.

Said things wouldn't change after what had happened. Got back to enjoying the night things moved further this time (close the first time). Saturday morning felt like i was on cloud 9 id no regrets with things she agreed her word was (never and kiss)

Yet we've not spoken a word outside of work. I don't know how long i can keep up with fake smile and polite chatter my head has been in a tail spin since it my heart yeah no words.

Big Bag of Chips

How do you normally speak outside of work? Do you live together? Do you text? Have you contacted her outside of work and got no response, or are you waiting for her to contact you? Why not just contact her, in the same manner as you would have before you kissed? A quick text, or whatever.

Someone is going to have to break the ice...

user2011

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

How do you normally speak outside of work? Do you live together? Do you text? Have you contacted her outside of work and got no response, or are you waiting for her to contact you? Why not just contact her, in the same manner as you would have before you kissed? A quick text, or whatever.

Someone is going to have to break the ice...

Friends chatter we'd talk face to face Facebook Instagram snap chats. Itd be every other day we'd talk sometimes go a week or so chatting every day outside of work. I messaged her last Sunday was totally relaxed about things saturday didn't feel the need to chat when i messaged on Sunday (1/2 o'clock) the reply i got back was im sorry, asked about what. Got zero reply from her for the rest of the day, freaked me out.

Into work Monday seen her big smile and hi how are you you doing good? Totally relaxed me in that moment, asked what the im sorry was about she said for not calling back on saturday said the phone broke after she sent that message, thought no more about it. Sent her a normal message when i finished work on Monday (Facebook) she was online got no reply. Rinse and repeat on Tuesday got no reply from her. Wednesday Thursday and Friday all smiles and chat in work haven't messaged her since last Tuesday.

Big Bag of Chips

Oh, ok! Maybe she doesn't want to lead you on. In work she deals with you as she always has, because to do otherwise would be unprofessional and maybe create an atmosphere that colleagues would pick up on. Outside work she doesn't want to encourage a personal relationship. Crappy thing to happen, but it regularly happens when friends blur the lines. I think she knows you fancy her, and I think she knows you were delighted something happened between you. I think she's not quite so keen so is distancing herself a bit.

In time your friendship might return to normal. But for now I think you have to accept things have changed and the friendship is no longer there .

user2011

Feels like torture the way things have panned out.

The total silence outside of work really hurts. If i made the move and then she had doubts i could wrap my head around things but she made the moves and now chooses not to talk to me and we lose a friendship.

Wish she had a bit of respect for what we had before last Friday this the most frustrating thing. Not knowing the why for where things are headed.

BarcaDen

I'm just going to come out and say it - 90% of the time members of the opposite sex CANNOT have friendships. This happens all the time. One person wants it, the other doesn't. Unless both are mutually unattracted to each other it always seems to end thus. I've seen this happen so many times, where one person is heartbroken. I've also seen people get married after this. Its up to you OP, but in my personal opinion its unfair to keep her as a friend when she clearly wants something more.

user2011

I messaged her yesterday evening with a few thoughts about our friendship what it means to me the head spin ive been in, that i'd appreciate a bit of closure on why she is okay to drop it like she has that the silence from her was hurting a lot.

No reply.

Done and dusted it looks like.

Big Bag of Chips

She's made it clear where you stand now. Just let the friendship drift. Don't be as pally in work as you have been. Shtty thing to happen, but it happens.

annie_ie

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend either.

To make the first move and then to just blank you like that even after you essentially poured your heart out in the final text.

Lucky escape. Forget her and get on with it just being a co worker relationship.

December2012

Do you still fancy her?

And do you think she fancies you?

user2011

Do I fancy her? Haven't thought of her that way in years, when we first met yes for a while but realised that she didn't see me that way.

Friend (ha) didn't get signs or anything, then what happened it still didn't seem that way (talking with her the next morning) it was just something that happened.

What got me to message her the other day was the last bit of barcaden post, maybe I was blind to it from her or whatever. I don't know thought we were close that after what happened if she felt that way she'd be comfortable to say it.

Appreciate the time to move on comments, finding it hard. Thinking about times maybe she was doing this doing that wanting more me oblivious to it.

Head wreck!!!

Big Bag of Chips

I think BarcaDen was off the mark, though! I think he thought you weren't interested in her and she wanted more from you. I think it was the other way around. She knew you were interested, a bit of drink made her think it might be a good idea. Sober she realised it wasn't!

It's not necessarily her fault, she can't help it if she doesn't feel the same way. But she should have been a bit more mature about it and at least replied to one text saying sorry she led you on. Anyway, no point in talking about "should have"!

Lesson learned, anyway. Try not to give her too much more time. She's not the person you thought she was.