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Is this to be expected while dating?

  • 09-09-2016 03:20PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been out of the dating game for a number of years (around 8), i went from being in a long term relationship to being a single mother and really my child has been my priority for the past few years. I've dipped in and out of using dating sites/tinder and have been on random dates here and there. I find to hard to get free time and I suppose my heart just hasn't been in it.

    However I recently met someone on Tinder, now I know some people say it's only for hook-ups but I do have friends who have met people they are now in relationships with on it, but in any case I quite like him and decided it was time to make an effort with someone. We messaged on and off for quite a few months before our first date which was about 6 weeks ago. Now I don't expect to be someones number one priority this early but I really feel like I'm way down a list. He cancels plans quite a bit, and while he does reschedule, I feel like it's very often a last minute afterthought. It's like fits me in around everything else he has going on rather than allocating a bit of time to me. As a single mother it's sometimes effort to free myself up and to go through that hassle and get cancelled on is really frustrating.

    I'm not sure if I should try speaking to him about or just accept that it's not working and move on? Will I have these problems with everyone, is this just how it is now? AM I expecting too much?


Comments

  • #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    He sounds flaky, rude and not all that bothered. Regardless of where you met him, if someone is interested you'll know because they'll be rally keen to see you, won't be flaky and be at pains to show you they like you.

    I personally would be giving him the heave-ho.


  • #3
    jimd2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    I would agree with Merkin. From the limited details that you have give it sounds as if you are being strung around for whatever reason.

    If you were my daughter or sister I would probably advise that you send a nice message saying that it's been nice to meet but nit really working out and to leave it at that. If for some unlikely reason that he is very interested and was going through a particularly busy periods then he will get his ass in gear and try harder. Otherwise you will be free to pursue another relationship.


  • #4
    gaylebgreen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12 ✭gaylebgreen


    I would agree with the previous two posts, however, if it's likely to end anyway then it might be worth having a chat with him. Let him know that you're about to move on and, if you think he might be worth it, give him a chance to improve his behaviour.
    But if you're feeling disappointed and/or frustrated then it's just not working. But better luck next time! If he's keen, he'll be there.
    Good luck.


  • #5
    EmmaMurray2016
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 90 ✭✭EmmaMurray2016


    I agree with all the posters above. If a man likes you he will make an effort. Have a chat and if it it doesn't change then say bye bye. You deserve to be treated like a princess ;)


  • #6
    Brian?
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,317 Mod ✭✭✭✭Brian?


    Have you tried telling him how you feel, in very clear terms? I can't believe people are advising you to give him his marching orders when you haven't talked to him about it.

    Maybe a verbal clip around the ear is all he needs to get serious. Maybe not and he'll tell you straight. Simples

    they/them/theirs


    The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all of the people.

    Noam Chomsky



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  • #7
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I think when you're at the point of posting a PI thread asking if a fella you met off tinder actually likes you, you sort of already know the answer.

    I've had a small handful of relationships in my life and a wide ocean of casual flings, hookups, going-nowheres, online and offline dating and the one thing the relationships had in common that the flings didn't: I never wondered. I never doubted. There were relationship problems no doubt, issues to work through, but the basic question of "does he like me?" and "does he make the effort?" never needed to be asked because the interest was a given.

    Now it's easy for us all to say ditch him and run when we're not emotionally invested, but as a single mum I'm sure you've enough to be thinking about without having to stress over some guy in those early days of dating when interest and effort should be 100%. It's not in this case and I don't think any "verbal clips around the ear" are going to change that.


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